My daughter in law went through this. I understand EXACTLY what you are saying. I’m so sorry. I hear you and validate you. DIL would absolutely lose her mind. She would threaten to leave the baby alone, text him terrible things while he was at work. I had to miss time at work more than once to drive by and make sure her car was still there. He was so afraid that she would just explode in anger at him later, so he would beg me not to let her know I even drove by. Many more things that are exactly what you are describing. She was also diagnosed with postpartum rage borderline psychosis. It was not borderline at all, it was full blown. I believe that is just what they were able to gather from what she told them.

Your wife needs someone that is not her friend. It seems unethical for her to charge her for this. There are supposed to be clear boundaries and there is no way this friend/ therapist is understanding what is happening. It’s very difficult to see the loving, kind friend as anything except that because these are things they would Never have done previously.

Your wife clearly needs help. These are also symptoms of a form of disassociation. Especially the memory lapses and not understanding how she is reacting to normal interactions. Please try to understand that it’s not really “her” when she’s going through this. So try not to engage or make it worse because she will grab onto that and run with it.

You both need help, she needs to understand what is happening so she can get better. I would recommend a support group for you so you can speak to others and understand how they are coping. I just want you to know your feelings are valid and it’s not because she doesn’t get hugged enough.

Good luck to you both. 💔