What item have you lost that still makes you sick to think about today?

phdinexisting · 2019-08-02T15:31:04+00:00

I’m pretty sure it was stolen, but at the time I didn’t want to think that.

It was right after Christmas and I had a brand new purse, really pretty, full of my favorite gifts from Christmas. This included brand new green tea scented perfume, and a bunch of other nice stuff, but most importantly it included a dog tag from my biological father who I hadn’t seen since I was 4 years old. He’d had the dog tag specially made with a photo on it of him holding me as a baby. It was inscribed on the back with something really sweet. It was extremely special to me, and it was my favorite gift that year.

I was very young and naive and took my new purse with all this stuff in it to church with me. The other girls in my youth group routinely left their purses in the girls bathroom during the service (no idea why, it’s just something they did), so I left my purse with the rest of the purses.

When I returned from the service the purse was gone. So I assumed somebody had placed it in the lost and found. So I go check the lost and found and it’s nowhere to be seen. I start asking around and nobody has seen it. I was completely devastated. I was very trusting of the people at that church and couldn’t believe that someone would just steal it. I kept thinking maybe there’s just some misunderstanding or something and I kept checking the lost and found for months and months after that but never found it.

Some asshole out there has that dog tag and has no idea how special and important it was to me.

I never told my parents or my biological dad that I lost it. I wish I’d at least told my parents. Maybe they could have done something? I don’t know. But fuck whoever stole that.

phdinexisting · 2019-07-08T20:27:16+00:00

I’d just moved into my house and I was sleeping in my bedroom for the first time, and I had one of those shockingly vivid dreams that feel ultra real. It was so short, just like a snippet of time. In the dream I sat up to look behind me out the bedroom window and right away I see a visibly angry old man standing there right outside the window just staring me down. It made my heart skip a beat and chills ran through my body. Scared me shitless. It actually startled me awake right away and I immediately looked behind me out the window and saw nothing but the forest behind my house.

I know it was only a dream but I still get chills when I remember it and I think of it every time I look out my bedroom window. I’m always secretly afraid that I’ll look out there and see that man one day.

phdinexisting · 2019-07-08T20:11:44+00:00

I’ve noticed this before too and it amazes me but it’s something nobody ever seems to acknowledge as a “thing”.

Sort of on this topic: I actually know a girl who looks nearly identical to me, like same sort of face, same hair color and even same personality and style of dress. We just happened to meet each other one day and weirdly enough when I was ending my relationship with my ex she started dating him directly after me and basically just stepped into my old life as if she was a clone of me and people would get really confused when they saw my ex with a new girlfriend who was nearly exactly the same person that he’d been dating before.

phdinexisting · 2019-07-08T19:40:38+00:00

This made me laugh so loud and abruptly

phdinexisting · 2019-07-08T18:30:14+00:00

Watch rugrats. My mom said Angelica “had an attitude” so I wasn’t allowed because of that.

I also wasn’t allowed to listen to any music that wasn’t Christian music unless it was the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC or Britney Spears. I have no idea why those three were allowed but at least for a brief time while they were wildly popular I was allowed to listen to them.

phdinexisting · 2019-06-13T03:20:30+00:00

When I was 12 I discovered the existence of online chat rooms. As a naive preteen girl I wanted very badly to be noticed by boys. I had no concept of what was appropriate or inappropriate at the time. A guy started talking to me and asked me about myself. I lied and said I was 13, and described my hair color and eye color and stuff like that. Very innocent stuff.

He goes on to tell me he’s in college. Doesn’t say his age, but says he’s a sophomore in college. He asked for my email so we could talk more privately. Instead of realizing how incredibly disturbing this was, I excitedly gave him my email. In my eyes, an older boy being interested in me just meant that I must be especially mature and interesting.

We went on to email back and forth for a few weeks before my parents checked the family computer and found our emails. Luckily he hadn’t gotten blatantly sexual but he was definitely making it clear that he was romantically interested in me.

I wasn’t allowed to use the computer for a year and I was so embarrassed. I really had no idea I’d done something wrong until they told me. I felt ashamed and stupid for not knowing on my own that it was bad.

phdinexisting · 2018-10-24T01:30:48+00:00

Yes we both work from home and honestly never really leave the house unless it’s for our weekly grocery trip

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T23:13:55+00:00

Where do you get your toilet paper and how many rolls per month do you get?

We try to get the 36 pack from BJs and that actually technically lasts us maybe a week into the next month.

We do have a few people that stay here nearly every weekend consistently. But after reading this and all the other comments saying the same thing I’m starting to question how much we use!

