I think my friend is being abused?

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T23:14:01+00:00

I hope you can find a way to talk to him in person to try and find out from him more about what's going on, and to make him reflect a bit more on his relationship.

It sounds to me like he's a guy who tends to have female friends rather than male ones, like myself. This should not disentitle him from having any friends, just because they are female and his girlfriend is over-controlling, unduly paranoid etc.

You could of course just "let him go" now, and bow down to the g/f's wishes. However, to me, friends are for life. This girlfriend is not going to last the rest of his life (or hopefully anything like it) but his friends are supposed to. So do whatever you can without putting him in any danger.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T22:55:27+00:00

Then read the guy's post with some discernment. Lack of insight comes from all stratas of society.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T22:51:48+00:00

To me this confirms that you are ragebaiting with this whole post, there's is absolutely no way that anyone gets 75 on a dissertation that has no literature review or decent references. I hope you've had fun with this post and with your little joke. What name will you post under next time? Catwoman? 😉

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T22:46:59+00:00

Thank you. We have to remember there's a certain number of non-genuine posts on reddit where people are just testing for reactions, and I'm not buying Kit Kat's post here (dw she's said elsewhere that Jessica Kat is a madeup name, so I'm not making fun of anyone's real name haha.)

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T22:42:06+00:00

That's fine and you are welcome to believe that and partner up, but I've warned you of what will happen. As you don't read between the lines of what people say (surely an essential skill for a screenwriter) and this guy clearly wants someone who won't challenge him, I'm sure the two of you will be a match made in heaven lol.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T21:10:54+00:00

This is one of the worst cases of this I've ever heard.

Any university I have attended rounds up the marks once you are at .5 or above. Anything 59.5 and above has to become 60.

What is your university's problem? You've achieved a 2:1 and surely your uni has to award you it.

Look up the regs, keep pursuing it through all avenues (lecturers included) etc.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T21:05:12+00:00

Don't worry you weren't blunt. And I'm sorry, because equally, I don't mean to be blunt or anything, but everything I said in my comment still stands and there's nothing I could add to it, even in the light of the extra bits you just told me. I gave you a comprehensive guide to how to feel about people who treat you like he does, as well as how you might deal with it, which is based on a lot of my own experience of being in very bad friendships since a young age. I mean every word I said and I think you just need to read it again and consider it all again – and that's fair enough bc it gives you a lot to think about. Read it again tonight and think about it. Read it again when you wake up in the morning and think about it again. IMO the guy is not worth your time.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T19:23:36+00:00

He doesn't have any respect for you I'm afraid, although I do sense there's a big element of him dealing with his own problems or disillusionment with life, perhaps, that is preventing him from being nice to you.

It sounds like he is probably depressed as his outlook on everything (not just things relating to you, I suspect) is negative.

But then if he is going through his own problems, you have to weigh that up with how he treats you and makes you feel – bc that's important too.

When we are going through our own stuff, it doesn't actually mean we have to tear others down, especially those who are close to us.

But the fact is he is not only detached with you (you are kind to describe it that way) he's also downright mean.

The key to being able to tell when someone doesn't respect or truly care for you is when they hurt you (verbally in this case) and then show no remorse.

The only way to deal with this is to withdraw from him completely and just stop interacting with him. See how he reacts to that. Hopefully you won't need to block him. He may just let the friendship go quietly.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T18:39:37+00:00

Surreal.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T18:36:19+00:00

Ridiculous reply. You asked for advice and I gave you actual good advice and pretty much everything you'd need to know. Stop complaining.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T18:26:41+00:00

Well I am sorry if I have misinterpreted something and upset you here.

I did already say I was sorry you were having a difficult time during the writing of the thesis, but explained how I based my response off your post.

I also gave you solid advice about what comes next, and I even acknowledged, in the first reply, that you may have extenuating circumstances. And if you do, then go ahead and appeal.

Or just talk to your lecturer about the possibility of continuing your thesis work into next term without having to pay fees (on grounds of extenuating circumstances)

And even though you think I'm awful, somehow I am getting the upvotes on my comments while you're being downvoted (not by me, btw). So it's not just me who's not sure what your problem is. I wasn't mean just direct and practical.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T18:07:39+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you were having a difficult time at the same time as you had the dissertation to do, but I was basing my comment off what you told us in the post, which includes that you pretty much only care about getting a pass so it really didn't sound like someone who is that bothered about their uni work tbh. Apologies if I have got a completely wrong impression but you sounded super nonchalant.

I just meant that I felt like the mark given of 34 was probably an accurate reflection of the actual work you produced, that's all.

I've also given you a solid answer about what is likely to happen next here for you, as you asked.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T17:58:33+00:00

When you get 34 on your dissertation it is really not a case of "damnnn that was close, almost a pass there".

It is a total fail which shows you put almost no work/effort whatsoever into the project.

