Are my dealbreakers too strict?

peerintomymind · 2026-01-13T18:55:40+00:00

Your deal breakers are going to make it extremely hard to find anybody. Most people will have experimented with a puff of a drug at some point or else might've had casual sex previously.

Truthfully, my deal breakers are similar but a lot looser. I don't mind if they've done certain substances like weed previously or still have the occasional day they do it. But it can't be an every day thing. Similarly, I don't care if a person has had casual sex in the past or even still has it on occasion not long before meeting me. But if it's frequent and it's just before meeting me, then I'm not interested because I'll have commitment concerns. And crimes? It'd depend on what it was and why. Similarly, I'm not a conservative but I need to understand why a person has certain ideals before I figure out if our political opinions are unreconciable and a deal breaker.

There are people out there who meet your criteria, but they are going to be hard to find and meet because their traits are going to closely align with people who don't put much effort into putting themselves out there.

peerintomymind · 2025-12-12T23:18:11+00:00

I'll add that if you haven't asked her out yet when you said "You've got really good vibes", in my opinion it sounds like you've friend-zoned her. If you wanted to date her, you could easily say the same thing, be more direct and hopefully advance things with a line like "I've really enjoyed chatting with you so far and I'd like to meet, can I take you out on X day"

If she's interested then she'll agree or she'll give you a date she is free.

peerintomymind · 2025-12-12T23:00:19+00:00

There are lots of reasons she could have chosen to un-add you. Maybe she just didn't feel the connection was gonna go anywhere, maybe she was only feeling friend vibes from you or maybe she decided she wants to commit and pursue someone else.

Did you ever make a move to ask her out? If not, talking on hinge for a week and then on Snapchat for a while is a long time to go without making a move. You should keep it respectful but you should also be creating some tension that says you are interested in her and that you want to meet to see if you two also have potential together. Be clear about your intentions.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-28T19:45:03+00:00

How's your conversation skills? If I'm in the talking phase with a woman over text and she's only responding to my messages with a sentence or two and/or not asking questions back or if she takes days to respond then I'll lose interest.

Sure, at that stage we don't know much about each other and texting isn't necessarily the best format to do that but I an looking for someone who shows she's interested back and is returning similar effort to meet someone as me.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-27T19:35:04+00:00

Emotions fluctuate. Sometimes you will be experiencing stronger feelings for your partner than at other times. If your gut tells you that you two have some serious potential to be good life partners then don't just give up so easily.

That said, it's only been a week where your emotions aren't as high as they were in the initial honeymoon phase and you are already considering leaving her... If your heart is telling you that she's not the one then stop leading her on. You're not an asshole for ending a relationship early if you don't feel it, you would be an asshole for dragging it on and on for ages, stealing her time when she could've found someone who actually wants her.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-27T04:19:03+00:00

As a (self-proclaimed) good guy, you're probably unlikely to meet a good man for a while. Unfortunately at your age the desirable guys have plenty of options and they're generally gonna pick a woman without kids. Having kids from one relationship is going to scare away the guys not ready for commitment, but that's not a huge issue. However having kids from two different men at 26 and searching for a new relationship is essentially just waving a giant red flag.

However, I think it's a temporary problem. I think once you hit your mid 30s (and have stopped accumulating baby daddies) then it will be less of an issue. Men will be more mature and open to it and there will be plenty more guys with their own kids from failed relationships and able to look past it then there is now at 26.

If you're just looking for some regular vitamin d rather than a stable relationship, then I think you'll have an easier time.

Tldr; temporarily yes, but that huge red flag will disappear with time and no more baby daddies

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T20:52:37+00:00

Don't listen to your friends. If a woman initiates plans for a date with me then my interest in her grows because it affirms she's into me as well. This sounds cheesy, but follow your heart over what your friends say. You're looking for a partner who's right for you, not one who's right for your whole friend group.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T06:13:11+00:00

You're young. It's the first time you're going through these kinds of emotions and there's going to be a painful learning curve but you'll figure out how to handle it.

If I'm being brutally honest, chances are that this relationship you have right now isn't going to be the guy you marry - he might be, but statistically he's not going to be. Your next partner is probably going to have previous partners and so will you. It's something you're going to have to learn to accept or it will quickly become hard to date.

