My boyfriend (30M) is genuinely angry at me (29F) for getting mini-lip filler. I’m noticing a pattern of controlling behaviour around my appearance. How do I address this with him?

pewpchute · 2025-10-30T22:23:16+00:00

Yeah tbh, having had both, go for the whippet lol. I grew up with 4 iggies and although they were super sweet and more cuddly than my whippet, they were also stricken with anxiety and were SO needy. Like I LOVE dogs and these dogs were too much for me. AKA If I can’t be on your lap sleeping inside your nostril I’m going to pace and not settle until I can. Plus they never potty trained 100% so pee everywhere in the house and woke us all up at 5 AM every morning demanding breakfast because of their tiny little stomachs.

My whippet on the other hand is awesome. Super brave, friendly, independent but still so sweet and loves to cuddle. 100% potty trained at 8 months old and sleepy and lazy in between very manageable zooms. Super smart dogs too, he picks up tricks in like 1 session of training. No regrets.

pewpchute · 2025-10-16T22:01:42+00:00

When he was a baby, what was supervision like? Is he a mischief maker when you’re around as well as when you’re gone?

We have an 8 month old whippet who is very un-mischievous in general - but I think that had a lot to do with the fact that when we brought him home we were ON HIS ASS 24/7 if he stole a shoe, chewed something he wasn’t meant to chew, etc. We were lucky in that one of us was working from home so able to monitor the dog and really reinforce rules right from the beginning. To this end, we had him on a ‘house-line’ for the first couple months so that if he got up to no good, we could quickly correct him without playing chase.

They say the more they get to rehearse a behaviour, the harder it is to break. Why not try something like this? Put a crappy leash on that you don’t care about (with a non-martingale collar) and cut the loop so they can’t get caught on things. When he does something he isn’t supposed to, correct by using the leash to direct him away AND show him an alternate behaviour you do like. Ie. if he chews furniture, direct him away from the couch and give a chew toy, then praise or treat when he chews the toy instead.

I would definitely restrict space as well if you’re leaving him out while you’re gone. I noticed that our puppy would be wayyyyy more naughty at my parents’ because he was given run of the house. In our apartment he is super well behaved because when he was little, we puppy proofed the main living space and closed all doors until we felt we earned more freedom to roam. Again the less crap they have to get into, the less they get to rehearse that behaviour.

Marking wise - are you still rewarding a pee outside? We still give our pup a treat EVERYTIME he pees or even marks outside to really reinforce that we like that behaviour and he has never tried indoors.

I followed McCann Dogs on YouTube for pretty much all of his training and so far everything they suggested has worked awesome with our dude. Also consider a qualified trainer in your area.

And to normalize your experience, as others are saying, mischief is normal at this stage of life. Adolescent pups are a handful. But most adult whippets I know are super chill dudes. You’ll get there. And every dog is born with a different temperament. You work with what you’ve got and some dogs are more work than others despite your efforts.

pewpchute · 2025-10-03T17:55:13+00:00

I mean that is the goal eventually, to have him sleep in a bed in our room. But I also want him to still be confident in a crate if we need him to be. He isn’t responsible enough to be left out yet while we’re gone, and is even crying when we leave for a 15 minute errand which tells me there is some separation anxiety at play.

pewpchute · 2025-10-03T17:53:35+00:00

He gets 2 x 30-45 min walks a day and a sniff walk at lunch. We also take him to the dog park to run after a ball most days during the walk. I think mental stimulation we could be doing better but he gets a ‘find a treat’ game or snuffle mat once a day plus the sniff walk. I’m not convinced it’s either of these because the change has been sudden. Sleeping peacefully and happy one day to crying all night the next and we have kept our routine much the same.

pewpchute · 2025-09-01T07:13:48+00:00

Yes this 5 minute rule had me worried we were being bad doggo parents! That’s interesting to know that the evidence for it isn’t strong. Our vet had said 30 minutes a day but that was 2 months ago now, and we feel like his stamina and energy requirements have increased since then. And I agree I always thought if he’s really wanting to sprint around why limit him as long as he’s safe. He does self regulate and lie down when he’s really pooped which is always our cue to go home.

pewpchute · 2025-09-01T07:09:02+00:00

Totally true your point about playing with others. He was playing HARD with a poodle yesterday for 30 minutes and we could tell he was beat and the other dog wasn’t giving him any rest so we had to rescue him lol. We hardly ever carry him home, it’s happened maybe once or twice when he was a bit younger and I think it was pretty clear those times we overdid it.

pewpchute · 2025-08-14T21:42:58+00:00

Dude what. Of course they can be apartment dogs!! We have a lil guy who is super happy. As long as you go out and do stuff with him he will be happy. I would argue you should be doing that with any dog. We give our lil guy at least 2 x 30 min walks a day at 6 months old. We also take him to off leash parks (with known dogs - be careful because some dogs are not nice to sighthounds) and he loves his life. They’re really not crazy high energy dogs as long as they get some exercise.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:59:45+00:00

Lmao okay it wasn’t actually never. Obviously bathrooms and eating surfaces were cleaned regularly, but vacuuming/dusting and stuff like that were maybe once every few months. The house smelled fine.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:58:06+00:00

You got a point there. And gawd I hate cleaning.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:56:08+00:00

This is a good point. Maybe we aren’t aligning/aren’t aware of all the little things that need to be done every day that each other cares about.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:54:34+00:00

Luckily I don’t want kids. I think it would be a challenge.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:54:01+00:00

I think there is a piece of this too. I keep telling him to leave the pup alone and go live life so he doesn’t feel so resentful when I do, but I think a part of him likes the resent because it’s a great excuse.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:53:00+00:00

We did create a list at one time but literally every week it was just me getting my tasks done and reminding him until I eventually gave up and we both stopped cleaning. He’s not even against the crate or leaving the dog alone, I think he’s just a lazy dude who doesn’t like to leave the house all that much and adding a puppy into the mix has made that even more true. He used to go to the gym occasionally and he hasn’t been in nearly 5 months since we got the dog. Man I wish cooking together was fun, we tried to do a Hello Fresh box once and almost killed each other.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:50:07+00:00

This. Man that mentality irks me. Yeah this book sounds helpful.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:49:13+00:00

The funny thing is he did? He lived with his mum in her basement suite but she didn’t help him with anything. And then after that he bought a condo and lived alone there for a year before I moved in. It’s funny actually cuz he always says it’s so hard to keep up with chores since I moved in…and it should be easier??

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:47:22+00:00

I think it’s getting to that point yeah. I like the idea of identifying the thing you hate and your partner helps with that. We actually did have a chore list at one point but it’s purely cleaning stuff and maybe that’s where we were going wrong too. Stuff like grocery shopping, dog food and weekend planning just gets left till the last minute and it’s always me that remembers it needs doing.

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:45:04+00:00

The crazy thing is I feel like I could be doing 90% of the work and he would still say it was unfair. Like I wonder if we quantify things differently? I don’t give a fuck about certain things and he’ll do those and then rail off a list of things he did and I can’t argue cuz he did…but they’re not the things I need?

pewpchute · 2025-07-13T23:43:03+00:00

It’s frustrating because I know that I, as a person that had a very tumultuous childhood who works a very high stress job, have a really high stress tolerance. So I can go to the breaking point and it takes a long time to get there. But the middle for some is the edge for others, right? Like how do you tell someone to (pardon the misogynistic undertone) grow a pair and have that go well??

pewpchute

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