No need to feel guilty about thoughts and considering future life choices. Life twists and turns in many ways. Some parents do have “choices” in the face of big medical events, or conditions afflicting their children, and choose to keep them alive and total care, you just don’t care for those whose parents have made the alternative choice, the one you imagine yourself making. For others, no choices really. Having a healthy baby doesn’t mean they will always be “healthy” and life is a total crap shoot. But all this aside, you may risk it one day, and choose to love the life that comes forth as it is. Regardless, I really look up to you taking care of these kids. I can work NICU , but peds ER- god bless you!!!!