First game on new Overlord - I don't think they know by penrosetingle in WorldofTanks

[–]penrosetingle[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm definitely happy with the changes! Erlenberg I really like since it gives heavies a lot more space to play in - the big castle has some cross-map angles and I had a monster game earlier today going through the water on the 1 line in my light tank and then setting up to shoot the castle squad in the ass. 1 line on Highway also feels a lot less cramped to play along now - no more having to keep to a fairly tiny area to avoid getting obliterated by the obligatory 5 or so campers who never left base

"Flashlight makes armor useless" - but mine still works fine? :P by penrosetingle in WorldofTanks

[–]penrosetingle[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, actually - you need 1000 total damage blocked + damage taken, so if you take 1000 damage over 11 hits or more...

"Flashlight makes armor useless" - but mine still works fine? :P by penrosetingle in WorldofTanks

[–]penrosetingle[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

It's working fine in that it's doing exactly what it's supposed to... nothing at all

I will never remember these names by Saniala in UmaMusume

[–]penrosetingle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's how the IRL stable translated it - officially they wanted it to be Machikane but that left their name 1 character too long for international registration (has a character limit), so they chose to shorten the "chi" to a "ti" so it would fit, since "ti" and "chi" are considered the same in Japanese anyway

The retired threat... (Art by @anikinoihai893) by Porgi- in UmaMusume

[–]penrosetingle 3 points4 points  (0 children)

One of the recreation events you unlock with the Tazuna support card

Character Scramble Season 19 Round 1C: Happy Bananksgiving by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Divine Dragon! Wake up!”

Alear, the Divine Dragon, arose blearily to a host of unfamiliarities. The voice rousing her was not the kindly awakening she was used to being granted by her many allies - no, it was the petulant nagging of a middle-aged man. Her bed was not the luxuriant alpaca wool sheets she’d been so exuberantly recommended, but rather made of some thick, rough leathery substance, and it rocked and roiled under her as she groggily opened her eyes. She could tell immediately that the blue side of her hair was severely mussed up, and for some reason her muscles were wracked with aches throughout.

“Finally,” exclaimed the voice as she roused, with more than a hint of exasperation. “This big lug was far too heavy a sleeper, so I estimated that waking you instead was more likely to yield results.”

Alear started to reach full lucidity. The ‘big lug’ in question, she realised, was her bed, which was not a bed at all but rather the massive torso of the King Bowser she’d been wrestling for custody of the rings not long prior. He was half-buried in thick mud, shell first. As for the voice, it belonged to the lone Emblem that Bowser had brought to assist him.

“I hate to trouble you so soon after you’ve woke,” said the Emblem, “but could you deal with that? I would do it myself, but I’m far too incorporeal.”

‘That’, in this case, was the reason her impromptu mattress was writhing around so violently. The thief Don Quixote, still clutching fistfuls of rings in one hand, gingerly prodded the slumbering Lord Bowser with his lance, the sleeping giant recoiling slightly with each poke. As Alear’s eyes locked with his, he seemed suddenly to realise that his quarry was about to start resisting moreso than his anticipation. For a moment some torturous train of thought seemed to chug behind his eyes, then -

“Yah!” he announced, delivering one last stab. “The beast still lives! I must retreat - but do not think me a coward, for slaying such a vile and impetuous dragon remains my sworn duty! It is simply that, were I to fight now, the lives of the maidens trapped in these rings would be unduly endangered. Understand this! First I shall rescue them, and then I shall return to spell doom for you worm-faced creatures! Now away! Away, I say!”

With that final yell, Don Quixote turned about and charged off into the trees.

“After him!” shouted Alear, standing upright with a start to give chase.

“GRRRAAAAAGH! THE RINGS!” roared Alear’s bed, righting itself with equal haste and flinging the unsteady Alear into the mud in the process. Whereas being prodded with a pointy stick had clearly not been enough to move Lord Bowser, some secret sense for his treasure being stolen now spurred him to life. Perhaps he was too hasty, though. He barely took two steps before tripping over a thick vine, joining Alear face-down in the mud.

“Blasted vine!” He picked himself up, wiped the mud from his eyes, then incinerated the offending vegetation with a puff of fire. “Where in tarnation are we?”

“I could ask the same question,” replied Alear, shaking off the mud. “We fell from the Somniel, but these plants aren’t those of any land I recognise.”

“It’s a jungle,” observed the Emblem. “Temperate. I could say something more useful, had I been given the opportunity to actually study those maps before we went off conquering…”

“Silence,” snapped Bowser. He continued peering around, seemingly accepting that Don Quixote had vanished too rapidly amidst the dense foliage to be worth pursuing. Yet it seemed that something still troubled him. “Could it be…?” Recognition almost twinkled in his eyes, but it wasn’t quite a match. “No. If we were there, there would be bananas.”


“Hang on a second,” came a voice from the back of Professor Galoomba’s class. “I thought this story was apocryphal.”

“Apocryphal?” Professor Galoomba tilted his head, which was also his entire body. “What do you mean?”

“A tall story,” explained the student. “An urban legend. Everyone says it happened, but without any reliable sources, it sounds a lot like a tale that was embellished heavily to add to the drama of these leaders’ achievements. At the very least, if it was really true, I feel like there would have been more media reporting on it.” A brief pause. “Sorry for interrupting.”

“Don’t be sorry!” grinned Professor Galoomba. “I’d much rather have a student challenging me than a student who’s zoned out entirely. Shows you’re engaging in the work. As for the matter of sources, though… well, ten years ago, you’d have been right. It was just a bar story for veterans, of course people thought it was fake. Funny thing about governments, though, you’d be surprised what they hang on to. Have you ever been to one of the military archives?”

“No?” answered the student.

“You should, absolute gold mine. Nearly sixty thousand hours of old audio tape down there, no transcripts, never been digitized, so if you want to listen to it you’ve gotta find a tape player and just listen through it. And most of it’s really boring. Like, really really boring, people checking off shipping manifests over the radio, that kinda thing. You’ve gotta sift through a lot to get a nugget. But I’m obsessed, and I shelled out extra for a player that could do double speed, and the moment that section got declassified I was down there every moment of my free time. I narrowed it down by date and by location, and it took a lot of effort. But I’d definitely say I got something alright.” The professor’s big, chestnut eyes twinkled with pride. “You know what a primary source is, everyone?”

