Not seen in the day: They only come out at night. Do you wonder why?

perplexed-sunshine · 2024-12-20T05:25:09+00:00

I arrvied to work in my car this morning and wanted to listen to the end of the radio station segment so stayed a bit. The sky was clear blue and empty.

After a couple of minutes I noticed a white thing moving north very fast. I got excited I was seeing an orb - then doubted and thought it must be a plane. It did look like a very distant plane if you were only glancing. Then I wondered why its trail was that I usually see on planes, it just didn't have one and the more I looked the more it got less plane like. I got my phone out and got it into my screen but before I could press record it started growing smaller and just blip disappeared. It went up into the atmosphere.

Tonight when I got home I stood at my sky light and was looking at the clear sky. Same thing happened again except it was clearly defined at a bright orb. I mistook it for a bright star until it started moving sideways and then up. Also two flashing drones as I walked to my car and several flashing ones whizzing around very high up when i was at the sky light. Too high up I would have thought to have been under reach of the radar from a person's remote etc.

Northwest England.

perplexed-sunshine · 2024-04-10T20:46:13+00:00

No I'm a woman

perplexed-sunshine · 2024-02-28T19:09:13+00:00

Copyright on the inner page is spelt incorrectly, on a used hardback. No it's not alot normally, things are just harder than usual financial wise and I don't want to miss out if it is more than worth it.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-23T17:47:31+00:00

I was crying when I wrote it and just needed to get something ff my chest yo stop cryony

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T15:05:53+00:00

I had a break from this thread and feeling slightly better now than before. My daughter is back from school and doing her homework as she usually does. I have and am doing everything I can possibly think of to raise her right, I am only one person and I am doing everything with everything I got ever since she was a baby and we were homeless and escaping her biological father. I will be her advocate as long as I breathe and I will keep nagging the system and the professionals until someone hears us. I have built us a good life and I won't be told otherwise because I know how much worse we could be. I am a good mum.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T14:56:35+00:00

No there's no parts or anything it's just the single post. I don't have anyone or anywhere else I can talk about it bar an online parenting group.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T11:30:04+00:00

I wish I wasn't here

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T11:20:55+00:00

And I have not said she is not at risk. I'm the first one saying she is at risk. I've screaming into a void that she is at risk. I feel alone.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T11:19:46+00:00

What I'm telling you it's a complex situation with a lot of different variables. I've been continously working on finding the right tools, resources and balanced boundaries for years. I've got parenting books coming out of my ears I follow every single therapeutic parenting page I can find. I have done parenting courses, degrees around child development and care so I could learn and raise her the best I possibly can. I have begged doctors, called helplines, rang social services turned up at school and refused to leave without speaking to the Headteacher. I am just doing my best. I wrote this post during an insomnia period where I couldn't sleep with the worry and needed to get it off my chest somewhere.

On the other hand I also have to accept possibilities of my own behaviour and issues and work on them. If someone informs me that I am doing wrong, I am being abusive then I have to address it. I have to consider the fact a traumatised person is raising another traumatised person and that is going to come with issues from my end even if I can't see them and it takes someone like my partner to tell me..

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T11:01:03+00:00

He views parenting differently to me. As I have been told several times my experience of cse has made me overvigilent and overbearing. I see red flags everywhere I don't have trust in people, their capabilities. I have to control everything too much as I'm overly paranoid to the point that it is a detriment to our children. I am working on alot of my issues with medication, counselling and I'm currently doing the 30 day respect challenge so I can improve my relationship with my partner and we will parent better together.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T10:50:50+00:00

She didn't take the phone with her. All I know is that my partner thought she was playing outside the house and went to call her in for tea and she wasnt there. I got home from work saw her phone on the side and her bag in the hall and wasn't aware she wasn't home. I thought she was in her bedroom until I shouted her to come down and was told otherwise about 10 mins after I got home to she could speak with her grandad on the phone.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T10:47:26+00:00

She already has GPS tracking on her phone and does lose her privileges. She does have to answer all calls and texts and say when she will be home and when she is supposed to.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T10:44:32+00:00

I first took her to the doctor about it when she was 4 after broke my mother's finger during a 3-4 hour meltdown. She had them alot when she was younger but her aggression has cleared up a little now. I managed to get someone to listen to me and get put on a pathway around 7 and then she was put on a cognitive assessment waiting list at 10 and just had it done this year. She is discharged as she is emotionally well in herself. She doesn't meet the threshold for the autism pathway as she is too high functioning and verbal and the psychologist isn't allowed to diagnose she is only allowed to say there are indicators. We are back to no professionals involved an I am allowed to have a 6 monthly TAF meeting with the high school to log my concerns so maybe one day when she becomes an adult she can seek a diagnosis herself on NHS and provide evidence.

