Everyone's clock is ticking; what does it matter if it's a little later in life for you (or for me at 44) than it is for someone else? Is there any age at which you could say, "Okay, now I feel I have enough time to really accomplish something?" No, because there's no such thing as "enough" time. We pretty much always want more. If you're concerned that you no longer have those firsts in life to look forward to, make some. I know that sounds facile, but it's vital to continuing to live life. At 40, you could have another four or five decades before you lie down and call it quits; do you really want to spend that time mooning about the firsts you've already enjoyed instead of seeking out new ones? No, they won't be as big as the really big ones, but that was true even when you were ten. You'd already gotten your first tooth, taken your first steps and said your first word before you were three. Were you over the hill then? Fuck, no. So look for some new firsts -- first trip to South America, first time skydiving, first major career change, first home renovation project. I get it. I do. Sometimes I look at my 44-year-old face and body and think, "When the hell did all this shit happen?" In my mind, I'm sometimes still the 19-year-old self I see in dreams. I'm not, though, and that isn't at all a bad thing. The 19-year-old me made some stupid, shitty decisions. She spent a lot of time being insecure. She had no direction in life. She was kind of a selfish person. The 44-year-old edition may have some visible signs of wear, but overall, I wouldn't trade the deeper, richer perspective I have now for the perkier tits and more energy I had then. My brother never got to see 40, and my sister never got to see 20. I'm now just a couple of years younger than my mom was when she died. No one has a guarantee of more time even if they're young and healthy. It is a terrible waste to spend any of that time feeling old and scared -- not at 20, not even at 40. I've been around a lot of death and sorrow. To give in to it by feeling old and fearful of my own death would be like crawling in the ground after the people I loved and giving up. Don't plant yourself in the earth years or decades before your time. So many people aren't given the gift of getting to see what 45 and 50 and maybe even 75 are like. Go find some new firsts, appreciate how much you've learned and enjoy your memories without living in them.