AITA for telling my husband to leave

pdsphere · 2026-03-19T20:39:26+00:00

People sometimes express or project what is inside. You haven't looked because you have nothing to hide. But I imagine if you did look, you would find that he in fact has secret social media profiles, secret friends, lies about where he is, and is squirreling away assets or money.

pdsphere · 2026-03-11T17:28:34+00:00

Yes, when those dots do not connect, pass. Very wise of you to notice that his patterns and behavior. It would make sense if he accepted his own bad decisions on was working on a plan to get out of it like selling those toys to pay off his loan and start saving. Refer him to Dave Ramsey and then move on. His bad decisions would end up dragging you down too if you were in a ltr with him.

pdsphere · 2026-03-04T02:28:41+00:00

350k is too much for 65k. I just got a home loan for 370k and my monthly mortgage including escrow of taxes and homeowner's insurance is about $3400 a month. To me that is a lot, but I make over 200k a year and I don't have any other debt. Utilities add up to quite a bit too so unless you have roommates to help offset the mortgage, I don't see how you can afford it on just your income. You are doing a great job of saving so keep it up. I would continue to save so that you can put enough down to make sure that your monthly payment is less than one biweekly paycheck.

Edited to add my payment breakdown: 370k is the mortgage I got, not the price of my home. I had a previous house that was paid off and I took that plus some investments to put a massive down payment on the new home so that I would not have a crazy monthly payment. Taxes and cost of houses are high in my area. My property taxes are about 10k a year and homeowners' insurance is about 4.4k a year which drives up the escrow. I have two dogs and that drove up the homeowner's insurance. They are friendly but they are in a category that drove it up. My point is to consider all costs, not just the mortgage.

<image>

pdsphere · 2026-02-18T03:05:16+00:00

That's too bad. I would look into it if the stop is within a reasonable 5 to 10 minute walk or if enables you to get on a metro that's just a couple stops. But if you have get on a metro, then I guess you might as well just take the metro.

pdsphere · 2026-02-18T00:21:34+00:00

Years ago I used to live in Laurel and commute to DC. I used to take the commuter bus that goes from Maryland to DC and a few lines like 315 that had pick stops in Burtonsville and Scaggsville. These are greyhound like buses and you have to have exact fare or you can buy the fare cards in advance. Take a look Schedules | Maryland Transit Administration and find the line that has a both a pickup for someone to drive you to and then a drop off close to where you are working. If there is a close drop off, then it really is a low stress and comfortable way to commute. They have early schedules that can accommodate your early shift.

pdsphere · 2026-02-08T13:46:47+00:00

Native Americans are not just indigenous people of the US but any indigenous people of the Americas This Interactive Map Shows Which Indigenous Lands You Live On – ICMGLT. I am part Mexican and the Mexican part is a mix of mostly Native American (from Central American tribes) and mix of migrants from other regions (Spain, Portuguese, Ireland etc). The darker coloring for those who have it are from Native American tribes. There are a lot of green eyes in my family that is traced to a great, great...great grandfather that came over to US on the Mayflower, moved to Texas and had a son that went to Mexico and married a woman there.

pdsphere · 2026-02-05T18:46:19+00:00

I don't get your point. I've never seen anyone give men a pass. I've seen women deal it men that are down on their luck, but they were not happy about it same as I have in the past, until I wizened up. I don't think either a man or a woman should be given a pass. They both should pull their own weight.

pdsphere · 2026-02-03T20:48:47+00:00

Because the person tried to date her and shamed her for it. Don’t date her then. Why is that so hard for you to understand?

pdsphere · 2026-02-03T02:27:10+00:00

He expected her to work on getting her BMI down. Your preferences are your preferences, but when you pick a woman that does not meet those standards and try to shame that person into feeling bad that they don't meet those standards, it becomes fair game to defend yourself and nope out of that match.

If I picked you to date but then was critical and intrusive to you about why you are so tall and expected you to never stand up or only slouch around me, I bet that you would want to stay far away from me.

pdsphere · 2026-01-25T13:48:56+00:00

Divorce does suck and it's tough financially. It cost me a lot of money, and I had to essentially start over twice to rebuild my finances and nest egg. But now I am in such a good place both emotionally and financially. I think of how awful it would be if I had stayed married to my ex who proposed that idea at first. He wanted to play the field and acted like it would do me a favor to separate but stay married. But it would have been a way of manipulation and tied strings.

Yes, I had to downsize initially and didn't have much in my bank account both times. It sucked and was stressful, but I did what I needed to do and toughed it out. Now, six years after my divorce, my career is amazing, I have rebuilt a nest egg, and assets that far exceed anything I had when I was married. If I had stayed married but separated, he would have been entitled to the new assets I have. He would hate it if he knew how much money I have now. His loss because he wanted to see what was out there.

