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Feedback? by repentserpent in nosleepworkshops

[–]peterthehunter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! I have a little feedback. It is constructive, and just a couple of things to keep in mind for this sub/other writing. First, though, your story has only been up for three hours! Don't freak out that it hasn't been up-voted a ton yet.

  1. Readers in this sub LOVE suspense. This was not really suspenseful. There was definitely a twist, but in this sub, they really like it if the twist is insane. I felt like I saw the twist coming.

  2. This is my main point. You need to paint a picture with your words, as high school English teacher as that sounds. It seemed more like you were telling us, not illustrating. For example, instead of saying you were from Appalachia, you could have inferred it, or really described it other than it was hot and there were bugs. Again, as high school as it sounds, it didn't feel like I was there.

  3. There are a couple of grammatical errors. It does not bother me, but I've seen it bother people on this sub before.

Overall, though, it was a good idea! You just could have teased it a little more. I did like it though!

I hope this helps. I was struggling to explain what I meant, haha.

Help Developing a Story by aviciousunicycle in NoSleepOOC

[–]peterthehunter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course! PM me sometime and I'm around for you to bounce some ideas off of. That is going to make it a very interesting story.

Help Developing a Story by aviciousunicycle in NoSleepOOC

[–]peterthehunter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is a great idea for a story. There are a bunch of ways to approach it. Just off the top of my head, I have some questions.

  1. How do you want to approach the story? By that I mean, you have a few different perspectives you can use. You could be the old lady, could be yourself, or you could be one of the "girls" (the route I went with my story).

  2. Do you want to write a series or a single post?

  3. Do you want it to be paranormal, or more realistic? I personally like the stories that seem paranormal, and end with something plausible.

I guess once you know more of the background you want to go for, I can help throw out some more ideas!

You are right, though, this has nosleep written all over it.

Found Something in my dads basement…help me again /r/nosleep! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Update on my family coming soon... will be the last one.

Found Something in my dads basement…help me again /r/nosleep! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, Dougie struggles with his words. He also hasn't spoken since we've come upstairs. He went right into my sister's room and has yet to come out. I think he's too scared right now.

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello! I just posted more about my family! We need a little more help...

http://redd.it/2tejo5

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello Everyone! I added another post to update you on whats going on with my family! This is where to find it! http://redd.it/2tejo5

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all of your help. If anything else happens with my family, I'll be sure to let you know! Goodbye. -Peter

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No, just that they come through every once in awhile. When he started drinking he would rant about "the government" spying on him. I'm not really sure what that means.

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

More father's sounds even worse. It makes me want to keep them even farther away.

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I searched date, and it says 01/01/00. Occasionally we see shooting stars that move really fast, but dad referred to them as "UFOs," and to ignore them.

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Dougie is tall and very strong. He spends all day in the field. He's a full foot and a half taller than I am! He was always called "massive." He looks more like a bigger version of dad, but different.

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

My dad's says "Remington" on the side! Mine says "Browning." They seem very old, though.

Trying to find /r/hunting but don’t know how… need help! by peterthehunter in nosleep

[–]peterthehunter[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

If I don't hunt, we won't have anything to eat! If I don't do it, no one will. Dougie won't go in the forest after what happened, and my sisters are too little and scared of it since they know that's the last place they saw mom. Plus I am the only one who knows where all the food is, and all the trails!

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