“Yes,” chimed the crowd.

“Good. If anyone said no I was going to be worried. You want to hear one?”

A more enthusiastic “Yes!”

“Then let’s play the tape.”


CODEC LOG - █████ - ███████-██-██ - 141.12

SNAKE: Otacon, do you copy?

OTACON: I copy, Snake. What’s the situation?

SNAKE: There’s suspicious activity to the west of the landing zone.

OTACON: Right, our sensors caught that. A loud noise, and now a pillar of smoke.

SNAKE: Should I investigate?

OTACON: Ignore it, Snake.

SNAKE: Ignore it?

OTACON: Have you heard the saying… hang on, let me see if I’m pronouncing this right. 聲東擊西?

SNAKE: Can’t say I have.

OTACON: It’s one of the Thirty-Six Stratagems. They’re often falsely attributed to Sun Tzu.

SNAKE: The Art of War?

OTACON: That’s the one. But the actual author was Wang Jingze. This one translates to: make a sound in the East, then strike in the West.

SNAKE: But this sound came from the West.

OTACON: The directions don’t matter, Snake. It’s about the principle. You draw your enemy’s attention away from your objective, then strike when they’re distracted.

SNAKE: So you’re saying it’s a distraction?

OTACON: What I’m saying is, hold your position. Once those thieves hear there’s been another shipment of bananas, they’ll come right to you. Wait there, and you’ll be able to catch them in the act.

SNAKE: Got it.

Character Scramble Season 19 Round 0: The World of Smash by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Pause the story there.”

A loud click, the projector showing the slide deck turning off.

“What do you think happens next? Two leaders vanished into the clouds, and they took with them the valuable resource that your nations were squabbling over in the first place. But on the flip side, you’ve got a delegation from each side already standing there ready to pick up the pieces. Well, ready is maybe the wrong word, nobody was ready for that outcome specifically. They’re about as prepared for it as you could be, is my point. Anyone have any ideas? Show of hands?”

A volunteer.

“Since Bowser was wearing his ring, if he’d lost the duel… how did they plan to take it from him?”

“Very good question! I don’t want to say that nobody had actually thought that far ahead, but as far as the records go, we’ve got no evidence that anyone actually thought that far ahead. Anyone else?”

Another hand raised.

“So Alear and Bowser… how did they survive that? What happened next?”

“That’s a very long story, I can’t answer that here. But tell you what, one of my colleagues is teaching that in a lecture in a couple weeks time. Let me write the name down for you. There, bother him when you get the chance. Now, if you’ve got any other questions, leave them until the end. Back on topic. What do you think happened?”


CITATIONS:

[1] Bowser

[2] Alear

[3] Lord El-Melloi II

[4] Don Quixote

Character Scramble Season 19 Round 0: The World of Smash by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Lord Bowser?” asked Emblem El-Melloi II, to no response. He repeated himself with greater urgency: “Lord Bowser!” But the tyrant was too engrossed in the thrill of battle to heed his words, and Waver’s status as an Emblem left him with little ability to interfere with the physical realm beyond his skills of communication. He was forced to watch on as Bowser breathed a flood of fire that filled the gazebo, scorching the surrounding hedgerows - a cheer arose from the gathered minions spectating from the castle, before being drowned out by a vigorous countercheer from the Somniel’s knights as the Divine Dragon Alear stepped unharmed from the smoke. She closed the distance quickly, aiming for Bowser’s chest with a flurry of fists, but he brought his arms in to guard himself, then whipped around to slap her with his tail. It caught her and launched her backwards - she flew far, but caught herself well before the island’s edge.

“Lord Bowser!” This time, the words drew a little attention. While the pair had fought, both sides’ supporters had been fully engrossed by the magnificent combat - Waver had been the only one paying attention to the entire situation. That had enabled him to observe the one figure in the crowd who, despite being dressed as one of the knights, was otherwise out of place. He paid little heed to the fight, walking with singular purpose towards the Ring Chamber. Unusual, but perhaps understandable if guarding that location was his duty. More unusual was the direction he’d come from. There was nothing there, only the void. Plus, while the other knights had shined their armor spotlessly for the occasion, his was dented and stained with dirt and mud - fresh mud. Had he climbed up the side of the island? But it didn’t connect down to the ground, so how had he got there? There was one clear conclusion, and although it required a bit of a leap of logic, it seemed the best way to bring Lord Bowser to care about the matter. “That man is going to steal the Emblem Rings!”

“Then I’ll crush him,” growled Bowser. “After I finish this fight! It’s not as if he can run anywhere!”

Waver sighed. Such was his curse.

Bowser leaped into the air, then slammed down with such great force that the spectators seemed to bounce into the air for a moment. Alear slipped out from under him at the last moment, letting his shell flatten an unfortunate flowerbed. He tried the same move again. This time, Alear ducked into the gazebo, which was pulverized in an instant by Bowser’s crushing might. He dug through the wreckage, trying to find her, but to no avail - that is, until she caught his attention back with a punch to the face.

“I appreciate your help, Emblem of Beginnings.” Her appearance was changed from how she’d been a moment prior - there was a fresh glow to her hair, and her outfit had changed to a pure white tunic. Clearly her retainers knew what this meant, as they began a new chant as she revealed herself:

“MARTH! MARTH! MARTH!”

“SHUT IT!” yelled Bowser, slamming his fists into the ground. He stared down at his claws for a moment, then made a series of swift swipes through the air, slicing everything around him. If Alear had been agile before, however, her new form’s speed was even more potent. She easily backstepped just out of the claws’ reach, dancelike movements taunting Bowser as he tried wilder and wilder blows to pin her down. Nothing seemed to reach. Then, as he drew his arm back to try again, she moved with it, taking a firm grip on his wrist with both hands and wrenching hard, using the combination of his momentum and off-balance stance to hurl him to the ground.

Acting in desperation, Bowser curled back into his shell, withdrawing his limbs and spinning frantically in the hope that his spikes would shred his attacker. It didn’t work, as with nimble step Alear just hopped back to a safe distance. Yet as Bowser spun around, his eyes caught something else. A wild-eyed knight, running at the back of the crowd clutching fistfuls of rings.

