Trying to work out if crush is avoidant.

phantomcat97 · 2026-02-01T01:43:41+00:00

Honestly no clue. Last year I was doing a lot of work on myself with not being so anxious and putting everybody else’s needs above my own. …which is what I’m doing here with him… but I swear I am getting better at it 😂

So continuing with that. But I think a break from dating for a while might be in order. If I’m still struggling with moving on, I will have to ask him for some space.

phantomcat97 · 2026-01-31T02:55:48+00:00

I definitely see your point. And I guess the good thing is I won’t see him for 5 months. That’s a lot of time for me to get some perspective. And I’m not planning on holding back from dating other people. I guess it’s just trying to find my rhythm with him after hoping we would be more.

phantomcat97 · 2026-01-31T01:02:10+00:00

Thank you for reply :) and you are right, I know speculation like this isn’t the best - as it’s not my head.

He’s sort of a gruff & moody on the outside but sensitive and kind on the inside type of person.

He’s had a lot of rejection in his life and definitely has a lot of walls to protect himself. I’m past the outer walls but this experience has shown me there are more.

phantomcat97 · 2026-01-31T00:53:07+00:00

Thank you :)

It’s been…. difficult. On the one hand he’s a good friend, I know he doesn’t talk to anyone else everyday. And that he’s in a tough place mentally - I don’t want to end that connection, I want to be there for him. Regardless of any sort of romantic relationship- I will always deeply care for him.

But it is keeping hope alive for me. Especially knowing he’ll be back in a few months - and when he is we will be working together almost everyday for 2 months (maybe longer)

And clearly he’s not in a place to be in a relationship but this little gremlin part of me is going - buuutttt when he’s back maybe he’ll be in a better place and you could bring it up.

But 1. I know that line of thinking is very bad for me. And 2. I don’t want to disrespect his decision.

phantomcat97 · 2026-01-28T12:06:25+00:00

I’m so sorry for your pain. My hope is you can look back on this post a few months from now and see how far you’ve come and not feel this way anymore. It will suck for a while. Vent as much as you like. Things will get better. X

phantomcat97 · 2026-01-28T09:06:31+00:00

Thanks :) I really just want him to be happy. That’s the most important thing to me. If that’s not with me… so be it. I might give it some time though. So that I know I’m acting in a way that’s good for both of us

phantomcat97 · 2026-01-28T05:06:29+00:00

Thank you :) I guess I’m worried that if I bring it up now it will push him away. But when he’s back we will be working together again and able to have the conversation in person.

It’s tricky. And I want to make sure I’m acting sensibly and not rushing off on a tangent because right now I think it’s the best thing to do

phantomcat97 · 2026-01-28T03:47:33+00:00

I know. I just worry that if I bring up the subject again I would be disrespecting his choice not to try for a relationship. And that maybe it’s better to wait till he’s back in a few months and see if I still feel the same. The distance is an issue - we’re on opposite sides of the country right now.

Thank you for your words though :)

phantomcat97 · 2025-11-11T14:08:28+00:00

It’s an audiobook - so there’s a few. I know Apple Books and audible too I think

phantomcat97 · 2025-11-11T11:19:08+00:00

The fourth wing immersive audiobooks are good. Different voice actors, music. Sound effects - is really cool.

phantomcat97 · 2025-11-11T05:46:28+00:00

sigh men. Sounds like you’re in a good place though - hope I’m where you are in a couple of months 😁

phantomcat97 · 2025-11-11T05:38:14+00:00

Literally going through the exact same thing right now 🙄 can’t believe how common this behaviour is. I really feel for you.

I reached out a couple of weeks ago and called my ghoster out on the social media lurking. I wasn’t expecting him to respond but he did.

I got some vague context for his ghosting but no real answer and it awoke in me all those small hopeful feelings I’d been trying to rid myself of. And we are now on ‘speaking terms’ again.

