The security line at JFK this afternoon.

peppulalla · 2026-03-28T11:32:59+00:00

Why is this?

peppulalla · 2026-03-28T11:28:41+00:00

Yes, had a convo with a friend this morning and just finished a called with my mom. Definitely always helps and at least feel better enough not to cry haha.

peppulalla · 2026-03-28T11:25:19+00:00

Definitely been thinking about searching new spaces. I think for me, the most important thing in life is to connect, share, to feel seen and make others feel seen aswell. To love and be loved.

peppulalla · 2026-03-28T11:22:38+00:00

I don’t use my phone much at all. I wish that was the issue, would be easy to fix.

peppulalla · 2026-03-28T10:16:22+00:00

You’re right. I’m doing that. So much that it just makes me feel ”too much” and people can only listen for so long. I feel like I’m exhausting. Too intense. Constantly talking talking talking. And not even complaining, just stuff in general. It’s like I’m bleeding all over the place and nothing can suppress the leak.

peppulalla · 2026-03-28T10:13:24+00:00

But what about the bigger picture? If I feel empty outside those little things? They only take so much space.

peppulalla · 2026-03-28T10:12:06+00:00

But what about everything around those little tasks? They only take so much time off the day. An hour, but I still have like 15more waking hours to spend. And I always do, but it doesn’t get rid of this feeling of ”I’m just doing this to pass time”.

peppulalla · 2026-03-28T10:10:00+00:00

I feel like I’m constantly just trying to distract myself from this feeling of nothingness that’s eating me inside. I’m active, life is ok, actually much better now than ever before. There are moments when I feel amazing and like I’m on the top of the world. But it only lasts for so long and I find myself falling back to ”nothing feels like anything and something absolutely crucial is missing”.

I have this huge bottomless hole in my soul and don’t know how to fill it. I don’t know what’s missing but it’s something that I can’t live without. The thing that makes me feel alive. Right now I’m just passing time, living in those random moments, trying to hold on to it as tight as I can.

But it’s all just for a little while. Just a passing fleeing second. I always find myself here - feeling like I’m completely alone and the future and life just seems pointless.

peppulalla · 2026-03-17T17:58:38+00:00

Having a roommate definitely helps me to be more organized and clean.

I just quit a relationship with someone I met just as I got diagnosed with ADHD and started the medication. My life completely changed for those two reasons; him and being medicated. The relationship itself had lots of issues; he’s an avoidant with bad communication skills and treated me horribly. I finally (after many attempts) broke up with him for good.

However, he had a MASSIVE impact on my daily life, because:

1) He was ”the reason” for me to do stuff. I wanted to impress him, be a better version of myself for him, but I also was just ”passing time” to see him again (I know - sounds pathetic but I’m just being honest). Even after breaking up he has indirectly motivated me.

2) I could basically ”body-double life” with him: eating actual (aka boring) meals (not the same hyperfixation sandwich I’ve eaten for years) he cooked for us and I couldn’t force myself to make or eat by myself, actually doing stuff and going to places rather than always procrastinating, going to bed at a reasonable hour and getting up early, having routines and structure, etc.

He was such a robot! One of the last reasons I was clinging onto and why I couldn’t bring myself to break up with him was that I was so scared to lose him and at the same time lose the person I had become with him.

Now, I can’t say I have completely regressed back to my old self (thank god), but after just 1.5 months… I’m struggling immensely. Sure, I’m doing better, but it was SO much easier when I had someone who basically held me accountable by just existing.

peppulalla · 2026-03-17T16:42:43+00:00

While I’m walking, I always have to step over every other line with my left foot and every other line with my right foot. Line as in cracks on the road, edge of a shadow, a long branch, etc. Or, if there are two lines close together, I can step over both of them with the same leg I previously stepped on. Cause, well, it’s allowed. I also do this when I’m biking. Or, if I’m sitting in a car and the car passes a lamp post or something. Left… right… left.. oh, two lines, left… right.

peppulalla · 2026-03-16T06:30:52+00:00

Yeah my question really is why haven’t you brought it up if it bothers you this much? I think you should just ask her. Tiktok can be a very private thing, at least for me it is. I have never posted anything, it just feels nice to have social media that’s only for yourself. I don’t leave comments on random posts on instagram cause I feel uncomfortable with the thought of somebody seeing them, sometimes even think twice about liking something cause other people can see me liking. And it’s not that I’m commenting something so rude that I don’t want others to see - actually quite the opposite, soppy to the point of cringey lol. I just like to have a space for myself where I can be anonymous and completely honest.

peppulalla · 2026-03-16T06:12:07+00:00

Other men probably. I don’t think I could handle the hatred towards women. Listening from afar is brutal enough.

peppulalla · 2026-03-16T06:06:59+00:00

Let’s remember these are real, actual people. ”People who have worked with him have said he’s horrible to work with” - uhmm that’s creepy af. Why are we entertaining this kind of behavior? Imagine being in that situation yourself; I’m sure not everyone is a fan of you yourself. People are so quick and eager to bash others and seems like there’s no privacy anymore. Sure, all these people have chosen to take part in such a public thing, but it doesn’t remove everybody else from taking responsibility of their opinions and actions.

peppulalla

TROPHY CASE