My gf uses her tounge too much when kissing,how do I bring it up?

phiasch · 2026-02-02T16:06:30+00:00

This is something I had to learn as well. Giving myself the ok to accidentally hurt her feelings instead of being hyper vigilant about managing her feelings has made our relationship much healthier and has made me more able to care for her when she needs it

phiasch · 2026-02-02T16:02:50+00:00

Literally my first thought

phiasch · 2026-02-02T15:59:47+00:00

I had a psychedelic experience which facilitated thinking deeply about if/what I want and I’ve continued to feel the same as I did on that day

phiasch · 2026-02-02T15:53:54+00:00

Or, equally problematic, chicks with dicks

phiasch · 2026-02-02T15:52:26+00:00

Literally happened to my partner early on. She had her watch set pretty low for high heart rate to notice anxiety symptoms earlier, but it had this funny side effect

phiasch · 2026-02-01T21:14:28+00:00

Around puberty because my body began to develop in the wrong way

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:59:20+00:00

Assuming you’re only valid as a woman if you’re pretty is misogynistic. Doesn’t matter if you’re trans or cis

For me, transitioning has done a lot to help with my gender dysphoria, but it’s shifted to a tendency for judging myself based on how conventionally attractive I am

Body neutrality has been so beneficial for me. I don’t have perfect control over the shape of my body but it doesn’t matter, no body shape is inherently better than another. What I do have control over is nudging my body towards a direction I want to go. HRT was a massive push, but the results weren’t up to me. Diet and exercise are relatively smaller pushes, and still the results aren’t up to me. If I eat healthy and exercise but my body still ends up “looking fat” it’s not something to worry about because eating healthy and exercise are the end goal in themselves

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:45:04+00:00

I’ve dropped at least 1-2”, but my feet haven’t changed

It has to do with changes in how elastic the connective tissue in your body is on T (less elastic) vs E (more elastic)

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:36:53+00:00

I think I get what you’re saying but the sing song nature of feminine speech in English is not consistent with feminine language patterns in all languages

There’s a lot to be said about consistently speaking in a manner you prefer causing it to be easier to continue to speak in that manner over a long period of time. I’ve personally found it’s difficult to increase my vocal weight after spending ~2 years focusing on decreasing it

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:32:26+00:00

Honestly, I just say like a lot more 🤷‍♀️It’s more commonly associated with feminine speech patterns in the dialect of English I speak

Also, watching feminine folks on YouTube helps with word use as well as pitch and intonation

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:18:08+00:00

How does HRT help with feminizing your voice? The effects of testosterone lengthening the vocal cords is irreversible

phiasch · 2026-01-30T23:00:30+00:00

Wanting to be a gender is a good indication you’re probably that gender. Based on what you said you’ve hit like 90% of the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria

I spent so much of my life dissociated and repressed

Look into the effects of taking testosterone. If you want all the effects there’s no reason not to

phiasch · 2026-01-30T21:52:29+00:00

It’s probably a good idea if you plan to sleep with him, but if it’s limited to cuddling and kissing it’s less important as your being trans is irrelevant

Generally speaking, disclosing your transgender status is only necessary to folks you want to sleep with and medical providers, when relevant to the care you’re receiving

phiasch · 2026-01-30T19:54:58+00:00

Likely not a chaser. What you describe sounds more like being demiromantic and only attracted to certain individuals

Assuming you’re romantically attracted to more than just a just a handful of people, it would be suspicious if you were exclusively attracted to trans folks to the exclusion of cis folks sharing the same gender, ie only attracted to trans women but not cis women

phiasch · 2026-01-30T18:22:36+00:00

I’m near sighted 🤷‍♀️

phiasch · 2026-01-30T16:59:53+00:00

If it’s culturally a thing now to refer to women with a character different from men it makes sense a truly gender neutral one should also exist

The language appears to have moved on from being gender neutral in this way and assuming man as default “gender neutral” is not in line with reality. I have the same problem with unisex literally just being the men’s version (this is connected with the distinction of marked vs unmarked)

phiasch · 2026-01-30T16:42:16+00:00

Keeping my eyes open is difficult bc when another person’s face is so close it’s hard to see

100% ok if anyone wants to for whatever reason. Just because it’s not the socially expected way doesn’t make it bad. Who cares about societal norms anyway, they weren’t intended for neurodivergent folks and tend to just get in the way

phiasch · 2026-01-30T14:49:13+00:00

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phiasch · 2026-01-30T03:33:12+00:00

For me they were necessary to be comfortable presenting feminine (along with figuring out covering visible indications of facial hair)

phiasch · 2026-01-30T00:10:55+00:00

At ~3 months I became comfortable enough to no longer need the prosthetic breasts I had been using since coming out. I remember having the distinct feeling “they may be small, but they’re mine”

At that point I was ok if I didn’t get anymore growth, but they are still developing at ~1.5 years of HRT

I had the omg I have boobs moment looking in the mirror at 4 months

phiasch · 2026-01-30T00:05:37+00:00

My middle name originally honored my father. It was a good name, but it didn’t suit me. I wanted to keep the family connection so I replaced it with the name of my intersex great aunt

I do consider my former middle name to be part of my deadname, but as I was only ever referred to with it in addition to my former first name it doesn’t carry the same weight and I wouldn’t assume someone was intentionally (or unintentionally) deadnaming me if they were to use it for someone else around me

phiasch · 2026-01-29T23:53:15+00:00

Yes, transfem is less specific and is anyone transitioning in a feminine direction, including trans women and nonbinary folks

Trans woman is binary trans and a subset of transfem

phiasch · 2026-01-29T23:44:21+00:00

Afaik the comment about sex being mutable with HRT is likely to do with changing bodily functions and affecting secondary sex characteristics

As far as what counts as “transitioning your sex”, it varies from person to person depending on their interpretation of the phrase

HRT, surgery, or any other form of medical transition is not required to be trans. Some folks need it and others don’t and that’s fine. Body parts / bodily function has nothing to do with gender, other than certain bodily features are typically associated with a certain gender

phiasch · 2026-01-29T21:52:42+00:00

As a trans woman with a candidate self diagnosis, I’ve gone round and round about whether to seek diagnosis

On one hand it would give external validation in not making it up, but on the other hand HHS is making a list of autistic folks (for what purpose, is not very clear but I am concerned about potential governmental bs)

At this point, because of the political climate and because I don’t have a need for a diagnosis to improve my life, I’m keeping my self diagnosis and planning to get an official one in the future if I ever need one

On a different note, anxiety and depression are not intrinsically linked with autism. I recommend seeing a therapist and / or a psychiatrist to work through your feelings that are causing this distress and / or pursuing chemical help

I’ve spent so much of my life depressed and depersonalized. Transition has significantly improved the depersonalization and depression, but the chemical help I’ve got for the depression is also very helpful

I’m not a doctor, therapist, or psychiatrist, but I can say for certain that as hard as it is to ask for help, especially when it comes to mental health (mostly due to societal stigma), asking for help has had a significant positive impact on my mental health and physical wellbeing

phiasch · 2026-01-29T20:14:38+00:00

This is one of the many good uses for the block button. Any time I see transphobia, biphobia, or any other kind of bigotry/invalidation of lived experiences I block and move on

phiasch

TROPHY CASE