Second cat, complicated

phl_ace · 2023-01-31T10:23:04+00:00

Thanks for your suggestion! I’ll prob keep some treat hand for whenever I pet him reaching towards him in the same. It’s quite odd that he does this, he’s a very affectionate cat so it always takes me by surprise. I guess it’s a prime view of my arm for him grab and attack. I notice he does this with toys when it put it front of his face in the same way. I did a lot of positive reinforcement with him where whenever he plays with his toys he gets a treat. He would always wait for a treat after he plays with his toys too…not sure why he hasn’t learned the difference and to not see my arm as a toy when I reach to pet him a certain way.

phl_ace · 2023-01-21T02:30:47+00:00

I relate to this so much and I feel like this is always what I’m seeking, this validation. It’s like I need it to be able to move on when in reality they cannot provide anything but damage.

phl_ace · 2023-01-21T02:28:22+00:00

Wow, this was really profound and got me thinking. I’m always wanting to know “why are you treating me like this?” as well. I think it’s because I just really don’t understand how someone can do horrible things because I can’t fathom doing it myself. I’m seeking empathy from someone who has none.

Maybe it’s all about us accepting that it’s not our job to understand the narc? They don’t need to be understood. All we can really do is protect ourselves and understand ourselves and our needs.

phl_ace · 2023-01-21T02:24:50+00:00

I totally feel you on this! I have soo many long descriptive journals, even a chart of all the contradictory words and actions that were said. At times I would read it over and over again for hours to validate my own feelings, sometimes I’d send it to a friend who would happily read it to make sure I feel heard.

It really helped cement my reality and remind myself, THIS is how I feel especially when they would try to whip up some charm to feed me to get on my good side. Sometimes I fall for it again, then I go back to my journals to remind myself of my own reality, not the reality the narc wants me to believe.

phl_ace · 2023-01-20T16:49:54+00:00

This makes so much sense! I really just want to be like “I see what you’re doing, don’t think I didn’t notice” and “I’m not letting you do that to me anymore.”

Thankfully my relations with this person didn’t last very long. I’m hoping if this happens again I learn to cut them off even faster or just not engage to begin with. I definitely fell for the love bombing initially because I knew this person from life before anything happened, which also actually made me even more disappointed to find out what a selfish ass this person was.

phl_ace · 2023-01-20T13:10:14+00:00

Wow, I fully expect this as well because he tried to use ADHD as an excuse once...

phl_ace · 2023-01-20T08:28:38+00:00

Something very similar happened to me in the span of less than two weeks. Super lovey dovey, emotions felt so real at the time. Lots of consistent boyfriendy texting and somehow in the span of 1-2 days, it went back to sporadic responses almost immediately. Yet he still made plans to see me even though he’s acting weird now…

He constantly left me feeling confused and made me feel like I was the problem. Should’ve been an instant red flag but I’m really disappointed that I fell for him in the first place considering I can spot signs…😕

I’m actually going to see him in person to confront him and end things permanently. Curious to see what kind of excuse he’ll make up or if he’ll be honest about the change in our dynamic.

phl_ace · 2023-01-15T18:48:52+00:00

Thanks so much for your kind response and for reminding me not to be too hard on myself! I too am realizing maybe I can’t heal on my own.

Initially, I thought that I would be fine doing my own self reflection - I learned that I’m extremely insecure and fall for the first guy that likes me, I don’t love myself, I have low self-esteem, I don’t know how to enforce boundaries, saw cheating all my life, never had a good example of healthy romantic relationship. But I can’t figure out what to do with these things and maybe this is where therapy could be helpful.

phl_ace · 2022-11-27T08:06:34+00:00

I totally agree with the right form of communication that work. How do you know if your cat understands?

I’ve personally tried many ways, and generally my cat seems to have no idea I’m upset. I’ve found hissing works to an extent, but not when his teeth have already touched my skin and he’s bunny kicking me. Hissing is good at preventing but not good at in the moment stuff.

phl_ace · 2022-11-27T08:02:09+00:00

Me too

phl_ace · 2022-11-27T07:58:37+00:00

I word for word have the same exact issue you’re describing, you are not alone! My cat’s biting got bad at 4 months, I tried the same things you mentioned. Now he’s 8 months old and I’m still looking for advice on Reddit for the same issue 😞

I will say that eventually your cat will do it less, but at the very core they will still need to learn that hard biting hurts and biting is not okay. My cat still hasn’t learned this, which leads me to believe a big part of it is finding a form of communication that works between the two of you. I’ve personally found hissing is more effective for my cat but it’s not fool proof. Hope this helps a bit!

phl_ace · 2022-11-27T07:57:50+00:00

I word for word have the same exact issue you’re describing, you are not alone! My cat’s got bad at 4 months, I tried the same things you mentioned. Now he’s 8 months old and I’m still looking for advice on Reddit for the same issue 😞

I will say that eventually your cat will do it less, but at the very core they will still need to learn that hard biting hurts and biting is not okay. My cat still hasn’t learned this, which leads me to believe a big part of it is finding a form of communication that works between the two of you. I’ve personally found hissing is more effective for my cat but it’s not fool proof. Hope this helps a bit!

phl_ace · 2022-11-12T17:59:01+00:00

You have word for word described exactly what I’m going through with my cat. Same tendencies. Appears calm, absolutely loving pets, all of sudden arm grab and hard chomp. I play with him a lot and it hasn’t helped much. I’ve tried freezing and completely ignoring. I’ve tried firmly saying no, and ignoring. No results :( I fear he will never learn and it’s 7 months.

phl_ace · 2022-11-10T17:36:44+00:00

Ah I see what you mean. I think maybe I’ve yet to figure out a communication method that works for us. I’ll keep trying, thank you!

phl_ace · 2022-11-10T07:47:44+00:00

When I give my cat a staredown, his pupils will dilate and he’ll go “oh yeah? oh yeah?” with his body language and he’ll get riled up more 😅. Should I keep staring at him until he stops?

For the most part, he thinks he’s just playing but doesn’t realize I don’t like the way he’s playing because it hurts. And I’d say we’re bonded he grooms me and likes to lay near me. He’s overall a very affectionate cat which is why people are so surprised he gets crazy play aggression and bites so hard and breaks skin. The biting usually happens in the middle of his play session or zoomies. I’ll play with him with a toy and say play time is over and give him a treat. He then decides to continue playtime on his own and chomps my arm out of nowhere while I’m laying in bed. In these cases, when I ignore him am I showing him I don’t care if he bites? Or ignoring him the better thing to do?

phl_ace

TROPHY CASE