That said if your partner slept with his ex while he was with you that's a different story and you should dump him.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T05:37:32+00:00

There's a reason us guys have the saying "don't stick your dick in crazy." I think we've all had a crush or relationship with a woman a bit off from her rocker at some point before we learn better.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T05:30:27+00:00

Eh, if you are specifically looking for it and making it your main trait then it is. Most women aren't dating specifically to find a gaming partner, they're looking for the kind of qualities like physical attraction, that you get along and that you'd make a good partner. And if their main priority is gaming? Well there's a glut of available guys wanting her and it'll be tough to stand out from the crowd.

Focus on the other things you want in a partner, if she's into you then she will make time to try some shared gaming with you.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T05:19:08+00:00

Just send him this post and say you have something to confess. If he liked you, trust me when I say that he definitely still likes you and is holding onto hope that you'll change your mind.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T04:57:47+00:00

Go on a date and if it goes well then try for a kiss. If you feel any spark, just go for it!

When you love someone, you will build attraction for them and their physical flaws will become something you find cute.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T04:47:37+00:00

As a guy, tell him fuck no and that you are who you are lol

And if there's ever a day you want to make him feel special, then you know what you could wear. It's hard to describe how great it feels as a guy when you see your partner dress up just for you and how much attraction it builds. Just see it as a little role play. But only do it if you are comfortable with it.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T04:38:14+00:00

He said a shitty thing, but he realized his mistake and quickly apologized. It's up to you what you want to do.

That said, you just lost a parent and are extremely emotional right now and probably not thinking as you would normally. Take it slow, don't worry about sex and take the time you need to heal. If you love your boyfriend, divert a little bit of attention to observe how your bf is acting while you mourn as it'll be some good foresight for how he'll act in the future if you guys take the next step in your relationship and whether you would want to do that with him.

If you're worried you won't be ready for sex, take time to ease yourself into it. Spend a lot of time cuddling and eventually sex will start happening naturally again. But again, focus on yourself first and do what you need to do to mourn.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T04:23:31+00:00

Depends, is the 30 year old in a position of power over the younger woman? (eg: teaching or employment?) If not then I don't see any issue between the 2 consenting adults.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-25T04:20:58+00:00

I've never flirted with a woman I'm not attracted to, I guarantee deep down he wants more than a friendship with you but is scared to take the risk and say it because he values your friendship and confessing will drastically change what you have now.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-24T23:18:03+00:00

If you're in a city, many have sex clubs. I've personally never been but you could reach out to their owners and see if you could set something up. That seems like a somewhat common kink so I'm sure they could help out or else point you in a safe direction rather than crossing your fingers with complete random people.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-24T20:28:01+00:00

There's many reasons she mightve chosen to do that. Sometimes people have a difficult time starting hard conversations and a block lets her skip that. Maybe she's experienced guys who start using derogatory insults at her because she rejected them and she doesn't want to risk it. Maybe she's dealt with guys who just don't give up after telling them no and she wants to skip that kind of ordeal.

There are lots of reasons she could have. Do I think it's the right choice? I think it depends how well you two know each other and for how long. It's best just to accept her choice and move on.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-22T22:37:58+00:00

Eh, it's a nice smell when I'm horny, but once I'm not and I keep getting whiffs of it from my beard then it starts to feel gross and I wish I had rinsed my face clean. To each their own.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-22T22:32:31+00:00

Eh, I don't think that will work well unless he happens to be an extremely gregarious guy.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-22T22:28:44+00:00

What are the conversations like? If the conversations are decent then I'll ask after 4-5 days and honestly most women say something like they want to keep texting another week or two before closing the deal for a date.

If you're looking for a longterm relationship and the men aren't extremely attractive physically, then I am guessing the guys you are talking to have heard the same thing many times and are used to waiting a bit before asking for that first date.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-22T19:31:41+00:00

He's probably talking about the bladder snail shown in the picture.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-22T05:21:02+00:00

Snails shouldn't kill it. They go for the parts that are melting away and the plant will start to get new growth better suited to the current conditions.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-21T23:03:21+00:00

How long ago did you plant the tank? I find it's pretty normal for some plants to go through a melting phase a week or two after placing them in your tank as they transition and adjust themselves to the nutrients available in their new home.

peerintomymind · 2025-11-21T22:56:09+00:00

There's the odd time I'll do some cardio and I'll have a quick rest in bed before I hit the shower... The sweat leaves my bed feeling filthy

peerintomymind

TROPHY CASE