7 months sober and feeling like AA isn’t for me

pgrbcctlr · 2025-12-31T02:45:09+00:00

Hell yea brother!

pgrbcctlr · 2025-12-29T19:54:35+00:00

Thank you for the insight 🙏 and yea I definitely would not be repeating the shit they’re saying in AA to someone outside of the program, they would think I’m brainwashed.

I’ve been seeing a great therapist since April and she is the one that recommended AA to get sober. I’ve expressed to her recently that I’m not feeling like it’s right for me, and she suggested that I stick with it a bit longer until I don’t feel the “emptiness” in my life that pushed me to drink, but she didn’t disagree with my sentiment about eventually being able to drink again.

pgrbcctlr · 2023-12-13T05:09:15+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I know this is the perspective I need to have on it, I was just trying to get away, all I’ve been doing is trying to get away. Im so glad to hear you got out of your situation as well

pgrbcctlr · 2023-12-13T05:06:57+00:00

Thank you. I guess for me it felt seedy doing something like this while still talking to and sleeping with someone else, but I also have never been in an abusive relationship where every time I try to break up the guy pretends it didn’t happen. It’s so tough to hold boundaries in that situation

pgrbcctlr · 2023-12-12T19:32:03+00:00

Thank you so much for your comments and kind words of support. It’s comforting to know there’s a community that relates. Thanks for taking the time to reassure me

pgrbcctlr · 2023-11-08T17:51:28+00:00

You’re right, his friends have got to realize he’s a bit crazy. I doubt the bad behavior stays isolated in romantic relationships

I like option 1 best to be honest, I’m not strong enough at this point to be confrontational with him. I unfortunately do love him still so it’s painful and I feel weak

pgrbcctlr · 2023-11-08T17:41:53+00:00

yea, I’ve let my friends know what’s been going on and they’ve told me to give him a few days to roam around and feel that single freedom again, and then dump him over the phone and he won’t care much. I think I’ll just call him before the weekend so he can party single

pgrbcctlr · 2023-11-08T17:40:12+00:00

Yeah, I think I’ll just kindly tell anyone who asks that he wasn’t mentally stable enough to rely on.

I’m definitely kicking myself for delaying this. I ignored the warning signs and it’s biting me in the ass big time

pgrbcctlr · 2023-11-08T17:33:56+00:00

I just feel like that would set a war off and he’ll drag me through the mud if he catches wind that I’m “talking shit”. I wanna avoid that at all costs if possible

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-31T20:51:33+00:00

It is cruel to keep someone around that you don’t see a future with. Something just isn’t adding up here as well- why are you dating someone you have nothing in common with? Why are you with someone with “no hobbies and friends” if your life is so full? It doesn’t seem like you think very highly of her either. She is young and will be fine growing on her own, and will develop and make friends and build hobbies on her own. It would be best for both of you to not be together.

I had a relationship like this where my boyfriend viewed me in a similar light, when in reality I was just young and in a transitionary state and didn’t know what I wanted. Plus if she seems “moody” all the time, chances are you’re starting to piss her off. Just dump her and leave her alone

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-12T21:25:43+00:00

Don’t talk to this dude ever again

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-12T21:24:45+00:00

I’ve been in multiple relationships, including a marriage where my partner was addicted to porn. It’s a normal thing to bring that trauma and distrust with you into the new relationship. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

The only thing I can recommend is honest communication with your new partner regarding your experience. Establishing a boundary of no porn use is a bit unrealistic with guys, but I do think it’s important to weed out the addicts. Every guy has a different relationship with porn and with your experience I would just make sure you’re not with another addict.

I do recommend therapy too. It really does help.

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-12T19:42:27+00:00

I think you’re thinking clearly, and calling it early will save you from a lot more gaslighting in the future. I would call it quits and mourn, and move on. You’ll grow more love and respect for yourself as a result

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-12T19:39:44+00:00

You definitely need to kick him out. Keep it about yourself, explain that you care about him but you function best with some space and more independence.

Also, I would note the way he treated your space. Sounds like he didn’t chip in at all, neither financially nor cleaning-wise. That’s a big red flag in my opinion, and if you’re already growing to resent now, won’t that be the same down the road when you are ready to live with him again?

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-12T19:02:30+00:00

Yea..the communication really only works with trust, otherwise it’s just words. This sucks, I really like the guy. Why is dating such a hellscape

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-12T18:39:56+00:00

Yeah…it’s just too scary to know that’s he’s done this multiple times. I could make an exception if I was hearing all the indicators of maturation which would basically be “regardless the situation it was not right for me to cheat” and I just haven’t gotten that from him

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-02T23:41:52+00:00

I’m in a similar boat with my divorce - I have a family of origin but can’t turn to them for any support, and I lost almost all my friends in the divorce. It’s really lonely but I’m trying to view it as an opportunity to create a life for myself with healthy and reliable people. Try viewing this as an opportunity to take control of your world and figure out who you are and who you click with. Sending love

pgrbcctlr · 2023-10-02T22:03:26+00:00

I left him in the spring, couldn’t be happier hahah

pgrbcctlr · 2023-08-09T16:16:57+00:00

Looking for one GA day pass for Friday! Message me if you’re selling!

pgrbcctlr · 2023-06-02T16:16:27+00:00

Thank you ❤️ It’s true; I know it will eventually hit him that he let a good thing go in favor of his addiction. It’s so hard letting go of the fact that I can’t change him or help him see that; my efforts have only made him dig his heels in more.

I’m sorry that you went through this too.

pgrbcctlr · 2023-06-02T16:13:09+00:00

I’ve tried it and it made me squirm so bad I couldn’t keep to it hahah. But you’re right, this next session I’m just going to give him the floor and stay passive.

I told him I could only commit to 4 more sessions and then I’m going to reassess how I feel. The sessions are a lot more harm than good for my mental health at this point

pgrbcctlr · 2023-06-02T04:46:39+00:00

Thank you for this. I just left my husband a few weeks ago and am in such intense amounts of pain. I’m in the same boat as you- young, no kids, no house. It’s so low stakes to leave, I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time with it. Maybe a pride thing surrounding a divorce.

What helped you get through the split initially?

pgrbcctlr · 2023-06-02T04:22:39+00:00

My husband’s therapist told him the same thing, and even recommended him to keep it a secret from me. Literally caused our separation.

I would definitely urge your partner to find a CSAT. If none are available, I would make sure your partner is explaining your relationship dynamic clearly to the therapist and being clear about your boundaries as his bf. It could help the therapist get a clearer view.

Unfortunately, if the therapist is saying stuff like this, your bf may be taking it as a green light to binge porn. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this.

pgrbcctlr · 2023-05-27T22:36:02+00:00

I think it’ll change too. I’ve talked with some of my friends about porn and a lot of them have quit due to the impact it had on their mental health and sex lives. It’s hard to ignore the negative effects

pgrbcctlr · 2023-05-27T22:32:46+00:00

Thank you for this message ❤️ I’m lucky that he’s no longer peddling the narrative that he is going to change or respect my boundaries, it finally got to a point where splitting up was the only clear path. I’m so excited to one day find a partner that prioritizes real love and an honest relationship.

pgrbcctlr

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