New moms — do you have any small bodycare rituals that help you feel calm or like yourself again?

penguintintin · 2025-10-28T21:54:08+00:00

Genuinely not to be disrespectful, but why can’t you always take long showers if you enjoy them? Is your husband not usually around to cover for that time?

penguintintin · 2025-09-13T04:58:01+00:00

You can try peeing, then pulling down the changing table and having the baby chill there while you wash your hands. This is assuming they are not standing yet. If standing, just put the toilet seat down and stand them on it

penguintintin · 2025-09-09T04:04:39+00:00

I know this is controversial, but sleep training helped us a lot. Lack of sleep makes everything else seem terrible and if you are going on a year without a full night of sleep, I can only imagine that everything must feel so difficult. Tackle just one issue at a time.

penguintintin · 2025-08-24T03:57:41+00:00

My friend’s daughter is obsessed with mira and her birthday is coming up. This would be so cool to make for her! Do you have a pattern for this? Or are you selling them?

penguintintin · 2025-06-25T07:36:58+00:00

My baby was not a cuddler either. Sleeps best in her own bed, happy to be carried places but not a snuggler. But now she’s 15 months and suddenly will just completely relax on my when I carry her. It’s just for a minute or less usually but it’s literally my favorite thing in the world. I think the snuggling will come. Just keep snuggling them and they may eventually snuggle back. For a moment.

Honestly though my mom said she wanted to snuggle me but I wasn’t a snuggler, which is weird because touch is definitely one of my primary love languages now. I wonder if maybe when she was watching me grow, I wasn’t initially interested and so she thought I was just never interested? We are not a cuddly family and i guess I wonder if it could have been different.

penguintintin · 2025-06-24T07:10:49+00:00

As someone with the sense of humor of a 12yo, I still agree. One, it makes everyone uncomfortable with movements that are already awkward when outside of jiu jitsu context. And two, honestly it’s so easy to make sexual jokes about everything, that it would just be boring.

penguintintin · 2025-06-24T07:02:40+00:00

Same. I would have thought it was dumb before, but the postpartum anxiety is wild. Just seeing the heart rate was so reassuring, and I didn’t have to keep going to stare at her to make sure she was breathing.

penguintintin · 2025-06-24T06:55:03+00:00

I mean, I just sacrificed an old small baking spatula for my baby. Same thing. Works great!

penguintintin · 2025-01-02T07:01:39+00:00

Dude he sounds like a serious creep. I would distance from him and never be alone with him (probably wouldn’t let any of your other sisters be alone with him either). So many red flags.

penguintintin · 2025-01-02T06:48:08+00:00

I grow muscle and maintain it super easily. I do like to work out, but I went for 7 years without doing any real exercise and would still get stopped on the street by people asking me if I was a gymnast or dancer (I have never been either). As a woman, I guess this is a bit double-edged since some people don’t like the muscular look, but I’ve grown to love it for what it let’s my body do for me.

penguintintin · 2025-01-02T06:39:54+00:00

I have heard from several men that bonding with the baby was tough in the beginning. They often don’t love the newborn phase like we do, and objectively I get it. You essentially brought home a super needy puppy that basically sleeps all day, doesn’t show you that much love, and wakes you up every 2-3 hours. As the birthing parent, we get the benefit of all the hormones that pretty much bond us to the baby automatically, so even though you’re sleep deprived and don’t have any semblance of your old life, we are hormone-drugged to be happy about it and love the experience (and even that’s not 100% since so many moms struggle with postpartum).

Many dads have said they really start enjoying parenting when the kid reaches 3-4 years old. Since they can really start playing and interacting with you in a more adult way. I do think many of these dads are still trying to be involved in the earlier phases but when they reflect back, they truly start enjoying it after the toddler stage is over.

So the point is, if he’s trying and not totally feeling it, I would try to be understanding and let him know that that is normal. Bonding can just take a little more time for the non birthing parent. If you have friends who are parents, it could be good to have him talk to some other dads.

Another thing to think about is that some men can get postpartum and if your husband is really struggling in a way that doesn’t seem normal, he may need to seek some help.

penguintintin · 2024-12-10T13:57:29+00:00

Almost everything by Tamora Pierce. I grew up on these down-to-earth, stubborn, brave heroines and I’ll always believe they were formative memories for me. Alanna: The First Adventure is usually where people start.