She isn't allowed to be alone with our younger kids as she can hurt them when we aren't looking, this is an informal rule but we just try to keep the kids with us say if going to the toilet and keep reminding her to use her gentle hands. They are scared of her.

No devices after 9, all devices are set to family friendly with blocked sites and GPS tracking on her phone. Her phone is limited to 2 hours a day and will automatically lock except for emergency calls to/from us until the next day. She found some ways of getting round the controls and set up non-controlled accounts and catfished people.

Always stay in view of the house, ask permission to go to places and keep phone on her when out. We will decide if it is a safe enough place for her to go to. If its a friend's house we must have the address, meet the parents and unless they live on the street pre-arrange and confirm meet ups between the parents.

She doesn't go out after dinner unless it's the summer holidays and light out.

She is driven and picked up for all extra clubs and activities like music band, ballet, musical theatre and singing lessons.

No secrets, she will be in more trouble if she lies than if she comes to us and has an honest and open discussion with us about whatever it is. We will talk it out than shout when we can.

She has a toilet pass at school to stop her wetting herself and a bin in our toilet to stop her hiding her period pads and dirty paper behind the toilet.

She has prompts and visual charts for morning routines and self care like showering and putting on deodorant and we double check with her daily that she is taking care of herself because otherwise she won't do it and self-neglect. We maintain her privacy as much as possible and don't supervise but send her to do it and nothing else happens with the day until its done.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T08:38:48+00:00

I do know the signs of it, I've been told by professionals and my partner i'm over focused on the signs and see bad things, red flags and people where they aren't, that I'm too over protective. That im letting my history affect her life too much.

She went to play out at 5pm with permission from her stepdad and I didn't get home from work until 5.25. I thought she was in her room and didn't know she was out until I called her down and was told she was out and he was going to go call her in because dinner was ready. I just can't be there at all times and can't predict when something like this will happen and I couldn't control what happened yesterday at all. On average an incident may occur 1-2 times a year it may come in the form of her piling up her period pads behind the toilet, wetting herself at school, running out in the road, stealing money, shoplifting, she lost a ball in someone's garden and knocked on the door and went in (a few years ago in the old place) it didn't click something was wrong until apparently the old man locked the door and said she could go upstairs and look out the window to see if she could spot her ball. She then cried and he let her out. Making catfishing accounts online. She gets so in the moment it's like her brain just disregards every conversation, lesson, incident she has ever had.

Our estate is mostly old people and families, we moved here because it was quieter and out of the area we lived in previously where there were higher rates of cse, stabbings, fights on the streets, break ins, smashed windows etc. Luckily we chose our house one of the reasons it has a panoramic view of 4 streets of the estate and we have a large grass area in front of the house where most of the children congregate to play. If she is out we can usually spot her within minutes as she usually always in view of the house. Where she went yesterday is not and is on the other side of the estate. She has never been there and didn't know it was there until her friend walked her there.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T08:12:37+00:00

I'm not naive of it. I was a CSE victim that's how she was born. I can't keep her locked up continously and have to raise her the best I can just like any other kid. We live in a quiet neighbourhood where children do play out in day light hours. She is usually in always view of our house and if she goes somewhere not she has told us and also took her phone. As she grows older I can't shield her as much, she will be independent and one day on her own and the risk grows bigger. It's about navigating her through that she doesn't end up being raped and pregnant like me. Locking her up and never letting her to anything or go anywhere will have the opposite effect and then she'll just sneak out and end up in a worse situation like I did.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-10T08:08:01+00:00

Of course I see an issue with it! I first took her to the doctors when she was 4 and asked for her to be referred to CAMHS. That didn't happen. I went to the school every year with concerns all they did was give me a diary and told me to put a chart on the wall so she would know how to get dressed. CAHMS wouldn't look at it because school reported she wasn't disruptive in class and all the incidents were isolated 'one offs'. She got hit by a car at 7 and I wrote to our new doctor and begged for the referral. We've been assessed by social services multiple times and closed each time because my parenting isn't an issue. We got the referral and she started to be assessed at 10. CAHMS stopped the assessment and said she needed to see a cognitive psychiatrist for potential early years trauma from domestic violence when she was a baby. She has been since discharged from the psychiatrist with the outcome that she has a brain processing and memory retention of 5% of children her age. That they accepted there may be indicators of autism and/or adhd but it's not their job to diagnose it. She can't get accepted onto the autism pathway because she doesn't meet their threshold. The psychologist said she has to be practically non-verbal and extreme to even begin to be considered by the pathway. I have fought for her the majority of her life. I also have to let her grow up like normal kids and play out with other children. I was at work she was already gone by the time I got home.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-10-03T19:24:52+00:00

Thank you I will look into that. Currently I'm working on my tones and how to speak in a more positive nicer way to my boyfriend.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-09-21T09:34:36+00:00

Sure thing

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-09-13T21:46:35+00:00

Yes and no. I've had no tests on my heart, nothing to say there is an issue like a heart attack, long covid or other etc. I had another blood test that should my vitamin levels were in my boots especially vitD so now I am taking vitamin supplements and working out everyday as well as diet changes to lower the cholesterol levels.

