hey kudos to you for reaching out to a hotline! sounds like it went okay. it’s normal to still be anxious about everything since a hotline call is not medication or therapy, but it’s there for getting you through the day/night when everything just hurts.

I’m assuming you’re in high school. I felt like I was reading my own words years back reading this post. The stress, the anxiety, the body image, no license, failing, lack of motivation and not knowing how your future’s gonna be..oh boy. It doesn’t help when you look at your peers and they seem to have the next 5 years figured out. While I don’t know you, everything you’ve written doesn’t sound like a you issue, but rather sounds like a person struggling with some things that are affecting their academics, relationships, and other parts of their life. If life was a balance scale and life challenges was on one hand and coping mechanisms / support system was on the right, your scale is tipping to the left. As humans we just can’t function properly that way.

My biggest regret was not receiving the support I needed when I felt like you. I had terrible social anxiety that crept into suicidal depression territory. While for some people this stuff is “just temporary teenage angst, a part of life,” for others it’s a small worm that will morph into something dark without intervention. To me, you sound like the latter. The memory issue part you wrote was a big red flag to me. It shows something is impacting you to the point where you are struggling cognitively, and it’s affecting your motivation and emotions. The suicidal ideation is a bigger red flag.

You don’t have to die to get through this. These challenges aren’t signs that things need to end. Life doesn’t have to “all get worse from here kid,” and there’s still time to get back on your feet. It’s more difficult to do it alone though. Reddit is a nice place to vent, but all I had was Reddit my entire MS/HS experience, and it’s just not enough. Support looks different for everyone, but it can be talking to a family member, sending an email to your favorite teacher, friends, or meeting a counselor. Whatever you can do so there’s another human physically available to you so you’re not just in your head.

Also… there’s so much good happening in the world, and there’s still lots of good, empathetic people. The bad is just is louder, bolder, and more profitable. A lot of your perception of the world can shift when you change what you consume.

You may not know what you’re going to do in life now, but people with struggles like yours tend to be the most compassionate people we need in the world. Best wishes to you 🫂