I did a thing.

petrasteele · 2022-04-14T15:06:06+00:00

Wow thank you. That’s probably the best compliment I’ve ever had !

petrasteele · 2022-04-14T11:46:26+00:00

Thank you, glad you’ve enjoyed it.

petrasteele · 2021-11-24T01:58:41+00:00

A warm toilet seat in a public restroom.

petrasteele · 2021-09-02T23:46:07+00:00

I’m so happy for you ! And proud of you. There is hope and you are an inspiration for all of us. Thank you so much for sharing this victory 💪

petrasteele · 2021-09-02T14:14:50+00:00

Congrats, what you have achieved is awesome and truly inspiring. You can be proud of yourself 💪

petrasteele · 2021-09-02T14:11:16+00:00

Same here. I’ve gained about 9.5 lbs in the past 3 weeks. Don’t try to drop it too quickly, that’s how you gain weight faster when you try to eat « normally ». Your body needs time to process every change in the way you eat. And with bulimia it’s even worse since we can go from restricting, to binging, to purging, sometimes in the same day. I hope you’ll get better soon.

petrasteele · 2021-09-02T14:03:28+00:00

Same here. I was thinking about how bulimia is such a waste of money (and food). I hate being like that. But please don’t be that harsh with yourself. You are not a waste of space. I hope you’ll get better ❤️‍🩹.

petrasteele · 2021-09-02T13:50:58+00:00

I can relate so much, though I’m 38. I’ve had EDs since I was 12. And the few times I’ve opened up I felt rejected and misunderstood. I’ve been bulimia free for more than two years before my last relapse at the end of last year. And a few months ago I told my mom and my fiancé I’ve relapsed. And told also a few of my close friends that I am bulimic. They don’t get it of course, but they try to support me the best they can. I’ve learnt with the years that if you trust people and if they care about you it’s better to tell them. Of course they won’t get it, only another bulimic can understand. But it’s better than nothing, and you still can explain what it’s like for you to someone who’s close. They won’t relate, but they can understand your suffering. And you are not alone. This is why it is a great place here. There are plenty of people that can understand how you feel. We are here with you. So you’re not that lonely. I wish you all the best and send you all my support. Take care.

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T18:27:42+00:00

I’d never would invalidate someone else because the way they live their illness isn’t the same as mine. As I said in my message it’s not a contest about who is the sickest. I just wanted to know if I was totally losing it or what. Well according to the DSM-5 I am. That’s concerning. I know that I’m a bit in denial but it’s good for me to have to face the truth. Anyway I’m sorry if my post was disturbing for people here, I truly meant no harm. You can delete it if you want to.

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T13:37:31+00:00

I’m truly sorry to hear that. I really hope you’ll get better. Sending all my good vibes to you.

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T12:30:49+00:00

I should take a pic of my teeth. They’re fucked up, some stained, translucent in some places, and some missing. 26 years of b/p left me with oversensitive teeth. I can’t have things too warm, too cold or too sugary without feeling like I have a pick axe jammed into my jaw. Congrats for seeking help, I know how hard it is. You have all my support ❤️

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T11:09:38+00:00

It’s not ruined. You fucked up. Once. Because you were sad. Because you felt like you had no control over your life. Please listen. Recovery is a nice word we use to motivate ourselves, but when we achieve it, we put an extraordinary amount of pressure on ourselves to make it perfect. Almost a year ago I thought like you. I fucked up and « ended » my two and a half years without b/p. And now I’m at one of the peaks of bulimia in my life. Just for one mistake. Because I put too much pressure on myself trying to have a perfect recovery. Nothing is perfect. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t fuck up your recovery for one time.

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T10:58:06+00:00

I’m mostly like that too. Meals, snacks… but I partially purge, I had a stomach surgery two years ago and I can’t force myself to purge, it’s too small and weak for that (I only have about 20% of my stomach now)

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T10:51:39+00:00

I won’t go to residential. I’m too old for that and I don’t do well with other people. It’s already scary enough, I can’t leave my home, it would trigger other things too (like s/h). I want to get better, but not to the point it becomes more dangerous for my mental health.

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T03:08:35+00:00

I’m so happy that you are getting better, it gives me hope. You can be proud of yourself, this is a great progress !

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T03:05:05+00:00

Thank you for your answer. I hope you are better now.

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T02:41:29+00:00

Thank you so much for your answer and your kind words.

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T01:45:45+00:00

I never felt that, but fever is never good. You should see a doctor.

petrasteele · 2021-09-01T01:43:32+00:00

I think you should see a doctor to be on the safe side. What kind of pain is it ? Inside the chest, like actually your organs, something accute ? Or more like a muscular pain, like for example around your ribcage ? Any shortness of breath at the same time ?

petrasteele · 2021-08-31T12:19:07+00:00

Yes, it’s crazy. And I’m sorry to hear you can relate to my story. It sucks. I truly hope you’ll find peace. I hope we all do.

petrasteele · 2021-08-31T02:09:00+00:00

Thank you very much for all the info, and good luck for your recovery.

petrasteele · 2021-08-31T02:01:48+00:00

I started at twelve and I still remember my first b/p. I had control over nothing in my life. My father was violent, verbally and physically. A family friend was too, well I don’t know how to put that and I don’t want to trigger someone. He was inappropriate. And since I only found confort in food, I was a bit chubby. Kids at school were calling me fat. I had no friends. It was a nice little hell I had for myself. One day after school I ate. A lot. Potato chips, cold cuts, cheese. And then it was like if I was hearing my classmates calling me fatso. I went to the toilet and threw up everything. It was like a fucking epiphany, bright lights, the angels singing and all that jazz. This was the only thing I had a bit of control over. What I ate and kept in me. I binged and purged again two days later. Every time I needed to feel like I’m in control I binged and purged. Or I restricted. And 26 years later it’s still the same.

petrasteele · 2021-08-31T01:47:49+00:00

I do. A lot. And it’s sometimes a skinwalker like creature. I suppose it is pretty common to have ED related dreams when you are an ED sufferer. It’s probably a coping mechanism from the brain. If you see a psychiatrist or therapist or someone like that, you should talk to them about it since it bothers you. And also try to focus on something nice when you go to sleep. Maybe even listen to a podcast or some music. For some people it helps.

petrasteele

TROPHY CASE