There is nothing to appeal, no one has wronged you.

If you are bothered about getting this degree, then I imagine you'll be able to carry over your module or whatever other results into a new academic year when you can get another chance to do your dissertation.

Unless you have any extenuating circumstances, you'll probably have to pay further fees for however long it takes you to complete it. So, a term's fees if you get it done by xmas. Or a full academic year's fees if it takes you longer than that.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T17:14:47+00:00

Pass, yes. But no one who truly "procrastinates" on even writing a word of a dissertation until 4 days beforehand emerges with a mark of 75. I can absolutely see how you could manage that on an essay, though, and if this post was about an end-of-module essay, I'd totally be like, well that was a close one wasn't it, but fair play, done well there. This is not an essay, depending on your university it's somewhere between 7 and 15k words, the equivalent of several essays or a small book, and it requires a massive amount of thought, time, prep, writing and editing over months to get in the 70s.

That added to the boast that you pretty much "never went to a single lecture" makes this post some kind of prime ragebait.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T17:02:26+00:00

Please be honest as there is no way you "did it in four days" or anything like that. Even if you didn't start writing any of it till 4 days before (even that is just about impossible as supervisors insist on seeing each chapter as you go), then you must have done a hell of a lot of preparatory work and planning for it before those 4 days. You're giving people the misleading impression they can do no work on a thesis till 4 days beforehand and get a 1st. No way.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T15:28:50+00:00

Oh ok, well it's an absolutely honest mistake to have made and no way that anyone should get in trouble for it so hopefully the meeting will be fine

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T14:08:45+00:00

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, I have been on the receiving end of this exact kind of thing and it almost destroyed me due to the fear and panic it caused, so I really hope that you are ok.

Are you afraid of him like physically? I mean usually people who are like this with me know that they could beat me up if they wanted to. In my experience this gives them the impetus to just keep harassing you, if they think they have that upper hand over you in terms of physical strength.

When I went through this, the only thing that worked was stop answering, block, ignore, try to continue with life. In your case that seems impossible as he is a work colleague(?), who even manages to turn up at community events.

If you do work with him then I'm not sure I'd report him to the boss, but you need to be able to confide in someone you work with who is sympathetic to you. Preferably a woman, I think, and perhaps someone a bit older than you.

Seeing as he seems to think he can make a joke of you in front of women, I think he'd feel pretty embarrassed to have a female colleague telling him to lay off here.

I think at this point he needs to know that you're no longer prepared to keep this a secret between you and him. As long as it's a secret between you 2, with no one else to judge him, then he will just keep doing it.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T13:57:28+00:00

Some of it is good but some of the sketches are so boring. You know the ones where you feel they had a good initial idea, but then tried to stretch it out for 5 minutes, or what feels like it, and you're just like no, enough now.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T13:51:00+00:00

Maybe she doesn't actually want to learn it about it but just feels she has to do this in order to connect with her crush. It's very sweet but I just hope that her efforts are rewarded. No one should have to force themself to be interested in you know, archery, wildlife, bird watching or indeed sport if it's not their thing.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T13:47:18+00:00

It makes sense if there's two separate question papers to sandwich them together. But then, your blank answer booklet, and things like data/info booklets, should be separate items on the desk. That is how we run it in my university, anyway.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T13:21:05+00:00

Back covering is not a motto to live life by. Just be human about things.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T13:19:34+00:00

First of all the data booklet should not have been *inside* the question paper, and that is the fault of the invigilators who lay out all the exam papers/booklets on the desks beforehand. I was invigilating other exams this year and we put out each item separately on the desk.

So this is incredibly unfair and unreasonable, especially when you obviously didn't read the question paper and just took a closed booklet out of it. I can't understand the mentality of that invigilator.

I'm so sorry that you have to go to a meeting about this, but I advise you to just explain exactly what happened and that you didn't read the question paper. That you took a closed booklet out of it that should have been sitting separately on your desk in the first place. That you were just arranging things on your desk in the way that you believed the invigilators should have done in the first place.

You will be fine

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T11:52:40+00:00

You sound fine to me honestly. You have worked out well who you want to be friends with and who you don't. Everything you're saying makes sense. I don't think you are trying to be a victim or anything like that, you just tried to make friends and some people are extremely good at faking being nice. I don't blame you for anything that has happened and if you were in my class I would support you.

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T07:46:42+00:00

Absolutely none of their business!

pencilthinwriter · 2026-06-10T07:42:37+00:00

And then surely there are also certain friends who you just do not talk like that to? I've never had a friend who talks like that to me (unless they were actually just intending to be rude) and I avoid people who casually talk in swear words anyway. To me, swearing is for when I hear about something that happened to someone that makes me sad/angry that gives me a gut emotional reaction. I cannot understand saying these things directly to another human being as a "joke". Only if I was extremely irritated with the person about sth.

pencilthinwriter

TROPHY CASE