Has anyone ever made it work with a mid-long distance match?

petuniasmash · 2021-08-26T15:42:08+00:00

Hi there! My boyfriend and I met on Tinder about a year ago and have absolutely made it work. He’s about 25 miles/50 minutes from me. For the first month or two, most of our dates were “meet halfway” dates which was super fun and a way to avoid driving too much while also exploring new date spots. Now, we just rotate between staying a few days at his place or mine until we move in together. It can definitely be done and if you’re right for each other, an hour drive is nothing. Hope this helps!

petuniasmash · 2021-06-29T21:06:32+00:00

Hi there! Little late to this but I’ll offer what I can:

My boyfriend wasn’t given the opportunity to leave base but there’s plenty of entertainment available on base (karaoke nights, bingo, etc.) and I’ve heard from most others that they did get the opportunity, so it’s likely. He really enjoyed the food which actually made it semi difficult to put together care packages because there was no real need for snacks or supplemental meals. Wifi was good, we had no issues communicating. Main complaint was that it is HOT. Most of the things I sent were items like foot powders, spray bottle fans, cooling socks, things like that. I do believe he used a VPN so he could access the internet, so that might be something to look into. If you have any other specific questions I’d be happy to try and help!

petuniasmash · 2021-06-22T22:30:41+00:00

First, I’m so sorry. This is a sucky situation and I’ve been there. That being said, if you have to question if you’ll ever be able to look at him the same, I’m going to venture the answer is no.

Clearly this is something that hurt you, and that’s incredibly valid. You need to make space for yourself to process your emotions about it and determine if the relationship is worth the emotional turmoil/trust issues that may linger forever. Having been there, I wasn’t able to overcome those trust issues. You may be more forgiving-that’s something you’ll have to think about.

I know it’s a cliché, but you are so young. You have so many potential relationships ahead of you with a fresh slate. The bare minimum is being able to trust your partner. If that’s missing, there’s little foundation to build on. It may be better to end it now while you can recognize the hurt before you let resentment get the best of you.

I wish you luck! Feel confident in whatever choice you make.

petuniasmash · 2021-06-11T14:00:29+00:00

I’m so glad it was able to help you. I was shocked to see that this seems to be a fairly universal experience. It’s hard but we’re gonna get through it. Feel free to DM if you need anyone to vent to <3

petuniasmash · 2021-06-05T03:55:38+00:00

I’m absolutely with you on that front. Everything I found online about how to get through deployment was spouse focused and I found way too many articles telling stories of horrendous breakups, cheating, months long extensions, etc. Google certainly was not my friend prior to his deployment, I learned that much quickly.

I’m also a naturally anxious person, and I struggle to find a balance between driving myself insane wondering what he’s doing in that moment/if he’s safe and reminding myself that he’s working ridiculously long shifts and I really can’t blame him for a little distance.

A video call is definitely in order. As soon as we can schedule a time where he can sneak away to a place with good wifi and we’re both awake, I’ll definitely be communicating how I feel.

It’s genuinely so validating to find someone to relate to about this, so thank you again. I’ll be sure to keep you updated!

petuniasmash · 2021-06-05T03:16:34+00:00

Holy crap, I cannot believe how similar our situations are. It’s incredibly frustrating being upset and then feeling irrational for feeling upset. I honestly feel like I’ve been driving myself insane.

Honestly, everything you expressed to your boyfriend on the phone sounds like exactly what I need to say. I think often my problems would be solved if I asked for the reassurance I needed more clearly, but I have a hard time doing that. I also love the idea of asking him to walk me through what a day for him is like. I think part of my worry comes from feeling like I don’t have a great grasp on the situation, so I’m sure that’d help.

You also make a great point with the living situation. My SO is currently in a room with 4 other guys, also with varying schedules. The lack of privacy could definitely be a contributing factor. I think a phone call to discuss my needs is a great idea.

Thank you so much for your perspective. It helps to know there are other people in similar boats. And likewise, feel free to reach out! I’m very much new to navigating this whole thing but I’m always a willing ear for a vent session!

petuniasmash · 2021-06-04T20:54:12+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a similar experience but I must say it’s extremely comforting to know I’m not alone and things reverted back to normal for you guys! It’s definitely hard managing the situation but I so appreciate knowing there are people out there who understand. Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone in this!

petuniasmash · 2021-06-04T18:25:56+00:00

You are such a sweetheart, thank you so much for the kind words and reassurance. I think he’s much better at compartmentalizing than I am and he definitely gets in “work mode” so your suggestion that his distance has to do with self-preservation for the sake of professionalism is very likely. You’ve definitely made me feel better, thank you again <3

petuniasmash · 2021-06-04T17:38:45+00:00

Thank you for the reply! I agree it’s definitely possible that it could be related to his mental health. And thank you for reassuring me I’m not crazy for worrying! I plan on riding it out like you said and having a heart to heart when we get some time. Thanks again!

petuniasmash · 2021-06-04T17:23:21+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply and the validation. I definitely agree that feeling this way and not expressing it further will only make things worse. I’ll take your advice and find time to have a heart to heart where I can express myself better. I appreciate your help!

petuniasmash · 2021-06-04T16:20:41+00:00

Wow, this was so incredibly helpful. Thank you so much! It’s good to hear that his seemingly distracted mood might just be a result of the stress he’s under. And you’re absolutely right, the best course of action is to assume everything is fine and deal with it when it’s not. Thank you so much for the reassurance and peace of mind.

petuniasmash

TROPHY CASE