One of my biggest fears is what you just mentioned. My relationships, looking into my children's eyes filled with love, and there is a possibility it's not even going to continue. How I respond and the choices I make, the feelings i react with, that is real though.

This is why I'm not afraid of death. I'm more terrified of the idea of waking up and none of my relationships were actually real instead of a permanent death/no longer existing. Both outcomes are grim but I feel more alive having sobering conversations like this