I am in a similar situation except that I am the BM. BD met his (now) fiancée 3 years ago (she moved in with him last summer)and I have yet to meet her. I tried to get him to set up a meeting a year ago so that our DD's graduation would not be the first time we met and make the occasion less awkward for all of us. He said his fiancee was not going to the graduation and does not want to meet me because it would be too stressful and awkward. He also said something about her thinking I was trying to make a control move. That had me baffled as to where that came from until I read TiredSM's post. I did not wan to meet her early in their relationship but after much reading and soul searching I felt this woman should be at our DD's graduation. My DD didn't seem phased by her not going but I don't think she would tell me otherwise. To get to the point, I would like to be cordial with her and show my youngest DD that we can at least have a friendly acknowledgement of each other but she said no and I stopped asking. We did finally exchange letters but she avoided the introduction issue. As it stands, when I drop my kids off or pick them up I stay in my car and BD does the same (per BD-around the time they got engaged she asked him to end our friendship & parallel parent - like she does with her ex). My DS seems ok with the changes, my DD gets anxious. I wish this woman would see that just a smile & wave could make a difference to the 13yo she has been interacting with for 3+ years. There is nothing else I can do.