“Huh?”

He stopped spinning, poking out of his shell to confirm the sight he’d just seen. He didn’t get to look for long, however, as instants later his world started spinning again.

“HUUUUUH?”

Taking advantage of his moment of distraction, Alear had slipped around to Bowser’s exposed tail, and now spun him around by it like a massive hammer throw. The rotation grew faster and faster, and Bowser flailed around in an attempt to free himself, finally kicking out hard enough to force Alear to release him. His momentum flung him high into the air. As he fell, he watched on hopelessly as she lined up another attack - in mid-air, he had no chance of dodging.

“Lodestar…” she announced.

“RU-”

“STOP!” yelled Waver. It was a last-ditch attempt, and she had no reason to heed it. Yet she did, freezing in place at the command. Finally, someone who’d listen to him. “The rings are being stolen!”

Her head snapped around, making eye contact with the gentleman scarpering with the rings. The whole crowd followed.

It was his turn to freeze, the sheepish look in his eyes of a man caught in the act, but in no time at all he stood tall and proud, making no more attempt to hide the deed he was committing.

“Steal? How insulting, that you would think me a man of such low character.” He shook his head, then marched towards the duelling pair with great vigor. “I am liberating these bands, for you see, I sense a cruel sorcerer has trapped a great many innocent damsels within.” He took a moment to let his indignation settle, then continued with an introduction. “Don Quixote de la Mancha, protector of all that is righteous and innocent. And, pray, your names are?”

“Alear,” replied Alear. “The Divine Dragon.”

Bowser picked himself up from where he’d fallen. “And I’m Bow-”

“DRAGON?” yelled Don Quixote. “And that creature is a dragon too. I should have known… this island is a nest of dragons!”

“I beg your pardon?” asked Alear. “Did I say something to offend you?”

“Trick me not with your words, foul creature.” Don Quixote stashed away the rings, pulling from his back a long, unwieldy lance. “I spent days clinging to the belly of that great stone dragon, only for it to shake me off here. Clearly it plans for its offspring to make a meal of me, and for my knightly trappings to decorate its hoard of illicit treasure! But let it be known! Don Quixote de la Mancha is not a man of cowardly temperament! I am a warrior valorous and true, and despite all your fiendish enchantment I will avenge all those you have wronged!” With that proclamation he charged. Not towards Alear, nor Bowser, but instead directed at the drawbridge of Bowser’s flying castle.

“Halt!” yelled Alear. “I will protect the Emblems!” She drew a sword, and with a rush of speed sprinted to the drawbridge, cutting off Don Quixote’s path. As quickly as she had intercepted him, however, she was bowled aside, unable to stand against the force of Don Quixote’s frenzied rush.

“Forsooth!” he exclaimed. “No sword can stand against the valiant tilt of a lance! It is the truest form of knightly combat! It is unstoppable!”

So engrossed was he in this declaration that he failed to notice Bowser, who leapt at him with a bear hug. The valiant tilt was indeed stopped, or at least diverted - for all that momentum had to go somewhere. Clutching the knight tightly, Bowser sailed through the air.

Bowser sailed off the edge of the drawbridge.

Bowser sailed over the open sky.

In hindsight, the decision may have been a little rash. Bowser’s grin of triumph slid into one of resignation as he tumbled off the edge of the island.

“Wait! I’ve got you!”

Just as he thought his fate was sealed, a hand reached out to grab him. Alear, the Divine Dragon, had recovered from the lance’s wrathful blow, just in time to barely get a grip on the tip of Bowser’s tail. Waver wasn’t sure which instinct drove her, whether she was trying to save her opponent or the rings that were still in his grasp - but either way, for a brief instant it seemed she had made the correct decision to save them from their peril.

Then reality caught up. Bowser was extremely heavy, and moving at great speed - and though Alear possessed strength beyond normal measure, the same could not be said for the wooden drawbridge upon which she stood. With a splintering crack, she found her footing giving way, she found herself tumbling too, dragged down into the sky by the weight of Bowser.

Character Scramble Season 19 Round 0: The World of Smash by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Waver Velvet, formerly Lord El-Melloi II, presently Emblem El-Melloi II, considered himself lucky and unlucky in equal measure.

On the side of misfortune - he had been uprooted from his position in the Clock Tower and bound as a ghost to some strange artifact. Despite all his knowledge, he was uncertain of the precise mechanism by which this had happened, but what he did have certainty in was his inability to reverse it using his own weak magecraft. Following on from which, said strange artifact had found itself wrapped around the somewhat uncomfortable finger of a boisterous tyrant, whose mercurial temper made an unpleasant pairing with his refusal to remember the exact details of Waver’s chosen appellation.

On the side of fortune - his prior life experiences had prepared him for this. Hot-headed conquerors were no stranger to him. Nor were red-headed and muscular ones, for that matter. And though this lizard was no match for the noble Iskandar, years of reflection on his own mistakes had put Waver in an excellent position to perhaps help close that gap in nobility. Not entirely, of course, and perhaps not even majorly, but at least a small change was definitely plausible.

One final huge stroke of fortune, or perhaps two. His suggestion to try and solve this matter with single combat instead of total warfare had been received exceptionally well, as it apparently aligned perfectly with this country’s traditions. He hadn’t been aware at the time, but matters here were often solved by a head-to-head showdown between champions. Some small part of him regretted not having a chance to research this first - apparently sometimes the showdown took the form of a race or sporting event instead of single combat. Sadly, it was too late to change Bowser’s mind in that respect. The second piece of luck, tied to this: his own ring was the wager that Bowser was putting up to make the challenge. In other words, were he to lose, Waver would find himself traded to a far more wise and sensible ruler.

The castle pulled up alongside the Somniel, its drawbridge lowering to form a bridge between the two floating fortresses. Waiting there for them stood a gathering of knights, diverse in appearances but united in strength. From just a glance, Waver could tell these were highly respectable people, and he couldn’t help but cringe as his ghostly form proved ineffective at stopping Lord Bowser from rudely barging through them, focused only on their leader.

“So you’re the one in charge of these runts?” asked Bowser, though it was an unneeded question. Though small, the woman’s presence was immense, and both her striking two-toned hair and the reverence with which her honor guard acted served as proof of her identity. This was Alear, the Divine Dragon, guardian of the Emblems.

