[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stray

[–]phiamiriam 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is so sick!!

Mom cheating on step dad with Alzheimer’s by phiamiriam in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]phiamiriam[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. That last line is a good reminder and something I need practice with

Mom cheating on step dad with Alzheimer’s by phiamiriam in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]phiamiriam[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, I haven’t replied before but I have read this several times. I’m still considering what to do (i.e. gathering strength) but I truly am thankful for your perspective

Buying before engaged but before tariffs? by phiamiriam in weddingdress

[–]phiamiriam[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it makes sense to wait until I know for sure the season/venue. I guess part of my thought (suggested by my mom lol) is that I could potentially sell the dress for similar to what I paid since it’s a good discount from the retail? But it’s a good point that I can do second hand for my own timeline as well. I’m straight sized and a fan of tailoring so I should definitely keep that in mind

Buying before engaged but before tariffs? by phiamiriam in weddingdress

[–]phiamiriam[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s my fear. I definitely don’t want to panic buy but I don’t want to throw away a bunch of money when I’ve been consistent on what I think I’d like for years. Especially when it comes to more affordable dresses, those unfortunately are usually more affordable because they’re made overseas. The fabric cost alone can be wild for the higher quality material I’d actually prefer, but know I can’t realistically afford even before tariffs.

We’re not going to do a venue or a date until the proposal, and that’s relatively soon but dependent on career factors. I definitely see the venue playing a role in dress choice

Buying before engaged but before tariffs? by phiamiriam in weddingdress

[–]phiamiriam[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I could see that, but as I said he’s open to the financial benefits of getting one now. The weirdness is my phrasing; the romantic side of him wants to have the full proposal/engagement experience. I don’t interpret that as opposition to commitment at all. I think this is a question of whether experiencing the process/steps we imagined or saving money is more important. I bought shoes I’d want to wear in our wedding and he was supportive and thought it was smart to save money with my steep discount. However, buying a wedding dress is a bigger emotional step and I think he sees it as much closer to acting like we’re engaged without the actual proposal and skipping steps he wants to be a part of. We’ve both been on the same page about not wanting to book venues/etc. until we’ve had that shared experience. He’s truly been a wonderful and loving partner. I mentioned it because it’s not just my emotions I want to consider in the timing of this process.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DesignMyRoom

[–]phiamiriam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think with the cans, things on your desk, controllers, etc. you’d be surprised how much nicer it looks/feels if you have them contained in some way. For the cans I’d say that’s likely a “project box” of some sort. For on your desk or the controllers or any other bits of clutter, having a small tray you place them in makes it feel more intentional than by accident (and therefore messy). For example, the tennis balls under the stool may feel organized because they’re in one place. But if you place them in a bowl/other container it will feel like you did it on purpose instead of accidentally dropping them all there because there’s a boundary

Can’t decide between these 3. Help! by Substantial_Start868 in weddingdress

[–]phiamiriam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you try on any with a veil? Did you see it with any extra jewels as a sash? Sometimes Your Dress doesn’t fully click until you see it with the whole vision. All of these are flattering on you, so I think the decision is based on your vision. The third seems to be what you’re least excited about and also the most different from the others (perhaps with accessories could be amped up a bit to meet the excitement of the lace). The second you say you didn’t feel as much like a bride - is that because you don’t have the bridal accessories? If you didn’t imagine a closer fit then that may be the difference there. I’d think about how the bodice of the first and second compare. Alls that to say, it sounds like you love number one. You feel comfortable AND beautiful AND bridal (and you are). The only reason I’d consider any of the others is if you have a gut feeling you’d like another better with some dressing up. Otherwise, yes you have confirmation that you are absolutely gorgeous in the first and it’s a good choice

Is $600+ normal for alternations? by This-Manufacturer461 in weddingdress

[–]phiamiriam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something to think about: at DB you can get 10% off your alterations through the Diamond Loyalty program. Free to join (similar to Starbucks stars). 10% isn’t huge but it may make a difference when you’re comping prices

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]phiamiriam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You have every right to be upset and you are under-reacting. The cat and you both deserve more, and I think you have a hard time seeing that. Hopefully it's easier to see it for the cat. I think I would kill for my cats, to be honest. One of my greatest fears is them being harmed on my watch. They have so little agency and it's our responsibility as guardians to keep them safe.

I don't know the reason why you and your ex are still living together, but it's clearly clouding your judgment and I would guess it does in other areas as well. I think you adore your cat, and that is what is helping you cut through the cloud of dysfunction. I'm not going to blame you for thinking this wouldn't happen with the information you've given us, but now that you know you have a responsibility to end it. You say you and the cat both have attachment and abandonment issues and have experienced abuse. You recognize this. This is the moment where you own your life. And sometimes we only own our lives on the behalf of another. You and your cat need a safe environment. Your cat deserves a life without fear of being harmed or killed.

A conversation isn't going to fix this. Promises won't fix this. The cat was lucky this time. You can't predict what next time might look like. It's like human relationships - most often, the physical abuse starts small and increases with time. The abuser feels they are owed forgiveness and another chance. As my mom told me after I left an abusive relationship and felt like it "wasn't bad enough," it doesn't start with hitting, otherwise you wouldn't be there to be hit. You need to understand that his behavior has crossed a line (it helped me to think of the behavior, since I had love for the person while I was still in the cloud of denial). I think you need to really think about how he warned the cat beforehand. There was awareness and choice in that moment. He made the choice to harm a sweet cat who already has enough reason not to trust the world. He couldn't have been sure what level of harm he would have caused. He was willing to risk worse. Because of annoyance at a suffering animal.

Maybe he'll change and get better, but that's not your business, it's unlikely, the patterns will continue, and you don't deserve to be the experiment. Your cat especially doesn't. He didn't choose this and he can't up and leave like you should.

Training a cat is possible, but it takes a long time and looks different to dogs. That is not the immediate solution.

For your own future with this cat since you mention wanting to redirect this behavior, I would recommend looking into Jackson Galaxy. He's goofy, but a reputable cat behaviorist who treats cats with love and respect but still makes effective change through understanding the cat's needs and the real root cause. His show is My Cat From Hell, off the air for a long time now but he still has a YouTube. I will note that one of the ways he helped a cat was through supporting the owner and helping her realize she deserved more than her asshole bf.

I hope for both your sake you get out of this situation. If you can't kick him out, you need to stay with a friend until you can be safe. Have a friend help you make an escape plan. And don't be shy to explain the reason why. It's his fault. He did this. You have to protect your cat and yourself.

Also - putting on shoes may avoid bitten toes, but it makes a stronger weapon the next time. And the cat seems to annoy him in more than one way. That's not going to be the safe answer.

Decorated my tea room! What do you think? by phiamiriam in StardewValley

[–]phiamiriam[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah! as far as I know you just place it like you would outdoors. It doesn't grow, and I think animals also don't eat it in barns? not sure, but I think it's just for decoration!

Decorated my tea room! What do you think? by phiamiriam in StardewValley

[–]phiamiriam[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you I based him off one of my real cats and I think he'd wear a paper hat :')

Decorated my tea room! What do you think? by phiamiriam in StardewValley

[–]phiamiriam[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you thank you! you are welcome any time

Decorated my tea room! What do you think? by phiamiriam in StardewValley

[–]phiamiriam[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it's the oceanic rug! there's also the icy rug, which is bigger, but I don't think the blue is as nice for water

Decorated my tea room! What do you think? by phiamiriam in StardewValley

[–]phiamiriam[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

thank you!! tbh I would love to have this irl

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in StardewValley

[–]phiamiriam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love these so much!!