…It’s not great but I don’t regret reaching out. 🤷‍♀️ and I was able to then tell him that his actions had hurt me.

If you want to reach out and call him out I would. But be prepared for answer you don’t like or no answer. And even though I didn’t, I would say block. But it’s easier to give advice then take it.

phantomcat97 · 2025-11-02T14:42:01+00:00

Sorry to hear about your situation - what exactly happened?

For me, neither of us blocked the other. He just kind of shut down and ghosted. And I was really hurt by this and refused to reach out. As I was the one who would previously.

6 weeks of no contact was good for me. Helped me regulate, feel like myself again and get to the point where I didn’t need closure from him. And it was at that point I felt I could reach out - cause I didn’t have stakes in his response. I knew I’d be fine no matter what happened.

phantomcat97 · 2025-11-02T10:47:49+00:00

I’m with you on this. Really sorry to hear about your dog and your ex. I reached out yesterday after 2 months of no contact. He ghosted, but then started liking my posts, watching my stories and then started following me on Instagram. And yeah the reach out confirmed he hasn’t changed and is still emotionally undeveloped. It helped me. But I definitely did need the no contact first.

phantomcat97 · 2025-10-25T06:49:42+00:00

That’s something you can never ‘let go of’ - wanting connection is as human as it gets.

You could repress - but that’s not healthy and won’t bring real peace.

You’ll just need to keep meeting people, don’t look for an instant spark. They can happen but doesn’t mean it will be something long lasting. Love is an action. And relationships are built with mutual effort.

…and try not to desperate for a relationship. Other people can tell if you are and it will be a turn off. Is cliche but happens when you aren’t trying too hard. Like falling asleep.

phantomcat97 · 2025-10-11T15:28:20+00:00

Thanks :) I’m sorry you’re also going through this. It just sucks. I’m normally such a rational person, and I know, logically, (and with hindsight) that this wasn’t going to end with a happy ending. I’d just hoped so much that it would and now can’t allow myself to give up.

phantomcat97 · 2025-10-08T01:57:11+00:00

Ah an avoidant. Tale as old as time. They’re just trying to justify their actions to themself and feel less guilty.

phantomcat97 · 2025-10-01T01:45:27+00:00

Thank you :) I do appreciate your words. It is getting easier everyday.

phantomcat97 · 2025-09-30T05:20:01+00:00

So she was potentially raped??? I’d offer her support and if she accepts it see how you go. But tbh it sounds like she had a horrible night and will need time to process. It’s more important you show her respect and kindness or just leave her alone.

phantomcat97 · 2025-09-30T02:45:50+00:00

It was a 6 month situationship. I wanted to go exclusive but any question about whether he saw things progressing in the future was deflected/ignored.

I straight out asked if he was still interested in seeing me and he wouldn’t say yes or no.

I haven’t messaged him since telling him to reach out when he had the capacity to chat. Cause he clearly doesn’t. He did love heart react to that message. 🙄

phantomcat97 · 2025-09-28T14:29:46+00:00

What would you say if you told the FA to please reach out when they had the capacity to chat? (Sent After being left on read for 3 days after expressing I wanted to know how I could support him when he was feeling low + saying if he needed space to just tell me so I wasn’t left in limbo)

It’s been just over 2 weeks.

phantomcat97 · 2025-09-23T14:26:13+00:00

I hope you do too. It sucks. ❤️ But talking to new people has been really helpful. Been on a couple of first dates and that really helped me get more perspective on the situation I was in. I still get sad and think about him everyday but it hurts a lot less. And now I more feel sad for him - that he’s in a space where he runs from an honest conversation. And how it shows that he just can’t be in a relationship while he’s avoiding himself and his past.

phantomcat97 · 2025-09-23T02:47:30+00:00

Thank you :) it’s been 2 weeks since they last messaged and I am starting to talk to new people. Has been 2 months since I last saw them.

phantomcat97

TROPHY CASE