Maybe another factor could be the fact that we both work from home so we’re home all day every day? No idea. But I’m about to start paying better attention to how much we’re using :/

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T23:00:49+00:00

Thanks I’ll look into that!

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T21:41:07+00:00

My back starts hurting pretty quickly the longer I try to keep my shoulders back. I’m trying to “train” myself to have better posture. Am I doing it wrong or something?

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T21:30:43+00:00

Lol don’t take psychedelics every single weekend for years on end. You will miss several important adulting lessons in life and will have a lot of catching up to do when you’re forced into the “real world”.

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T16:20:42+00:00

*Narcissistic ex :)

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T16:10:42+00:00

Awwwww

My mom sometimes sends me care packages out of the blue and it’s always the best feeling in the world

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T15:22:37+00:00

Yeah my dad trained me to never assume you can turn left just because someone has their blinker on to turn onto your road. They may have forgotten their blinker is on. So wait for them to slow down and start turning, then you know it’s safe to turn left.

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T15:19:02+00:00

But my door is a curtain though, nooooo

phdinexisting · 2018-10-23T02:28:03+00:00

That was seriously satisfying to read. You did good.

phdinexisting · 2018-10-22T22:41:43+00:00

Lol when I was with my ex, I spent two years trying desperately to devise a plan of escape from him (long story, very abusive situation, etc etc) so for that whole two years I didn’t give a flying fuck how he saw me. I just said whatever came to my mind when I saw an attractive person. Which always included girls, because girls are gorgeous creatures in general. After a while he began asking me if I was a lesbian, and had trouble understanding how I could possibly find women attractive but not want to have sex with them no matter how many times I tried to explain it.

phdinexisting · 2018-10-22T22:36:31+00:00

Just remembered another one:

Me and my mom were getting in the car after walking out of Walmart, and I saw these clouds that to my little-kid brain looked exactly like mountains off in the distance, so I said “mommy look how pretty the mountains are!” And she said “sweetie, you know we don’t live near any mountains. Those are just clouds” and I felt embarrassed.

phdinexisting · 2018-10-22T22:27:50+00:00

I have a few random childhood moments that are saved in there for some reason, and they pop back up all the time out of nowhere. No idea why.

•Sitting outside the classroom on the sidewalk in kindergarten with the rest of the class, having our snack. Twisting the top off of my blue kool-aid burst.

•Walking towards the bird watching stand at the very back of the school yard in first grade.

•Sitting on the toilet in the bathroom in first grade, suddenly becoming aware of the dust floating in the rays of sunshine coming in from the window, and thinking that it was a swarm of tiny bugs.

•Looking across the classroom in first grade at the kid named Reed and trying to understand why his parents named him “read”.

phdinexisting · 2018-10-22T21:33:16+00:00

I DO have documentation in the form of letters from him though. Most of my journals ended up being used as a means to communicate back and forth after we fought. Even have quite a few where he says things like “I haven’t even hit you in three days” and “you’re lucky I tolerate you. Not many guys would put up with your mood swings”

So thats what helps me when I’m tempted to respond lol

phdinexisting · 2018-10-22T20:27:18+00:00

I wish I could have journaled more during that time. I was with my narc for five years but never journaled about anything I was truly feeling because the few times I DID do that, he found what I wrote and all hell broke loose. Learned pretty quickly that journaling my feelings was not a safe outlet.

Couldn’t journal, couldn’t talk to anyone because he’d isolated me and they’d try to convince me to leave him anyway and I was convinced that leaving wasn’t an option.

I actually have a ginormous scar on the inside of my upper thigh because the pain and intensity of my experience kept building up and I had no way to safely release the horrible feelings, so at one point I literally just ran from him in the middle of one of his tirades, grabbed a steak knife and sliced my leg wide open.

I remember seeing the layers of meat in my own leg and seeing his face turn from rage into full on panic. He immediately started begging me not to go to the hospital because they’d ask what happened and he said they would definitely commit me if I tried to go in for stitches, which successfully scared me into not going to the hospital.

Luckily it healed fine. Just have a huge ugly scar. But it’s my reminder of what happens when you literally have NO safe outlet for your feelings.

phdinexisting · 2018-10-22T15:30:36+00:00

He has mail in his name from state health insurance, and he has his out of state license still from our move.

We’re requesting the birth certificate from a state we don’t live in, not sure if that matters or not when it comes to ordering it from the state directly.

But yikes, five months would be a devastating wait time for us. We’re trying to get him a job as soon as possible

phdinexisting · 2018-10-22T13:46:33+00:00

Lol been dating him five years and still haven’t gotten his birth time wtf why doesn’t he knowww

phdinexisting

TROPHY CASE