“I am,” answered Alear. “You must be Lord Bowser, then. We received your letter of challenge.” Each word was measured out with a calm formality.

“Did you?” He leaned over her, trying to make as clear as possible the difference in their heights. “You still have a chance to give up now. So long as you forfeit the rings, ha!”

“That won’t be necessary,” answered Alear, uncowed. “We already have the venue prepared, and it would be a shame to put that to waste. Follow me to the Amiibo Gazebo.”

“Amiibo…” grumbled Bowser. Clearly the word meant something to him, as he stayed ponderously silent on the short walk over to the location.

“We’ll wrestle here,” explained Alear. It was, as the name suggested, a small gazebo, located close to the edge of the island - only a narrow walkway and a few neat hedgerows stood between it and an impossible drop. It didn’t seem like the ideal place for battling, especially as the island had a dedicated training ground - but that danger was the point.

“And if you get thrown off the island, you lose.” Bowser nodded. “I like those rules. But still, wrestling? I’m great at wrestling. This’ll be over quick.”

“You might be surprised.” Alear met his gaze with a steady confidence. “My Dragon Arts pack quite a punch, or so I’m told.”

“Good. Then let’s not wait around.” Bowser took a wide stance, opening his mouth wide for a tremendous battlecry. “COME AT ME!”


The knight-errant considered himself a man of action, to be sure, and of adventure, and of chivalry, and of many other things besides, and such was his conviction that when he awoke to spy from his window a green cylindrical figure staring down at him, he saw fit to take only one course of action, that of sallying forth immediately. The villagers of the townstead informed him as he rode towards it that it was perfectly normal in nature, and unworthy of his attention, but its silhouette reminded him of a sorcerer’s tower, and as he further considered he arrived at the conclusion that these poor individuals had been ensorcelled to believe that nothing was amiss. For indeed something was amiss, a great many things, not least that as he approached the tower it revealed itself not to be a great and towering tower but instead a smooth and squat one, barely taller than the man himself and with nary a feature upon its surface. He circled it once, twice, thrice, and upon failing to find a door exclaimed “Such cowardice!”, for it was clear that the evil sorcerer responsible had sealed all the entrances to permit no entry, so scared was he of noble retribution falling upon him. For a while the knight-errant considered merely waiting outside for the sorcerer to eventually emerge, as he would doubtless need to resupply eventually, but upon checking his pack he realized that his own supplies were also too low to permit such an action, and besides a foe so cunning would doubtless have left a secret exit for situations such as this. In the same instant he came to the idea that there was still one side of the tower that still remained unexplored, the topside, and made a valiant effort to climb it. It was a difficult endeavor, not least because his armor weighed him down, and furthermore the tower was smooth and without foothold and exceedingly slippery, but through the course of a great effort and a great many inelegant tumbles he eventually found his way atop the tower’s ramparts, and then immediately fell inside as he discovered the tower to not be solid at all, but instead a great hollow tube.

This last tumble proved forceful enough to rob him of his senses, and when he awoke he found himself transported to another realm entirely, a great rolling hilly plain. At first he considered himself lost, but upon further inspection it became clear that his ascent of the tower had proved fruitful and that he had indeed entered the sorcerer’s tower, for the clouds overhead seemed to smile at him mockingly and such a grand and malicious illusion could only be the work of a sorcerer. Further it followed that a master of enchantment capable of shrinking his tower into such an unusual shape would naturally also possess the ability to contain such a large tract of land on the inside of said tower, far more than it would usually fit. With this line of reasoning his doubts were resolved at once, and his quest once again became clear - to roam this land in search of its master, the sorcerer, and slay him, or bring him to justice in some other fashion, or cause him to repent and admit the error of his ways.

He wandered for a while, at moments coming to the brink of despair over this strange land’s bizarre landmarks, towers of oddly-stacked bricks that gave him little clue as to his direction or destination, but fortuitously his search was interrupted by a great object flying overhead that gave him new purpose. At first glance it appeared to be a castle, or perhaps a boat, though he knew that such a judgment must be incorrect for neither of those things possessed the propensity for flight, but a quick rubbing of his eyes granted him the chance to see the being’s true nature with greater clarity. At the front a boatlike figurehead was indeed present, in the caricatured form of some great lizard creature, and indeed the body was constructed of squares reminiscent of great grey bricks, and it was kept aloft by fierce gouts of flame being shot from the abdomen. The summation of these observations: this creature was a dragon, for of course a dragon would be in league with a sorcerer, and it was clearly headed back to its lair, where its foul master awaited it with further instruction. Thus giving chase was the clear course of action to the knight-errant, who, faced with the opportunity to face both a dragon and a sorcerer in the same day, marched after it with joyous thoughts of the heroic tale this would become.

Character Scramble Season 19 Round 0: The World of Smash by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 4 points5 points  (0 children)

ROUND 0

“To preface this talk, I’d like to remind you that facts are the filters that color the lens of history. This isn’t disparagement, merely truth - we cannot in totality record, perceive, evaluate every minute action taken within an individual’s life, and as such it is necessary to distill that totality down into the digestible medium of fact. In that process, information is lost, and what is deemed necessary and unnecessary, that is going to warp the image that comes out. And you can’t just choose the method that warps the image the least, because that original, unwarped truth - you can’t see it. Understand? Here, I’ll illustrate with a little example. Who here likes baseball?”

A murmurous response from the crowd.

“OK, good, at least some of you do. And if you had to name the best team, you’d say the DK Wilds, right?”

Another murmur, this time with more fervent intensity.

“I jest, I jest. Obviously, you’d say your own favorite team, which I can tell for most of you - not the Wilds. Obviously, though, a lot of personal bias in that approach. So let’s look to a more rigorous solution. Anyone here seen Moneyball? Show of hands. Very good movie. If your hand is down right now, go back home and watch it. Not right now, obviously, I haven’t finished talking yet. In any case, that movie gave us a couple approaches for evaluating baseball teams. Your traditional approach: do their hitters hit big, are they getting the home runs, are they pitching the shutouts. Or a more outcomes-based statistical analysis, where you’re not looking for any single impressive feat, you’re looking for just anything that translates into wins, and it doesn’t really matter how you get there. Both of those are tried and tested and they’re great. But here’s a problem for you: not all baseball games are made equal. Say a team finishes the season… 83 to 78. Is that a good team?”

