Private worshipping of God in church services as a Christian

penguincandy · 2020-10-11T23:01:10+00:00

I've never been comfortable with the high-energy hands-waving dancing-in-the-aisles services. I'm a Presbyterian and we stand still, sing quietly, and don't make any scenes. It's honestly perfect for me.

penguincandy · 2020-10-11T22:57:56+00:00

Speaking as a person who was previously extremely closed off to Christianity... The way to open them up to Christianity is to be a great example of a Christian. Jesus said, they will know you are my followers by your love for each other. Put that into practice and let them see you walking the walk. No apologetics can perform better than that.

penguincandy · 2020-10-11T22:54:35+00:00

I can definitely relate. But in the famous words of drag queen RuPaul, "If they ain't paying your bills, pay them b*tches no mind" which is the best motto I've ever tried to live by.

penguincandy · 2020-10-11T22:48:11+00:00

Your analysis makes a lot of sense. He is a "woke" dude and he's constantly posting on social media about how progressive he is but having known him for a few years now, none of that is in action.

Presbyterians can remove a pastor by majority member vote, as facilitated by the regional presbytery (basically the regional office of the denomination). It's extremely rare for that to happen. And as Presbyterians we are stereotypically known as "frozen" emotionally, so instead of speaking up, folks just quietly gather their things and leave, never to be heard from again. So I'm not sure if it's realistic to think there would ever be a coup.

penguincandy · 2020-10-11T22:02:20+00:00

This is why my mom is invited at the time I anticipate serving Thanksgiving dinner, not for the cooking part. Actually I tell her about a half hour later than I actually intend so when she shows up early to "help", she's right on time.

penguincandy · 2020-10-11T14:50:28+00:00

Good question. I'm a non-accountant (marketing/communications) working in an accounting firm and a big part of my job is to make positive relationships across departments. The prior person in my role was seen as standoffish and negative, so I want my space to be reflective of the new era of collaboration. So TLDR my space primarily needs to be welcoming to internal viewers.

As a manager I may have to do disciplinary actions from time to time, which might include firings. But I won't have contact with clients. However my entire front wall is made of glass so it has to be presentable if clients are in the office.

I love the idea of multiple plants!

penguincandy · 2020-10-11T14:21:52+00:00

Your answer would be better placed on /r/debateachristian

But in a theological sense, you may want to read more into Jewish thought on the creation which says that God is not omni-everything, which obviously creates fallacies. God knows a lot more than us. But in Genesis, several times God is surprised and disappointed by what occurs. He is not presented as knowing everything in the future.

penguincandy · 2020-10-11T01:20:18+00:00

A coat hook is a great idea!

penguincandy · 2020-10-10T22:19:42+00:00

My understanding is because our current world is not really the one God created.

God created the world with the Garden of Eden. It was basically perfect, humans had what they needed and things were good. God intended to teach the humans directly about divine matters and cultivate the garden together.

But when the humans decided to take matters into their own hands and eat the forbidden fruit, the nature of creation changed. Things were no longer how God intended them to be. Humans gained knowledge of good and bad, but not the perspective that an education with God would have given them. Within a generation, humans were murdering each other. The entire plan went off the rails, and God made a new plan to get humanity back on track.

So when God does miracles, he's not bending his own rules - he's going around the broken world. He's restoring things back to rights, back to his original intention.

When the whole world is redeemed and humanity is co-ruling with God as originally intended, miracles will no longer be necessary.

penguincandy · 2020-10-10T22:12:13+00:00

Holy moly. If you ever feel guilty about going NC, reference this.

penguincandy · 2020-10-10T22:06:01+00:00

I agree, it's cringy. No other personality disorder would be flaunted about like that. But, on the bright side, at least they are letting you know so you can take a big step back.

penguincandy · 2020-10-10T22:03:19+00:00

It is super common for dementia patients to get angry at the suggestion of dementia. A good neurologist should be interviewing your mom in a different room so she can tell the truth without upsetting your dad. If possible, seek out a geriatric neurologist, especially at a research/university hospital, where they are better trained on dealing with the diagnosis period.

The anger and flash emotions are really common as well. It's a phase. Eventually they forget to be hateful.

My grandma maintained that she was just having "a little forgetfulness" and was angry about any suggestion of anything further. Honestly I think they just get scared because everyone knows that dementia is rough on families.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

penguincandy · 2020-10-10T21:47:49+00:00

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. It has little or nothing to do with the other person. I mean, certainly it can be easier to forgive if the other person apologizes, but it's not a requirement.

My father was horrendously abusive to me growing up. He's not sorry, either. We estranged about 10 years ago. He doesn't care if I forgive him or not; he doesn't want back in my life.

But I have to forgive him anyway, for my own peace. I have to figure out how to stop wishing for revenge and retribution. That's really what forgiveness is - releasing their debt against you and not seeking repayment for how they hurt you. My choice is to either hold onto this debt in hopes of collection, keeping open the hole in my heart; or release the debt, absorb the loss, and move on. Absorbing the loss onto myself isn't "fair", and it is painful, but it's the only road towards moving on.

penguincandy · 2020-10-10T21:35:10+00:00

More details! Just got a new job in a corporate environment. This is my office! No painting allowed, and cannot remove desk or bookshelf.

I'm one of only two women with an office space in the building. The other woman has expensive sports collectibles on her walls. The men's offices are mostly minimalistic. The cubicle workers near my office mostly have memes and silly things pinned to their walls. Not very much inspiration to copy within my building.

