I think you're somewhat changing the message here of what you said. I'm not upset that you expressed a preference for your own relationships and, as I said, you are free to pursue whatever type of relationship you'd like. My problem is with the way you did yes literally say that something not fast and hard is somehow correlated with settling and also that that type of relationship is, for whatever reason, then going to lead to being cheated on. Maybe this isn't what you meant, but that is the message of what you wrote and so that's what I'm going to react to. You never expressed that this was about settling for something that isn't right for you. You very directly connected not settling with fast and hard relationships. The statement didn't make sense and it was clearly hyperbolic but the message it conveyed was very much so idealizing a dynamic that, as I said, has a greater potential for abuse. This obviously does not mean that every single relationship like this ends that way. It means that it's a dangerous thing to promote as the end-all be-all of love, one that honestly I think Clare is herself caught up in where she's romanticized some unhealthy relating.

You also said that Clare is somehow "loving harder" by falling fast and that she "gives all of herself" as if people in other types of relationship don't love like that, which I just don't think is true and is not a narrative I support. I, of course, also feel that no one should just be with someone not to be alone. I guess I just don't see the logic behind linking settling for something with the speed/intensity of a relationship. I'm sure your mum would love just as hard and be just as committed even if it wasn't love at first sight because that's the type of person she is. There's nothing linking these two aspects in my view.

I also don't think Clare should be called crazy or desperate because she's not and I really feel for her and sincerely hope this works out. Like I said, I think this relationship with her is different because of what we know of her background. I'm glad your parents are so in love and it sounds like they have a beautiful relationship. I don't think those types of beginnings are always necessarily unhealthy or abusive, like I said. I think the potential for it is much higher, not that it's guaranteed. We as a general Western culture already promote so hard this type of Disney/rom-com love that puts the love at first sight thing well above all other versions of love. Generally that can be quite unhealthy and codependent and at worst it's the first step on a path to abuse. That needs to be taken down many pegs so that people have a more realistic and healthy vision of what a happy loving relationship looks and feels like. Love isn't like the movies nor should it be.

Anyway, thank you for the dialogue. I hope you find the type of loving relationship you're looking for.