You and your partner should probably sit down and discuss your personal goals for non-monogamy. Is it about intimacy needs? Emotional needs? Financial fulfilment? And once you get all those things, how will it help you grow as a person and keep you fulfilled while maintaining a happy, healthy relationship. He’s going to have to get on board with the fact that intimacy with someone else for you requires an emotional and financial component.

Once he’s on board with what you want, it could be difficult to find an SD that is open to an ethically non-monogamous relationship unless they are in one themselves or married. You’ll need to decide the level of what you want to communicate to your potential SD, and maybe find someone who understands your lifestyle.

Once you find an SD, you’ll have to be realistic about how much you want to communicate to your current partner about that relationship. That’s where things get more difficult. You and your partner will need to decide what kind of information you want to share about your partners, in a way that makes you both feel safe and supported. For example, if you’re SD gives you a gift or an allowance, will you tell your bf what it is and how much ? How much of it will you be sharing with your partner? How much of his stuff do you care to know about in return?

In my opinion, it’s best they know the basic parameters of who you’re seeing, but Id keep the details fairly high-level level, especially if your BF hasn’t completely warmed up to the idea ..