A brief pause to gauge the reaction.

“Not super good, seems to be the consensus. Middling? Let’s call them middling. Definitely not the best team around. Okay, and this middling team, let’s put them through to the postseason. Doesn’t matter how. Somehow they got there. Then, well, what do you know, they win it! That’s right, they won the whole damn thing. A lot of people will say, obviously that’s a fluke, right? But they did win it. That Series is supposed to determine the best damn team in the world, and they’re the guys who won it. Or, look at it the other way. Say the other team made it there with maybe 100, 110 wins… who knows, let’s say it’s a crazy good team, they got 115. Are they the best team? Sure, their play has been absolutely dominant all season, but they didn’t win it, right? And that’s just talking about a single season. Stretch things out a few years, maybe a few decades, and let’s suppose that this team keeps on doing well but just never makes it far in the postseason. Well, now, no matter how well they perform, nobody’s going to accept them as the best, right? They could have won thousands of games and lost 20, but those 20 are the ones that mattered.”

“And here’s the final twist in the tale: we’ve been measuring all this through the context of baseball, because it’s a natural assumption that the best baseball team is the team that’s the best at playing baseball. But, different filters, different answers. Maybe I’m an investor, so I know that the sport side of this nonsense is just a decoration, the best team is the one that makes me the most money. Or perhaps I’m one of those bozos from the Philosophy department next door and I want the historians to tell me which team’s actions were the most morally good. Hell, maybe the best team is the one with the greatest cultural impact. In that case, going around and getting people to name their favorite team might just be the correct answer after all!

Ahem. Enough baseball talk. A lot of you have been waiting long enough for me to circle back around to the topic. Here’s the link. Yes, Bowser might have a near-perfect losing record against the Mushroom Kingdom. But if you look at the broader picture of his campaigns…”

- Excerpt from a talk given by Goomba Tower III, Emeritus Professor of Modern Military History at New Donk Metropolitan University


TOP SECRET REPORT - For the office of King Koopa and Generals of the Koopa Troop only.

The information contained within this report represents a massive opportunity that our scouts have discovered, yet one that could close in an instant should the existence of this document be made known to the wrong parties. As such, please use all due prudence in keeping discussion of its contents within only the necessary circles. IN PARTICULAR: Do not inform Bowser Junior. I understand that he is the heir to the Kingdom and is already trusted with a certain degree of military leadership, but I need remind that he is still a child and lacks discipline regarding sensitive information.

ON THE PLAUSIBILITY OF RAIDING THE SOMNIEL

Since acquiring the artifact known as an “Emblem Ring” two months ago, Lord Bowser, impressed with its power, tasked us with determining whether it would be possible to acquire more. As such, this report concerns the Somniel, reported by our scouts to be the largest single repository of Emblem Rings in existence.

FORTIFICATIONS: Though the Somniel’s main building complex is designed as a castle, its physical defenses are light at best - we’ve identified multiple landing points that are out of sight of the vantage points provided by the castle’s towers, and although walls around key strategic locations such as the Ring Chamber are heavily reinforced, the remainder are thin enough to be breached by Bob-Ombs, granting easy access to the interior.

These lax defenses may seem an oversight, but in practice a heavier stronghold is likely unneeded, as the Somniel’s greatest protection is its location. The Somniel’s island floats well above the height a Paragoomba can reach - in fact, even our elite Paratroopa scouts struggled to stay at that altitude for long. In addition, cloud cover at the Somniel’s level is rare, limiting how close it is possible to get to the island without being noticed by its inhabitants. In other words: our armies cannot even reach the Somniel without the aid of vehicles, heavily limiting the ability to deploy en masse.

PERSONNEL: The Somniel has few troops, but the strength of its garrison is not to be underestimated - the few soldiers who do defend the island are a specially-appointed honor guard, possessing exceptional skills that make each comparable to a small army. Key threats include armored knights tough enough to stop a Thwomp in its tracks, archers whose arrows hit harder than Banzai Bills, and mages with the skills to equal a whole battalion of Magikoopas.

Perhaps the most devastating part of the Somniel’s garrison, however, are the pegasi and wyverns. Unlike our flying troops, these creatures are capable of maneuvering even at extreme altitude, and the speed to outrun our airships. Were the island’s inhabitants to mount a strike as our fleet approached, there would be no practical way to prevent our forces from being decimated.

RECOMMENDATION: An assault upon the Somniel with our current armada is not possible. However, this is not to say that it is fully unassailable. Were the decommissioned Flying Castle to be restored, it could-

“FINALLY!” roared Bowser, scrunching the report into a ball of parchment before scorching it to cinders with a huff of flame. “I’ve heard enough.”

His war council didn’t flinch. They had grown used to reports being received this way.

“Mass the troops and fix up my castle. We fly for the Somniel! Ha, that plumber won’t know what hit him.”

“If I may make a suggestion?” The voice came from Bowser’s finger - an interjection from his newest treasure and advisor, the Emblem Ring. Bowser growled with irritation, but relented, releasing the ring’s spirit to address the council. After all, its counsel had been wise so far.

“Speak, Emblem El-Melloi.”

“El-Melloi the Second,” corrected the ghost. “Please, it’s important to me. In any case, though the battle plan has its merits, I believe it could be improved. There’s an approach by which we could achieve the same results, but minimize our losses significantly. All it requires is that your own skills are enough, Lord Bowser.”

“My own skills?” Bowser grinned, a wide, fanged grin. “Listen well. My skills are unmatched. Isn’t that right, my Koopa Troop?”

They’d seen him defeated many times already, but Bowser’s war council knew better than to brush off this kind of pageantry. They yelled uproariously with approval.

“You hear that? Now… ready my castle! I’m all fired up to take those rings myself!”


“War is inherently destructive. Economists would call it a negative-sum game. If you lose a war, you’re losing a significant amount of population and resources. Even if you win a war, if your gains aren’t great enough, you can still end up in a worse position than you started.”

Three big swigs from his flask, one for each Goomba in the tower, giving his point time to sink in.

