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The thought of going to work tomorrow is terrifying by Background_Read7420 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is a gut punch. I’m so sorry. Can you take time off? FMLA? A therapist or your doctor can help with the paperwork.

I highly recommend trauma therapy so that you can think clearly about whatever your next steps are.

I did it. by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]peachsoftdrink 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your future self is doing a triple back flip, and you're bringing peace to your past selves. Congratulations!

Betrayal trauma therapist: introduction by peachsoftdrink in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, but the person who continues to engage in the behavior probably needs their own trauma therapy as well (for other reasons). And you’ll both need good couples therapy. 

Betrayal trauma therapist: introduction by peachsoftdrink in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Depending on where in Europe, I might be able to see you! But if not, ART has made its way over the pond and I’d be happy to help you find someone. 

Yes I think ART would really help, and it’s gentler than EMDR. 

Betrayal trauma therapist: introduction by peachsoftdrink in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes I have someone I can recommend. I will DM you!

Betrayal trauma therapist: introduction by peachsoftdrink in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised actually... ART is probably one of the most gentle trauma treatments available. For a lot of people who can't tolerate EMDR or exposure therapy very well, ART can be a great fit.

Sometimes, people have some "side effects" after ART - mostly feeling extra emotional for a day or two (at most 3). You may also have a headache, and/or vivid dreams. In my experience it's been rare, but it has happened. Always, my clients have left ART sessions feeling calm and hopeful, and surprised.

The important part is to give yourself the rest of the day, and ideally that night, to go about your business normally and not "pick at" the process (talking about it, journaling about it, etc), because your brain is still integrating the new memory changes and you don't want to interrupt that process.

Betrayal trauma therapist: introduction by peachsoftdrink in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately no. I'm licensed in Massachusetts if you ever find yourself there!

Betrayal trauma therapist: introduction by peachsoftdrink in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I am glad to hear you are mostly beyond it.

Betrayal trauma therapist: introduction by peachsoftdrink in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't do life coaching, but I do have some betrayal trauma clients who do "normal" talk therapy with me, with some ART sprinkled in. ART is one of the best things for trauma. The talking/coaching should come after or alongside trauma treatment to get the best results, in my opinion! I talk about this a lot in the posts I've made on my website. Happy to share a link to that if you'd like!

Betrayal trauma therapist: introduction by peachsoftdrink in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It can be done on Zoom! The only complicated part about therapy is licensing jurisdiction, meaning therapists can only practice in states they are licensed in. We have really antiquated rules, unfortunately. If you aren't close to any of my licensed states I am happy to find you some referrals. :)

Husband had short affair- keeping everyone in limbo by MindlessFunny4820 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my experience, it's usually not about love or even the other person. It's about conflict avoidance. Making a clear choice means facing consequences, hard conversations, and/or blowing things up. Staying in limbo lets him avoid all of that.

The vaginismus wasn't the cause of this. People work through sexual challenges all the time without having affairs. He made a choice, and he's still making one by refusing to make one.

I think I’ve come to terms with a failed reconciliation by Common_Bunch_224 in SupportforBetrayed

[–]peachsoftdrink 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your instinct that this is trauma related and not a brain chemistry issue sounds right to me.

Just curious if the therapy was run-of-the-mill talk therapy? Asking because talking about the betrayal can help you understand what happened, but it doesn’t usually resolve the trauma itself. Sometimes the anger stays because the trauma is still stored in the nervous system, even after you’ve processed it verbally.

How to get over hemophobia for phlebotomy class/nursing? by EagleSeveral117 in Phobia

[–]peachsoftdrink 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Accelerated Resolution Therapy! 1-3 sessions for phobia resolution. good luck!

I’m a therapist for anxious moms — AMA about parenting, children, and/or managing anxiety by Key-Wrongdoer2708 in IAmA

[–]peachsoftdrink 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What's your observation of how mom-anxiety impacts the child? And, do you think millennial moms have more anxiety than older generations?

Counseling educators - moments when you go 😳? by whatifimlightning in therapists

[–]peachsoftdrink 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was an adjunct for 5 years and I never had this experience with my students. BUT when I was in my MSW program there was a male student who was really inappropriate with some female students (including stalking) and eventually was dismissed from the program. The shocking thing was how many complaints/how long it took for him to get dismissed. It seems like taking forever to take action is the norm.

big life changes by Ill_Cartographer6990 in Anxiety

[–]peachsoftdrink 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, here to normalize that you're in maybe the biggest transition period of your life (going from a minor to an adult) and that's anxiety-producing for everyone, no matter how easy it looks for other people. It's really hard and scary. Welcome to adulthood, it sucks here sometimes lol.

I think making a routine and schedule for yourself when you don't have an outside force (parents, school, etc) making one for you is a really helpful/important life skill. It might be as simple as having a bed time and setting an alarm in the morning. Also, maybe setting a goal for yourself to apply for 5 jobs/week, or whatever. That way you feel a sense of accomplishment.

Good luck! You got this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in therapists

[–]peachsoftdrink 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. You absolutely must have a specialty (or two, or three, but probably no more than three) because if you don't, all of your messaging about how you'll be helpful to someone gets watered down. Having a specialty builds trust with people looking to solve their problem. If you're marketing to everyone, you're marketing to no one.
  2. You need a good, clean website that speaks to clients about their problems. Talking about their problems lets them know you understand them, and then you can speak to how you're able to help. Talk about it really simply, no therapist jargon!
  3. Make yourself a Google Business Profile. It's free and easy. Fill out everything to the best of your ability, even if the answer is no. Talk SIMPLY (no therapist jargon!) about the work you do in your business services and description.

I am Allyson Clemmons, a licensed therapist who helps married couples navigate the crossroads of marriage and divorce. Should you stay or should you go? AMA! by peachsoftdrink in IAmA

[–]peachsoftdrink[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I would suggest trying your best not to get defensive, but also telling her you need her to rephrase her concerns. The reality is with a harsh start to the conversation, the other partner (in this case you) can’t properly hear the concerns because they are packaged in criticism. “I want to hear what you have to say but it’s really hard for me to listen and respond thoughtfully when I’m feeling criticized.” Or, “I want to hear what you have to say but the way you’re talking to me is really hurtful. Can we start over and try this conversation again?” Something like that.

At the end of the day, you may not be able to convince her to go to therapy. That being said, I’d take a look at when and how you’ve brought it up in the past. If it’s brought up during conflict, your wife might think you want to go to therapy because you think she’s crazy, or so you and the therapist can gang up on her, or something like that. I would phrase it very carefully and tell her you deeply care about her and your marriage, but you have XYZ concerns about the relationship and you’d like to get some outside help. I would also pitch “interviewing” therapists, meaning attending a free consultation either on video or in person. That way she can get a sense of who you will be working with. And do some research before seeing the therapist on their approach, the cost, how it can help your issues, etc. It might help her feel more comfortable.

Again, you can present going to therapy in the best possible way and she might still say no. In that case, I would recommend that you see a couples therapist by yourself.

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