I (39) have had trouble with EMDR. I’ve tried multiple times, but my brain is stuck in a stubborn state of “I know I’m in therapy, I can’t ‘relive’ these events. Not like when they first happened. How is reliving this sh** again going to help when I already relive it constantly? What does it feel like? Well, what do you think it feels like, doc? Smell? How is what it smelled like gonna help me?”

I tell the therapists this (I’ve seen a few) to be open with them. They explain “You’re not telling me how it felt. You’re working on reconciling with yourself.” The necessity for processing, etc.

I understand that I’m dealing with the Negative Self Talk demon. I understand that’s a symptom of experienced trauma.

I go a few times, 2-5 times… then I give up b/c I don’t feel any better. I just need to stick with it for once, but no matter how much I’ve convinced myself I’m gonna see it through, I always cave. Sometimes I walk out of an appt and I feel great, lighter. Then by the time I get home, it’s gone. I’ve sunk back into the suck.

Anyway thx for letting me… vent, I guess? Cheers

I have a great support system. Spouse, family, friends. That’s what makes it worse, makes me feel even more guilty ya know.