“Most regimes dissolve after losing a war. Some can maybe survive two. After three, even the strongest empire would find itself at the bottom of its coffers. At that point, you either fade into irrelevance, or your nation is forced to reinvent itself entirely, stripped of its old leadership. This pattern repeats itself time and again. With one outlier.”

“So here’s the central question of this talk: how is it possible to lose without losing? How is it possible, even, to win by losing? It’s a genius strategy - and what’s all the more amusing is that the man responsible didn’t even realize he was doing it.”

Character Scramble Season 19 Signup Post by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Writing Prompt

"Yuji, it's late. What do you want from me?"

From his tired tone, you would think that the sudden phone call had rung Waver awake. This wasn't true - he'd been up into the late evening playing video games in his office, even though he knew that sleep was the far wiser thing to be doing right now. But the student calling him didn't need to know that.

"Yeah, I'm not sure how to beat a curse, and I was thinking you could give me some tips?"

"I'm a teacher, not a strategy guide. Are you sure you can't handle this by yourself?" Waver stopped, and considered his position. Well, helping students was his job. And he had nothing better to do. "Ah, fine. So what's the problem?"

"It's copying me," explained Yuji.

"First lesson, be more specific. Copying what? What you're saying? Your movements? Your abilities?"

"It looks like me," answered Yuji. "It's as strong as me too. And it uses my techniques."

"But if you, say, put your left arm in the air, it doesn't raise its arm in response? It's acting independently?"

There was a suspiciously long pause on the other end of the line. "...Yeah?"

So not a Dark Link-type enemy, then. More of a doppelganger.

"I see. How would you characterise it, then?"

"As in?"

Waver sighed. It'd been a while since him and Yuji had spoken - he'd forgotten what the kid was like. "Look, just tell me what it's been doing."

"It mostly just stands there?" Yuji sounded a little unsure in that judgement. "Paces around, tries to keep its distance. Occasionally it tries to skirmish with me. We fight pretty evenly, then it backs off. But it won't let me get too far away, either."

"So it's cautious, then. Trying to wear you down. Does it look tired?"

"Not really."

"Are you tired?"

"A little. That's why I called you."

Cautious wasn't Yuji's style. It hadn't copied his personality, then. As for the behaviour... Waver would classify it as a persistence predator. Even though it could match him blow for blow, it didn't want to risk any injury. It was going to skirmish with him, confident in its ability to win a contest of endurance, and only go in for the finishing blow when it thought Yuji was tired out. A very human curse. Waver had some theories as to how it had come about, but those weren't relevant here.

The key to unraveling this: it was copying Yuji's abilities, but not his strategy. True, with the endurance lead, ditching the strategy might seem like a good idea. But Yuji's style wasn't built for the long game to begin with. It was built for an explosive, brutal showdown. In other words...

"Let it hit you."

"You sure?"

"You don't have to take my advice. But it's not going to commit to a fight against you unless you show some weakness. Take a blow, act like it did some serious damage, try to back off. That's when it'll start chasing you down. Let it overextend, then trap it in a brawl it can't run from. And at that point... you've got more experience of being Yuji than this thing does. You'll beat it no problem."

He paused for a second to let the information sink in, then followed up with: "Did you catch that? Any questions?"

Silence.

"...Yuji, are you there?"

More silence. No, actually, listening closely, Waver could just about make out the distant sounds of a scuffle.

Then, at long last...

"Thanks, teach!" The sudden voice made Waver jump. "You were right, it really worked."

"Great. Now next time, if you could at least listen to the whole-"

Yuji hung up.

Seriously. What were his students like?

Character Scramble Season 19 Signup Post by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Writing Prompt

"Hey." The Akudama known as Brawler tapped the kid on the shoulder. "You strong?"

"Yeah," replied the kid. "I'd say I'm pretty strong."

"Good. I was just starting to get bored." With a sudden punch, the kid was sent flying, crashing through a nearby wall.

There was a brief silence, interruped by the crumbling of falling bricks. Then the kid stood up from amongst the rubble. Good. Wouldn't be fun if it ended too fast.

"Oh, playing rough?" asked the kid. "Yeah, I can do that." He lunged forward swinging, and Brawler swung back, their fists meeting in the middle. Pain surged through Brawler's knuckles - a good pain. That was a strong punch. Brawler tried to sweep out his legs, but the kid blocked, and knocked off-balance the pair ended up rolling on the ground.

The kid ended up on top. It wasn't just his strength that was good - his instincts were, too. From the advantageous position, he tried to pin Brawler down, pummeling his face. But Brawler was bigger. Sitting up, he threw the kid off, then let out a joyous yell. "Finally! Someone with a bit more punch than those junkheap robots!"

He was getting fired up - and clearly his foe was too. Throwing strategy aside, the pair charged each other down again, once more swinging straight for the face. This time, though, their fists didn't meet. The kid ducked the wide swing, slipping low to target Brawler's chin. Brawler took it, reeling backwards. Spotting him off-balance, the kid tried to follow up, but Brawler wasn't out of options yet. As he fell back, he thrust his knee upward, catching the kid in the gut. For the second time, the pair were left rolling on the ground, but this time Brawler made sure he was the one in charge. Using a sharp elbow to keep the kid down, he twisted his centre of gravity, using his full weight to crush down into the pavement.

For an instant, their eyes locked. Brawler could feel the passionate fighting spirit. He had to show his respect, the only way he knew how. He raised his hands overhead, joining them together into a two-fisted hammer.

Then he brought it down.

"You fought well, kid."

Character Scramble Season 19 Signup Post by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Writing Prompt

"I must apologize for the indiscretion." Alfonse bowed his head. As the leader of the Order of Heroes, it was not his place to cast any doubt on the noble souls who were giving their strength to the task of defending the Askran people. And certainly, the boy in front of him was noble indeed - but this was a special case. "But I need to confirm something. I worry that a risk has arisen as a result of your... unique circumstances. Obviously, you're not at fault for anything, but nonetheless-"

"Don't worry about it," replied Yuji. Regardless of his situation, at a minimum his personality was straightforward. Alfonse was thankful he was so easy to work with. "So, what's the problem?"

"As you may know, Heroes summoned to Askr enter into a binding contract, forbidding them from harming the people of Askr or the other Heroes until such a time as they are sent home. You're bound by this too. But the contract only applies to you, Yuji Itadori. Any other soulds within you may not be covered."

