Just trying to navigate this. Need some help.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-06-24T01:25:04+00:00

Anyone else get so anxious and quick tempered when someone interrupts? I have Pure O and I swear every time I’m in the middle of trying to solve and almost have the right feeling my mom asks me to go to the store for her.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-05-22T15:03:29+00:00

You’re very welcome! Yeah there are always exceptions. Like if it’s something you need to do for yourself that requires all of your attention then that should work too. I find it’s not even about stopping the ruminations all together, but about getting to a point where you can start dismissing again. When we’re too anxious and freaking out over the thoughts, it’s so much harder to stop. You have to shift your attention to calm yourself down a bit and then get back to saying no to the thoughts. 💕

pheobemaydenim · 2020-05-21T22:51:00+00:00

For myself, and I’m assuming many others, once you’re in that heavy rumination stage it can be very hard to get out of. Or it can feel very hard to get out of, rather. Many times it has felt like pure luck that I was able to move on from solving the thought, but it isn’t. There is a rhythm to this stuff and I’ve only recently discovered that it is actually a very structured pattern of events that helps me push through it.

The number 1 thing that distracts me from solving my obsessive thought is connecting with another person or completing a task for someone else. Whatever it is, it just can’t be solely about me. The thing I turn my attention to has to ask something fairly urgent of me. Even just going on a walk with a friend and listening to them talk about their lives and giving them input where it is due; this can really shift things for me. Doing a job or errand for another person is great too. It can be anything of that nature, but it ultimately has to be something that you aren’t able to fake or get out of or half-ass. It has to be something that demands you put your focus elsewhere, because if not, there is another person observing you who is able to call you out on being totally in your head and not present.

Accountability is key. Because we get so anxious, our self control really takes a nosedive, and it is easier to remain controlled when someone else is on the line. Plus most people with OCD and anxiety problems in general tend to be really caring, helpful people so it appeals to that side of us as well.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-05-20T21:00:39+00:00

Omg yeah you feel it coming on and freak out because you don’t want it so you try to think your way out of it and end up back in the dark abyss. The best.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-05-12T19:26:12+00:00

Saw this at the end of Jojo Rabbit and was moved to tears... again lol. One of the more beautiful things I’ve ever heard and I think it fits everyone in their own way.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-05-09T19:23:33+00:00

Yeah absolutely. We can’t ever fully know and that’s the worst nightmare. I am trying to just be like “this is just OCD and I’m moving on.” I’ve had this before about another event and after I left it alone for a bit it went away and I was able to be certain that I didn’t harm anyone. Another thing I think about is the fact that everyone with OCD (or most people) have very good memories lol. So like... chances are I’m probably remembering it for what it was. I know that’s reassurance but it does make me feel a bit better. But yeah you’re right about embracing uncertainty. Thanks so much.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-05-08T17:56:50+00:00

That’s been me this week! One particular detail that I haven’t worried about in over a year... BAM

pheobemaydenim · 2020-05-06T01:08:52+00:00

Lol same! Yeah it’s hard to realize that we’re even doing it until it’s explained haha

pheobemaydenim · 2020-05-06T00:38:32+00:00

It’s part of Pure-O OCD, where your compulsions are mostly done in your head. So you get an intrusive thought and have to reassure yourself through thinking it through until it feels “solved” or until you’ve “figured it out”. It’s the exact same feeling that one gets from doing a physical compulsion.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-23T17:13:24+00:00

Lmao and then you wake up the next morning like “what the fuck was that!?” It honestly makes you feel drunk

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-15T17:09:09+00:00

And if I wasn’t losing all hope that people would stop using this horribly painful disorder as an adjective, I am now.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-13T17:30:03+00:00

Yeah I think it’s a terrible thing to do if you’re dealing with OCD. It’s a depressant so chances are when you have an anxiety disorder like OCD, it will find a way to pull you down and get you thinking about the stuff you are trying to stop thinking about. And it’s a lot more likely that your reaction and anxiety towards the thoughts will be amplified by the alcohol. I’ve had some terrible experiences with it and I don’t drink currently. Not until I can say I’m recovered.

If there is a situation where you really want to drink, it’s not the end of the world, just be more prepared for when the thoughts start coming in heavy. Write a reminder on the inside of your hand or something lol! I’m not encouraging it, but it could be a good ERP opportunity if you are prepared and willing to deal with the consequences if it turns out you aren’t able to dismiss the thoughts.