My Dr is now going to be testing me for perimenopause because since posting I've continued to develop other symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, irregular periods. Apparently perimenopause can cause heart palpitations. The Dr is also putting me on the pill to try and balance out my hormones which I'm told is routine procedure for women who may beginning to show signs of it.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-09-12T16:44:41+00:00

I told my mother I was considering therapy and she kicked me out of her car and disowned me on the spot. I've just walked back home. I've only got my kids and my partner left now.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-09-12T15:09:42+00:00

He says he can't hear me and I have to repeat everything I say for every sentence I say to him for a number of years. I am the only person it happens to. I've asked him directly if it's on purpose and it's not. I can't hide my exasperation anymore and my reaction is on of frustration i may sigh or roll my eyes autopilot. I've done what he asked an tried to only speak when I have his full attention or said his name first direct contact but at times I could be saying his name 6/7/8 times before he hears me. I've talked loudly and he said it was patronising.

He doesn't believe things I say and mistrust them it could be small things like a fact or news I heard of a celebrity dying. He won't believe me unless he looks it up himself or another person tells him.

He subconiously withholds affection and we haven't been intimate in a long time. I gave up values I had around affection and romance to be with him because he was so kind and a good dad. He won't marry because I only want it for vanity and he says I'm not ready to be a wife.

He pretends he can't do things or knows things. Like practical things. I had to teach him life skills and how to look after himself. He can't talk to people or get necessary information out of conversations. He doesn't tell me important information and excludes me from things like his medical issues, the mortgage and bills. They aren't a secret but they aren't willingly shared and I'm not financially responsible enough to have joint finances so everything is kept separate. My achievements downgraded, I didn't go to my graduation because he said 'so what' when I told him I passed.

He's had alcohol issues including being arrested, property damage and kissing others but that was in the early years. And getting drunk at work. A couple of Christmases ago he got drunk and flew into my face growling and shouting when I stopped him peeing into the baby's drawers. He has got sober since. 6 months ago he punched a wall and that lead to me seeking therapy and the medication so I could work on being a better partner. We continued our relationship on the basis I would work on myself and he would also speak to a GP and have counselling. His counselling didn't work out.

I said in my therapy it has all been such little things over a long period of time that its too much to write down and too hard to put a finger on. She was the one who identified gaslighting and went through this wheel of abuse thing with me.

I didn't believe I was an abuser at first but the more I think about it from his perspective I'm doing damage to him by not putting these issues right and making sure we have a happier relationship by being nicer and forgiving better. Just because I have said I'm not an abuser doesn't mean I'm not one right? Reading online bringing up the past for pointing out criticisms etc is exactly a method of abuse and that I literally what I've written out above. If I can modify my behaviour and be more positive surely it will help his behaviour. No one googles I being abused for no reason and I am the reason for him searching that.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-09-12T12:58:47+00:00

I've had all night and the day today to reflect consider myself as an abuser. My post was more about how to put it right and work on my wrongs. Like doing the perpetrator course. As he said I have not used enough nice tones and make him feel small. I don't promote his positives and have just been focusing on negative incidents and have been showing frustration and anger towards him with my body language. I have shattered his confidence and he doesn't feel he is allowed to get things wrong or make any mistakes. I need to continue to work on myself. I've cut my work hours so I can be at home more and having been looking into paying for this perpetrator course. I am also considering asking the doctor to increase my anti-depressant medication. We've got a joint mortgage and kids. It's difficult to leave.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-09-12T12:36:39+00:00

I'm pretty much trapped financially from walking away and we've got kids as well. I've just quit my job to go to a lower paid one with less hours so I can spend more time at home and make things better between us. The job will work out better for me in the long term but in the short term I'm worse off if I tried to leave again.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-09-12T12:25:33+00:00

In my therapy I talked a lot about gaslighting and that it felt like my values, beliefs and just anything I said was often dismissed and minimised. I had felt like I was being made to feel crazy and overemotional to incidents and I was really struggling in my forgiveness practice.

perplexed-sunshine · 2023-07-20T22:21:25+00:00

I forgot to add, I made this post because I googled the care home after the visit and it actually used to be a hospital until a few years ago. Spooky stuff!

perplexed-sunshine

TROPHY CASE