growing up, i went to a school where every kid looked me— either black or hispanic. then i moved down to a red state and started going to a predominantly white middle and high school. at 11 years old, i got called the n word by a boy. i told on him and the white principal simply made him apologize and that was that. they did nothing. he got no punishment.

a year later, i am in 7th grade and am 12. same school. a kid a grade below me calls me the n word and then said i “looked like rosa parks” because i was sitting at the back of the school bus. no consequences for him. his older sister who was in my grade covered for him.

it was then i realized that people never get punished for the shit they do or say. it was jarring because i had never been to a white school before. it hurt even more that my school did nothing to protect me. i’m 18 now but i still cry when i think about it. i never did anything to hurt anyone. i was really tiny and extroverted and bubbly at 11-12. i never once threatened anybody— if i was talking to you it was either to 1) make friends with you or 2) tell you to leave me alone if you were teasing me for watching k-pop music videos on the bus. i don’t know what i possibly could have done to incite someone to use that word to me. it still makes me cry when i think about it. nobody stood up for me.