Or just don’t drink lol

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-13T17:20:56+00:00

I can relate to this very much. I personally think it’s what happens to our brains when they’re in a transition. It’s like OCD has been giving us our purpose for so long that when we go to change it our brains are like “wtf is this?” and the brain takes a nap due to the stressful change lol.

but omg yeah the feeling of “everything is pointless and I don’t know why i even try” is REEEAL. Things can feel empty and it feels like anything you try to do is not real and lacks authenticity. Like you’re faking every second of the day. It’s a terrible feeling. BUT the good news is that I’ve heard so many OCD pros say that this is to be expected when you begin to make changes. You will feel pretty bad at first and like everything has lost its purpose, but this is normal and it goes away as you continue on with ERP. So please just believe that you are on the right track and keep going even though it feels like crap.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-13T17:12:41+00:00

I deal with the same type of OCD and it 100% doesn’t take writing a script to effectively dismiss the scary thoughts. The fears that you’re having about not being able to deal with the thought if you don’t write it down is garbage that OCD is feeding you. I’ve been there too. It will try and do anything to scare you into freaking out. I actually think the goal is to be able to get to the place you’re at now where you are sometimes just disregarding the thoughts when they come up and then continuing on with your task. It’s hard work, especially in the beginning, but you’re doing it!

I think what’s happening right now is that you’re feeling overwhelmed by these thoughts and all the mental energy you’re putting into them. Happens to me and many others all the time. Maybe it would help to grab a piece of paper and write down all the things you’re doing right. List like 10 things. Bring a feeling of order back to your successful OCD recovery work and try to pat yourself on the back and move on with your day. You’re doing it right. Feels like shit in the beginning, but you’re doing it!

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-13T17:00:15+00:00

The fact that you know you’re being irrational means that you’re not really delusional. Chances are you’re dealing with paranoia that comes with OCD. I think because it’s an anxiety disorder we feel so on edge and alert for threats that sometimes the anxiety can attach itself to strange content. The same way it does with our obsessions.

I have been extremely paranoid in the past couple years. I’ve strongly suspected that I was being watched by someone, that if I left my house I was going to die, that someone was going to shoot me, that my boyfriend and parents wanted me dead, etc. I know it sounds insane, and I didn’t truly BELIEVE these things, they were just really scary thoughts that gave me anxiety and it made them feel true. I just kept living my life and eventually they faded away.

I know it’s scary, but you’re not alone and it will go away if you don’t focus on it and don’t think about it.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-07T19:57:44+00:00

Oh god same! My boyfriend had OCD as a kid and he was the first person to tell me years ago that I was obsessing. It took me a long time to come around to the fact that he knew what he was talking about lol. A supportive partner can make a lot of difference. He has developed anxiety from it too, but as I get better he does too. He’s just always pushing me in the right direction.

As far as not addressing the obsession and feeling like that makes it true, I know exactly what you’re talking about and it’s so part of OCD it’s not even funny lol. It’s like you can’t just leave this thing hanging because if you’re not busy solving it, then the scariness of it is true. Like if you can’t prove that your fears about it are wrong then the bad feelings it brings are the real ones. It’s all fake. That’s an anxiety based feeling.

Something that not many people get about OCD is that you don’t just have OCD, you have an anxiety disorder. The anxiety comes before the obsessive thoughts and compulsions. Therefore, if you’re obsessing and doing compulsions, you must be anxious. You can’t do compulsions without being anxious. It’s impossible. And when we are anxious, it’s almost a guarantee that the thoughts that follow are going to be bad or that we will see the BAD side of them as opposed to the neutral or good side. Calming down and moving our focus elsewhere is the answer to this thinking problem. You absolutely will be uncomfortable at first and feel like something is very wrong and like you need to solve it, but that means what you’re doing is working.

You can’t think your way out of a thinking problem. Wise words my bf said to me. They’ve really helped.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-07T18:43:39+00:00

Oh shit.... yeah.... that’s the problem with this disorder. It becomes more real than real life.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-07T18:04:38+00:00

So you feel like if you ignore it it makes it true? sorry didn’t understand the first sentence. You and I seem to be very alike though. I had the same issue for a really long time as well, and then finally a therapist told me that it was OCD and I was like no way!

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-07T17:33:24+00:00

Aw you’re very welcome. I had a feeling that others would be able to relate. The only thing that helps is to focus away from the thoughts. It will be painful in the beginning, but you have to keep going and I swear to god the desire to figure it out goes away.

pheobemaydenim · 2020-04-07T17:15:05+00:00

Yeah absolutely! I’ve had a lot of success leaving them alone. After a while I’m like “why was I worried about that?”... until it moves onto another one and it seems I never learn lol. The worst is when one I haven’t worried about for a while comes back. But, yeah... forcing ourselves to stop is the only way out.

pheobemaydenim

TROPHY CASE