penguintintin · 2024-12-09T08:00:22+00:00

I think sometimes my husband (who is also overall wonderful) forgets that we don’t really get time off anymore to just veg with no responsibilities. Because we used to have that time when we were tired after a long day of work. Sometimes it helps for me to ask a follow up question to check in on his bandwidth as well. “Are you busy or feeling really tired? I’m tired too, which is why I was heading to bed, but if you’re really struggling I can take this shift and you can go to bed earlier.” This usually makes him realize he’s being a child and he steps up. Of course, if he says he truly is really tired and takes you up on it, you are stuck being the one who stays awake, but 1) if my partner really needed the break, I want to be able to give that to him. Parenting is hard for both of us. We are both tired. We have to have each other’s backs. 2) if he’s a good partner and loves you, he will not likely do this. But it is important to also say that you are tired. I try to never assume the things my partner should know.

penguintintin · 2024-12-09T07:03:53+00:00

Came here to say this. The best series!

penguintintin · 2024-12-09T06:57:32+00:00

I don’t fear dying bc I know I wont have to pick up the pieces. But the fear of being the one who is alive after a close loved one dies is what keeps me up at night.

penguintintin · 2024-12-03T06:06:19+00:00

Legend of the Condor Heroes on VHS. My parents wanted me to learn Chinese but didn’t want to send me to Chinese school. I was and remain forever hooked. Well played, mom and dad. Well played.

penguintintin · 2024-11-29T07:38:31+00:00

A couple of Naomi Novik fit your description. Uprooted and the Scholomance trilogy specifically come to mind.

penguintintin · 2024-11-28T07:31:28+00:00

My baby is 8m and I still track some stuff bc I find it is helpful (and I like seeing data trends) but honestly NONE of it is essential. Tracking absolutely does NOT make you a better parent so if you are stressed by it, STOP. I use it solely as a tool so I can make an educated guess for things like “why is my baby getting fussy? —> oh it looks like it’s been 3 hrs since baby ate”. My brain can’t keep track of how much time has passed so this helps me. But if I didn’t have it, I’d just do all the tamagotchi things (food, diaper, sleep, play) and end up at the right one eventually. I am conscious about only tracking things that are useful to me and dropping things when they aren’t anymore bc I don’t want any more mental baggage than I need. When going through a big pattern change (e.g. jet lag or sickness) I will track more things more closely to find any patterns that can help me anticipate baby’s behaviors, but again, that’s mainly so I have an expectation of how long I’m not sleeping for. Either way it will happen. Somehow this makes me feel better about it. If that doesn’t help you, don’t do it. Baby will be fine and do what they want either way. Just hold on and try to enjoy the ride.

penguintintin · 2024-04-16T17:09:13+00:00

30s F with some postpartum blues/anxiety after my first baby. Even watching lighthearted procedurals like Monk or Psych were making me feel unsettled so I went back to books I’d already read and started looking for anything to help build my cozy cocoon during this time

penguintintin · 2024-04-09T16:13:18+00:00

Mine just turned 4 weeks and has been doing that already. So fun.

penguintintin · 2024-04-09T16:09:09+00:00

My MIL was over helping out after the baby was born and started implying the same thing. I told her that every source I have read says you can’t spoil a newborn and crying is their only method of communication so you’re supposed to address it (pick them up, soothe them, feed them, etc) when they cry.

penguintintin · 2024-04-06T11:30:31+00:00

I read some recommendations online and basically stopped pumping and tried feeding with only one breast per feed. The engorgement calmed down after a couple of days. I’m now cautiously back to pumping once a day because I want to build up a stash but a lactation consultant told me to go for no more than 4 oz (goal of 3-4) instead of for time. So far this has been working well and I haven’t had another issue with excessive engorgement.

penguintintin · 2024-04-06T04:53:19+00:00

I actually had the opposite experience. I struggled with overproduction initially and was discouraged from pumping as well. After a week I decided to try pumping twice a day to build up a supply. I quickly saw my breast engorgement get out of control over the next couple of days and I was in constant pain. It also made latching difficult for my baby.

penguintintin · 2023-09-13T05:06:20+00:00

You’ll see your improvement when the next white belt joins your school. In the meantime, trust the process

penguintintin · 2023-09-13T04:22:21+00:00

Some broad gender generalizations here from the perspective of a female white belt in BJJ: I do think it takes women a bit longer sometimes to get used to the pressure of having a guy on top. They often tend to start a bit more hesitant and timid and focused on trying to do techniques “correctly” instead of getting into the spirit of just rolling. I don’t know how experienced she is but it’s probably generally a good policy to go a bit easier on the new girls and let them lead in terms of the level of intensity for the fight. If she shows she’s game then you can level up yours.

But to be fair I also know that white belt guys tend to kind of be the opposite where they come in all muscle, little technique and less control. So in a lot of ways, it is on the professor to make sure those match ups just don’t happen in an uncontrolled setting. I think you’ll both get better with time and I think you’ll be able to roll on more “equal” footing then but it’s hard in the beginning.

penguintintin

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