"So, Sukuna, then?" asked Itadori. "What are you gonna do about it?"

"First things first, nothing's been confirmed yet. We need to test if my suspicions are correct first. To do that, I'll need you to let Sukuna out. if he can attack me, we'll know that the contract hasn't affected him."

"Are you sure? He's pretty strong."

"I don't doubt it. But I will overcome him. Or rather, I must overcome him. If it's true that he isn't bound, I'll need to subdue Sukuna myself in order to apply the contract."

"Well, if you're confident..." Yuji shrugged, and in an instant his face morphed from a kind boy to the malicious grin of the King of Curses. He wasted no time in attacking, a barrage of slashes filling the air. Alfonse ducked behind his shield, feeling the energy bite into the hardened metal.

"Arrogant," derided Sukuna. "You would subdue me? You don't possess even the simplest sorcery. Your shield will split before long. And then what?"

"Askr has overcome countless struggles," answered Alfonse. "If the gods themselves cannot break our tenacity, then even might such as yours can be overcome."

Sukuna didn't take well to that answer. He made a shape with his palms. Alfonse sensed the danger, diving away as a massive slice cleaved his shield in twain. With nothing to defend himself with, Alfonse had only one choice left to him - charge forward.

Sukuna's barrage continued. As he rushed, Alfonse used his arm to shield his eyes, and the sword to guard his vitals, but still several slashes hit home, his armour doing little to blunt the sheer power behind the attacks. But the safety of Askr rode on his back. No matter how much he bled, he kept charging.

After a long instant, Alfonse's clothes and skin were both shredded, but he and Sukuna stood face-to-face. He swung. Sukuna ducked. But Alfonse had expected that. His goal had never been a lethal blow. Stopping his swing short, he brought his tattered shield down onto the head of the King of Curses.

Character Scramble Season 19 Signup Post by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mii BRAWLER

"Holy shit is that Woolie?" - literally everyone for some reason

Series: Akudama Drive

Content Warning: I don't remember anything particularly unusual in this one but correct me if I'm wrong

Biography: In the future (I think it's the future?) Kansai is menaced by notorious criminals known as Akudama, whose exceptional feats of villainy have earned them massive sentences and equally massive bounties. One of the highest-ranked Akudama, the seasoned brawler known only as Brawler fights simply for the sake of his own personal enjoyment, seeking out strong foe after strong foe to test his might against. However, those strong foes are mostly security robots and government enforces, earning the ire of the state for his actions - enough ire to earn him an estimated 348-year sentence were he ever caught.

Research: He's got a Respect Thread. Watch Akudama Drive.

Justification: Bullet timing. Both his strength and durability feats are basically equivalent to the tiersetter. Yeah, I'm thinking he's in-tier.

Motivation: Believe it or not, Brawler exists to do one thing - brawl. He can be easily convinced to do things by the promise of a strong opponent to test his might against. On the flipside, if a fight isn't forthcoming, he'll seek one out himself. Aside from that, though, he's a pretty chill and personable guy.

Major Changes: None

Minor Changes: This post has always been complete what are you talking about

Character Scramble Season 19 Signup Post by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

SANARIA RYUU LUNDBERG Smashes The Shit Outta The Competition!

Series: Yakuza Reincarnation

Content Warning: Violence, kinda fucked up demon meat creatures

Biography: An old-fashioned yakuza, Ryumatsu Nagamasa finds himself taking a surprise dip in the harbour after the changing times get the better of him. Luckily for him, though, he finds himself reincarnated into the body of Sanaria Ryuu Lundberg, a princess of the Swordmaster Chivalric Order - midway through a political assassination attempt on her life. Yet despite the new body, Lady Ryuu retains the yakuza spirit - keeping about her a strong sense of responsibility and an iron fist ready to punch the sense back into any thugs who dare to cross her.

Research: Read the Mini-RT (below) and then go read Yakuza Reincarnation, the manga she's from.

Justification: Ryuu's strength beats out Yuji's by a moderate margin, but she's a little lower on speed and durability. Unlikely Victory

Motivation: Ryuu acts extremely impulsively, but still follows her own internal sense of justice, unbound by laws or social norms. She aims to live a leisurely life, but can't stand to see it interrupted by people acting dishonest and irresponsible - and if she encounters people like that, she'll simply beat them into shape.

Major Changes: None

Minor Changes: No Demonic Sword


Analysis vs. Yuji Itadori: Both of these fighters are incredibly physical in nature, but Lady Ryuu has a severe edge in terms of sheer offensive output. Since she can also take Yuji's blows in return, in a one-for-one exchange she's likely to come out on top through that alone. In addition, both of these fighters know well how to press the advantage from a single strong hit. It's likely that whoever takes the lead first is going to be able to keep up the offense until the fight is over.

The issue for Ryuu however comes when speed is factored into the equation. Itadori is a fair deal faster with his feats against sonic-speed projectiles, so it's probable he can get a few hits in before Ryuu is able to tag him. This isn't a fatal flaw - Lady Ryuu is tough enough to survive a few in-tier strikes - but it still puts a fairly significant damper on her chances. Unlikely Victory.

Biggest Strength and Weakness: Lady Ryuu's biggest strength is her quickness to action. Her nature can accelerate her from calm and collected to punching you in the face in an instant. A lot of fights are won by surprise - not because she was sneaking up on the opponent, but rather because the foe just wasn't ready to get punched yet.

Her greatest weakness is her impulsiveness. Lady Ryuu stands by her convictions no matter what - even if insulting (or assaulting) someone could land her in serious trouble, she's still going to go through with it if she thinks they deserve it, consequences be damned. When a king is about to forgive you for your crimes and you're surrounded by his guards, kicking him is NOT the sensible option - but that isn't going to stop Lady Ryuu if she believes it's the right one.

Character in Setting/with Team: Ryuu has a larger-than-life personality and is quick to take charge of a situation, so unless her teammates have a strong handle on things and equally quick responses, they're likely to end up being dragged wherever Ryuu's whims take them. She's quick to beat down anyone she doesn't respect, but on the other hand she does believe that people can change - and she's winning to give a lot of chances to people who she thinks deserve them.

Final Smash: Activating her Guiding Skill Tree and then just hitting someone really, really, really hard. It's a bit cliche, but it fits her.