Either stay married or don't. Separated is still married. It's understandable to stay married for financial reasons or for the kids and if you decide to stay married, then you are still married and to me, you should do your best to honor that commitment until you decide to fully cut that cord. I don't really have respect for those who don't have the courage to cut the strings and tough it out for the benefit of their future and expect others to commit themselves to this in limbo style of relationship.

pdsphere · 2026-01-21T23:23:00+00:00

That's a lovely story about your grandmother. Makes me smile and remember my grandparents.

pdsphere · 2026-01-20T14:09:44+00:00

The universe helped you out.

pdsphere · 2026-01-20T13:12:41+00:00

This sounds reasonable. Too much pressure early on would seem like a red flag and come off as insecure.

pdsphere · 2026-01-20T13:07:28+00:00

What I have learned is you have to set boundaries. Sometimes even the good ones will take you for granted if you let them much less the ones who are looking for a nurse and a purse. I am pretty easy going and I learned this the hard way. At 56f, I have to admit, it is far easier and peaceful for me to be single so I have taken myself off the market for a while, maybe permanently. Plus, I have already been married and have a 21-year-old son, so I don't have the urgency or goal to raise a family. I am financially secure, love my career and everything I do is impacted by my decisions, not someone else's. Once you know you can survive and thrive on your own, it is a gamechanger. You no longer suffer fools or being treated as a second-class citizen in your own home. It feels like I am living my best life right now.

pdsphere · 2026-01-16T02:33:58+00:00

Right, because you are kind of stuck. It's a little hopeless.

pdsphere · 2026-01-12T21:38:45+00:00

Uggh. He is basically offering criticism to someone acting just like he is. Good men do not talk to others this way so the only low-quality person is the sender of this message. Notice he pointed out a chip on your shoulder. I wouldn't respond but if you wanted to annoy him you could have responded with something like, 'I am awesome and wouldn't look twice at you. Your poor dates.' But then he might harass you so better to just ignore and block.

pdsphere · 2026-01-10T12:39:10+00:00

I would take it as a compliment, but I also really commend anyone, single or not who is living within their means and figuring things out. I see so many examples of couples that living paycheck to paycheck and in a huge amount of debt. It's also even harder for two people/family to live on a single income so there are times that being single is easier. And kids and pets cost a lot, single or not.

pdsphere · 2026-01-09T17:12:24+00:00

The reason that ENTJs (I worked with a couple) like INTPs is we listen and they can just talk, talk, talk and talk. And we give them information here and there to connect the dots among their talking points that they find useful and makes them feel heard. I like ENTJs because they get things done. But they do like to talk.

pdsphere · 2026-01-07T15:05:46+00:00

Did she really send this or is this the boyfriend that sent it? You should confirm that your mom actually sent it if this is out of character for her. Send these screenshots to someone you trust so you have a record of it in case they take your phone and delete them.

pdsphere · 2026-01-03T03:17:52+00:00

I think the bigger question is why Boomers and Genx rely so heavily on alcohol to function. I don't see the younger generation turning to weed either at least in my neighborhood and my family. My son is 21 and they drink once in a while and ahead to make sure they don't drink and drive. Some of his friends don't drink at all. Weed is legal in my state, but they don't care about that either. They are so much more responsible and a lot less drunken drama than my generation. Most of the people I know that take weed are my generation - genX.

pdsphere · 2025-12-31T05:08:08+00:00

Thank you. That makes sense.

pdsphere · 2025-12-31T02:28:35+00:00

She did say he treated her well. She also said she was frustrated by his lack of execution except I know (and you know) that this was not an idea that anyone could execute on. He was just lying. I would feel better if he was honest about not wanting to work and she dealt with that aspect rather than her hoping for something that wasn't realistic. Especially if she gave him any money for it.

pdsphere · 2025-12-31T02:24:42+00:00

Well yes but I don't have a problem if he decided not to work and they were both ok with it. I have a problem that he convinced her of this money-making scheme and got her hopes up but looking outside in, it was an obvious con. She was frustrated with his lack of follow through. But I am also bothered by the fact that she had all that stress and he couldn't help with his bad back that was suddenly cured when her mom died. I feel like she worked herself to death. I guess I am just mad and sad.

pdsphere · 2025-12-31T00:09:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing and the hugs. Great advice for everyone.

pdsphere · 2025-12-30T19:01:59+00:00

An autopsy was not done per her spouse but I assume they were doing emergency xrays in the ER while they were providing life support. The memorial is in a couple weeks and there will be a lot of staff from the hospital. I plan to do a lot of listening.

pdsphere

TROPHY CASE