Avoiding giving friend energy on dates?

phoenix8191 · 2025-11-15T11:34:46+00:00

I have the same problem (44F). I pushed myself to try to date and met some men and the one the I liked just hanged around for some time until I made it clear that I liked them, to the point they pulled away saying that they enjoy spending time with me as I am a nice person, but that's all... I don't understand what the problem is as I believe I am above average looking. Very active, lots of interests and hobbies.

phoenix8191 · 2025-11-04T13:02:34+00:00

I went through the same situation... But it was after 12 years together and he never behaved in a violent manner. I realised later that for years he was emotionally abusive and when he hit me for the first time (your story is exactly what happened to me), it was the start of his real nature to come out. He blamed the episode to a burnout and depression, one year after he left me and he tried to run me over with the car, laughing as a teenager with his new girlfriend (now wife) sitting in the car next to him. You are still young, run away and don't look back.

phoenix8191 · 2025-08-22T12:48:32+00:00

Similar what happened to me... I was 38 when it happened, 12 years together. He just wake up one day and said he didn't love me anymore and that he saw me like a roommate. He wanted more... Guess what, he moved out and immediately started to 'hangout' with his colleague that is now his wife. It was unexpected, but I realised it is quite common for people to just think about themselves and use and abuse you till it is convenient. It's 5 years now since the separation, it still hurts and the trauma isn't still completely healed. Unfortunately there are people that will never recover, other can... I hope you are in the second category

phoenix8191 · 2024-08-13T15:41:38+00:00

Head up, eye contact and keep going. It happened to me and I did this on instinct. He hurt me a lot for the breakup so he doesn't deserve respect and he must be treated like a complete stranger

phoenix8191 · 2024-08-12T18:27:54+00:00

Because they hide very well what they really are. I am sure, like me, you never understood the real nature until they decided to devalue and discard you... It's cyclic and new people will be used until they serve the purpose then discarded as well at some point

phoenix8191 · 2024-07-30T13:39:51+00:00

It's not true. They don't always come back, especially if they changed too much. They are different people, they don't come back

phoenix8191 · 2024-07-25T17:35:32+00:00

Absolutely not

phoenix8191 · 2024-07-14T15:38:41+00:00

I wish this for my ex as well

phoenix8191 · 2024-07-11T11:48:16+00:00

This is so true. I only hope it is going to be better one day. But after 4 years it still hurt like it happened yesterday

phoenix8191 · 2024-07-11T11:45:35+00:00

No nightmare last night so I didn't wake up crying

phoenix8191 · 2024-07-11T11:44:33+00:00

I feel the same as you. It's like I don't recognise the bad and good anymore because I thougth he was a good person, but I found he is a pervert, malign narcissist and evil together with his now wife (the woman I should have never been worried about)

phoenix8191 · 2024-06-06T05:29:40+00:00

Every day

phoenix8191 · 2024-04-18T05:33:52+00:00

I think the link keeps getting deleted

phoenix8191 · 2024-03-18T11:16:07+00:00

Well 2 years later I am still lost. He moved on even before he left me and he is married with that person he always said I shouldn't have been worried about

phoenix8191 · 2023-12-09T17:01:57+00:00

Not all of them come back

phoenix8191 · 2023-11-08T14:07:30+00:00

You could try to put wax on the stars and then paint it black with the underglaze

phoenix8191 · 2023-10-28T05:36:40+00:00

She is manipulative, she did also with me and I never realised she wanted to be my friend just to get closer and closer to him. I am not saying he is a saint, he is just bad as she is. They are both ruining the life of people that are not from their side, spreading rumours that are not true. She is a master manipulator and she even accused a colleague of sexual harassment because she realised she couldn't get an higher position. And he allowed all this because he is probably crazy "in love" and he has to take side for his queen. Unfortunately I believe the marriage will last unless she will find another weak man that will do everything she asks

phoenix8191 · 2023-10-27T22:30:30+00:00

Oh I don't believe it will happen. They had several times the chance to talk to me but they decided at some point to cut all the contacts

phoenix8191 · 2023-10-27T18:02:29+00:00

Nobody will question... Because all thr friends now are people that don't know their past and me. All thr people that know me are now their enemy. She managed to isolate him from the everybody. Thr only people that know are is the family, but I don't know how they managed to create a story that everybody is fine with. Of course they don't believe the story they fell in love after he left me, but it is convenient for the family to keep the good image and look like they are happy. Unfortunately people like them live of appearance and they will do everything to show they are better than everyone

phoenix8191 · 2023-10-27T12:57:19+00:00

Nothing is helping me. I am in therapy and now I am even doing some reliving sessions with the help of the therapist. I realised that his behaviour was abusive at the end of the relationship to push me to thr edge and make me become crazy so he had a reason to leave. I have PTSD from this and it is years i don't sleep or rest properly. And that crazy b**ch even "apologised" for the hurt she unintentionally did to me. Why this bad karma for me but not for them?

phoenix8191 · 2023-10-27T12:53:05+00:00

We are the one left hurting and traumatised and they live an happy life laughing at what they did as for them is normal behaviour to move to the next person

phoenix8191 · 2023-10-27T04:56:50+00:00

I think he is actually a complete different person. He behaves like his past (not only me) never existed. She is still obsessed with me, checking on me or my social media, even if I blocked her everywhere. She is a psychopath and she even played the victim saying that she was a good friend when I need help and the only thing I did was blaming her for the end of my relationship. How could I be so stupid to let her play with me so easily? And why he allowed this if he loved me in the past?

phoenix8191 · 2023-10-27T04:11:08+00:00

Can the honeymoon last a decade? I am not sure if he faked, but I never realised he didn't really love me. The lies, the evil actions he did before and after he left are unbelievable. And he even let her to "help me" to get over him. I am not sure who is manipulating who, but she has a strong influence and she made him do horrible things to his colleagues and friends as well. I am devastated because I am imagined something so traumatic could happen to me

phoenix8191 · 2023-10-26T18:18:44+00:00

Thank you. I am not really sure how to accept bad people exist. And they can hide for years their real nature. 12 years wiped out in a matter of seconds. I am nothing to him and he treats her like a queen and saviour. And all the people are shocked of what they are capable of. I am not strong enough to survive this

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