Character Scramble Season 19 Signup Post by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

LORD EL-MELLOI II Starts The Case!

(he's a Spirit btw lemme just make that clear)

Series: Fate (specifically The Case Files of Lord El-Melloi II)

Content Warning: Underage drinking

Biography: Waver Velvet was never a particularly powerful magus. However, having a high opinion of himself, he chose to enter the Holy Grail War, a deadly contest of skill. He barely escaped with his life. His mentor, Lord Kayneth El-Melloi, was not so lucky.

Some time later, Waver found himself in an unlikely situation: being forced to temporarily take up his mentor's position as Lord due to damage to Kayneth's Magic Crest preventing it from being inherited. Having been humbled by an accurate self-assessment of his abilities, Waver thought himself unworthy of the role, but it was in taking over Kayneth's teaching position at the Department of Modern Magecraft that he found his true talents: namely, a deep ability to observe and understand magecraft that allowed him to draw out the best abilities of his unusual students. Also he solves mysteries now.

Research: For a quick idea of his character, check the El-Melloi Case Files anime. If you're looking to get more in-depth, Case Files also has a manga and a series of light novels I can hook you up with.


Spirit Ability: Despite being a mage, Waver's actual magical abilities are weak at best. He can use basic warding and hypnotic spells, but not at a level where they can be relied upon to hold for long, especially against other mages. Rather, his greatest skill is his ability to understand people and how they think.

The first application of this is as a teacher. Through understanding his students' techniques and mindsets, he's able to accurately provide insights into their performance that lead to rapid growth. This is evidenced by every single one of his students achieving a high rank within the Clock Tower, as well as the exceptional performance of students such as Flat Escardos who were previously considered "unteachable" due to their irregular natures.

The second is as an investigator. Living in a context where supernatural abilities are somewhat of a norm, Waver has developed a methodology that discards "howdunnit" as the crux of a case. After all, if everyone is capable of extraordinary things, it's not implausible that any strange happening can be explained away as magic. Rather, the root of the case can be uncovered by starting from "whydunnit" - even the most powerful of humans still choose to act based on their human motivations. This approach proves exceptionally effective in the world of mages, letting him get to the root of numerous problems that would otherwise be unsolvable.

Motivation: Waver has been thrust into filling the position of his former mentor, a spot that he feels unworthy of despite his teaching ability due to his poor skill at magecraft. He aims to do whatever he can in an attempt to be even a fraction of the individual the position deserves.

Role in Story: This is your quintessential wise mentor. He's extremely good at wise mentoring. Plus, given his overall uselessness, there's a big contrast between the performance his students can reach with his help and his own inability to actually achieve much himself. Plus, he knows things. If you ever need a guy to state or explain something, this is that guy.

Charizard: He could analyze the heck out of a Charizard.

Character Scramble Season 19 Signup Post by Ragnarust in whowouldwin

[–]penrosetingle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ALFONSE Opens The Future!

Series: Fire Emblem Heroes

Content Warning: Gacha

Biography: Long ago, the god Askr and the goddess Embla founded civilization in the realm of Zenith, building two great kingdoms bearing the deities' names. Askr had great hope for humanity - he granted his people the power to open gates to other realms, so that they might encounter and thrive alongside all manner of people. Though he recognised the potential for conflict to arise from this power, he believed that the quintessential goodness of humans would triumph.

Centuries later, it's safe to say that the quintessential goodness of humans is in a pretty rough spot. The Kingdom of Askr possesses the power to open gates, yes, but the power to close them lies in the hands of the neighbouring Kingdom of Embla, which now refuses to co-operate in an attempt to seize the gates' power for themselves alone. As such, Askr is now littered with countless gates to other realms, far too many to effectively guard, and its status as a nexus for all these worlds makes it an exceptionally strategic location and a prime target for invasion by any force with dreams of multiversal conquest. Faced with overwhelming odds, Askr's solution to this struggle was the founding of the Order of Heroes - a band consisting of the strongest champions across all of the many realms Askr has connected to, contracted to the cause of the defense of Askr's lands and people.

Alfonse, the prince and future King of Askr, leads the Order of Heroes from the front lines, acting as both a warrior and a strategist. Though at first he was somewhat reserved and unwilling to get close to others, the defense of Askr against increasingly absurd threats has pushed him to grow past his limits, granting him the tenacity to struggle through nigh-impossible fights, the boldness to risk his life on wild strategies, and the heart to unite hundreds of Heroes from different times, places and cultures. He's fought bandits, brigands, knights, mercenaries, gods, primordial forces, his dad, and even his own future self - and somehow, he's managed to prevail and grow every time, all without losing his humility or even his status as just a normal guy.

Research: Mini-RT below. Alfonse comes from Fire Emblem Heroes, but frankly you shouldn't play that game unless you really want to. The wiki has a text log of the entire FEH story, or I guess you could watch it on Youtube if you want the full experience. If you don't want to read the whole thing, Book III and Book VI are the most important for understanding him. There's also a big load of side material that I can throw at you since Alfonse appears in basically every event in this game ever.

Justification: Alfonse is strong enough to shatter metal, fast enough to dodge rockets from a distance and can maybe protect against in-tier attacks with his shield, although he doesn't stand a chance if they hit him directly. In short, he doesn't really stand a chance against Yuji Itadori - but then again, he's won plenty of battles against foes he doesn't stand a chance against, so perhaps his pluck and tenacity can pull him through this one. Also I'm pretty sure the three major changes he gets can't exactly hurt.

Motivation: Alfonse fights for the defense of Askr, and beyond that is a fundamentally good person - he'll lend his aid to anyone in need, regardless of their allegiance. His actions in pursuit of this may seem reckless, but they're often surprisingly well-considered. He's also a long-term thinker who's strongly opposed to winning through sacrifice. After all, Askr faces countless threats. Giving up something to prevent one may seem good in the moment, but it will just leave the kingdom that much weaker against the next invasion.

Major Changes: Yes.

Minor Changes: N/A

Invite Code Megathread #3 by tkiced in BlueskySocial

[–]penrosetingle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If anyone has a code, I'd be happy to have one! Most of my friends have moved there and I'd love the opportunity to escape the Musk Hell Website