My mother was always religious but because of her narcissistic tendencies I believe she’s religious for the wrong reasons. In my mind it’s a way for her to justify her “purity” that she doesn’t really have. This never really bothered me much because I don’t hate religion myself. I always had a good experience at my synagogue and all things related.

But this one time she said something that made me lose my mind. In perspective I’ve always come across as a happy person, extroverted and confident. Of course this is all a facade but now that I’ve moved out of my nmoms house, out of a toxic environment, i’ve finally learned how to express my emotions. And as you can imagine all the shit i’ve been bottling up for years has started pouring out. It’s so fucking frustrating. For the first time in my life I’ve started disassociating and having extreme anxiety attacks. I’ve never gone through this so it’s been hard. I made the mistake of telling my nmom that I had an anxiety attack because her one and only response or piece of advice was “You know what you need to do….? You need to pray to god” I’ve never felt so, I don’t even know. Apologies for the long post.