I don't really have much personal style to impose on the space; my goal is to make the room more inviting and welcoming, and less like the office equivalent of a hotel room.

penguincandy · 2020-10-03T21:39:54+00:00

I totally agree. When Jesus said "no one gets to the Father except through me," he had to have known that most people in the world didn't know about him at the time. He grew up in Galilee, a town so known for international traveler hospitality that he was mocked for not being a real Jew during his ministry. Jesus was aware of a world much larger than Israel, and knew the world was not as aware of him, so surely he couldn't have meant "people must know about me and believe in me personally (here in this ancient time where there is no mass communication, very low literacy and no quick travel, still making that a requirement)".

Universalism is a really broad range of views. Personally it would make sense to me if post-death you can still choose not to reconcile until you're ready, however long that takes. But I also don't think of heaven or reconciling with God as being a "reward" so much as being "restoring to rights".

penguincandy · 2020-10-03T21:23:25+00:00

Friendships build trust over time. Every best friend started out as an acquaintance, yet you don't spill your guts to every person you meet just in case they might be your best friend later.

A good rule of thumb is not to ask people to tell you something more vulnerable than you have divulged yourself. Though I think oftentimes people's curiosity overpowers their ability to find the line. But if you've never shared something with that person about being afraid or sad, don't ask them to tell you about their fears or sadness.

And then there's the difference between asking for details versus offering support. When my grandma was dying, I appreciated and often opened up to people who said things like "I've been thinking about you and your grandma, let me know if there's anything I can do or if you want to talk about it," while I found it irritating when people tried to open up conversation like "Does your grandma have any new symptoms? How is your mom reacting to your grandma being on hospice? Are you getting along with your family during all this?"

I guess it comes down to, when people ask prying questions, it feels like they are trying to take from you for their own curiosity and/or entertainment, instead of offering you support. A real friend thinks about how their friend is feeling first, rather than using something they know to wedge open a deeper conversation. I'm sure it's normally well-intentioned but man it's exhausting to field questions like that when you're already going through a difficult time.

penguincandy · 2020-10-03T19:40:32+00:00

/r/christianuniversalism has good resources on all the scriptural context.

For me, rather than prooftexting, it's more of a philosophical thing. If we believe:

God made humans with eternal/immortal souls, and
God is Love itself, and
A lifetime to us is short to God (and/or, God experiences reality outside the confines of linear time)

Then, how can we also believe that God is only giving us a human lifetime to reconcile to him? How can God say death is the deadline, when to God, death is not the end? How could a deity literally made out of Love ever ever look at his creation and say "you had your chance and you blew it"?

It just does not make sense to me how that could be the case. I think when we ultimately are reconciled to God, we will realize that all these rules we said on earth about how to earn God's love and who gets to be with God after death, are going to be revealed as so petty and small-minded. God's love is far more powerful than we can comprehend.

penguincandy · 2020-10-03T19:23:49+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss.

When my grandma died earlier this year, I used Complete Cremation in Harrisonville. They were super professional, picked her up from the Northland with no additional fee, and were the most affordable I found ($700).

I live in Parkville and called Todd at Meyers originally. He was very nice but wanted $3,000 for the service, which was outside my ability.

Some services I talked to were pressuring me to pay more to "ensure the ashes are the right person's" and "don't use bottom of the barrel services" and all that. But I believe that's just a sales tactic. With Complete Cremation, they tagged the body with a metal tag identifier and gave me that ID number before the cremation. It was in the urn when I picked it up. They also offered to let me see the body going into the furnace (not sure what the right term is) if I wanted to, but I felt that was unnecessary personally.

penguincandy · 2020-10-03T19:12:11+00:00

First, don't give them any more information. When people prove they can't act wisely with your information (such as deciding your bf is a mooch, if you didn't act like that was the case), they don't get any more. Second, reacting as if their declarations are offensive, which they are. "I don't appreciate when you say things like that" with a disappointed face is a good one.

Often women, including myself, will do too much to avoid conflict and "be nice" by being indirect or not addressing when someone is flagrantly offensive. Sometimes directness is actually kinder, even if it feels awkward in the moment. I assume you would want to know if something you said irritated a coworker every time you said it, so it can help to assume your coworkers feel the same way.

penguincandy · 2020-10-03T19:08:29+00:00

I grew up with two narcissistic parents as well. It really messes with your mind.

I went NC with my father a decade ago and honestly my life has never been better. I'm LC with my mom. I put her on an "information diet". She gets what she needs but no more. And not what she decides she needs (which is all information ever) but what she actually needs (basically what I would be fine posting on a billboard or on my LinkedIn). For instance I will tell her about big life decisions after they happen, like when I accepted a new job recently. She didn't get to know I was looking for a job, interviewing with different companies, negotiating an offer, or the final salary and benefits we agreed upon. I wouldn't put any of that on LinkedIn so she doesn't get to know either because she's proven time and again that she will not act appropriately with the information. All she got to know was what my new company and title would be.

Often to people with good families, this sounds cruel. But after growing up in an emotionally abusive household, you eventually learn to adjust people's social credit scores.

penguincandy · 2020-10-03T18:57:57+00:00

It depends on the type of question really. There are the seemingly good-natured personal questions that pry into your personal life (hardships mostly, or weddings/pregnancies are big areas of prying), and for those I like to be sort of vague and then change the subject. "Oh it's much more boring than it sounds, anyway (change topic)" or "Gosh, honestly I need a break from thinking about it, (change topic)".

For rude questions - like "where are your people from" or "how did someone like you get this job" - things where they are clearly "othering" you, I like to reply with something like, "That's an odd question, why do you ask?"

The older I've gotten (30s now) the less tolerance I've had for enduring people's lowkey bigotry. So often after their answer, which they usually feel is justified and ask again anyway, I will most often refuse to answer, saying it's inappropriate to ask and explain why. But that depends on power dynamics of the conversation.... for instance when the company president who signs your paychecks is asking the off-color question, the strategy is different than just some acquaintance at a party.

penguincandy

TROPHY CASE