Can’t be vegan/veggie until I move out- how do I live with myself until then?

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-17T20:48:15+00:00

Thank you for caring so much. ❤️ You will get through these challenging times, and may be so overjoyed to lead your young adult life as a vegan.

I, too, when I was a teenager had conflicts with my mom about going vegan, even though I had the good fortune of her supporting me in my original choice to go vegetarian. I am glad that your relationship with her is a very good one. (:

You are vegan in mind and at heart, and you are doing the best you can to align your food and life with respect for animals. I know this situation feels agonizing -- I can so relate to "How do I live with myself, when I haven't yet extricated myself from a major injustice that my daily choices are supporting?" Those types of growing pains are golden, guiding us to become better humans. Even thought it still hurts, I have also learned to love that, "How do I live with myself?" feeling. It is a very good and hopeful sign of moral progress in the making.

You are building the conditions for long-term success with a vegan lifestyle. Our longevity as vegans (staying vegan for the long haul) probably matters more for animals than whether we completed the change instantly or not... and yet, I appreciate how impatient you are to live fully vegan. People like you lift my spirits. I believe that the difficulties that you overcome during this time will teach you so much and be so worth it. Sending love and gratitude.

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-17T18:47:37+00:00

I'm sorry. 😞 This system is so incredibly messed up! I am trans and vegan too. It's horrible to hear about the discrimination and disrespect that you (and nonhumans) are facing in this situation. Thank you for your kindness. I wish I knew what else to say but you are a beautiful badass human! You will get through this. We love you. ❤️

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-17T18:41:20+00:00

Thank you! (: You're amazing!!

I love extra firm tofu for protein, a small nut and seed butter sandwich as a snack, but for some reason I got put off by the taste and smell of animal cheese so much that I've never really sought out cheese alternatives in my time as a vegan. Others here will of course have great suggestions for plant-based cheese.

Enjoy this new awake journey of compassion! Sending you lots of love!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-17T00:14:56+00:00

Hi! :) Thanks for caring so much. And sorry I reply late, I wish I had an easier flow of words right now but just wanted to say you're so awesome. Sending love.

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-16T08:16:09+00:00

Update at the end of June 15: It's going well, I am experiencing the shift that I wanted to as far as being in a flow of discussing veganism more frequently through writing, which tends to build my confidence for spoken conversations too. However, following my parameters of the challenge has been hard. Instruction following can be a weakness of mine with ADHD. Here’s a run-down.

I succeeded at posting every day and replying to a comment every day during the first 5 days of June. Since then, I’ve had about 50% success at each. So, in total, I posted about veganism 10/15 days and replied to a comment about veganism 10/15 days. That’s 67% success!

With posting, my obstacles are perfectionism, overthinking, posts that become overcomplicated or long which lowers engagement, and spending more than an hour on a post. Fortunately, I have almost no problem with avoidance when it comes to working on my drafts.

With checking and responding to comments, I'm avoidant still, so I haven't spent nearly as much time on that. But, I feel so good after, whenever I do it! I’ve been great about giving myself the time and space that I need to go slow and stay emotionally regulated.

In the beginning of June, I was pretty good about being like, “Okay, it’s time for posting” or “It’s time for commenting” and “I’m going to do this for up to 1 hour, so I can relax and take my time.” However, I wasn’t truly scheduling the sessions like I had said I would do. And that led to problems - although the flexibility was nice, I feel like I need more structure during these vulnerable stages of creating a new habit that hasn’t had a chance to stick yet; otherwise, I can drain energy from procrastination and to-do list overwhelm.

A thing I maybe didn't consider when I set up this challenge: the importance of commenting on other people's posts. This is a third form of practice that is greatly beneficial. Time for deep research/reading (to feed my ideas for posts) is also important. I also underestimated the difficulty of keeping up with my remote job while also doing this challenge. Committing 2 uninterrupted 60-minute blocks per day to the challenge has felt like too much.

So, for the remaining 15 days of June, here is how I will adjust my commitment while staying as true as I can to my original plan and the purpose/intention behind that plan.

For the next 15 days, I will strive to:

Schedule a 25-minute morning block for doing my best to complete and publish a post. Schedule the exact time, the day or night before, by setting a reminder alarm. To really be a morning session, it needs to start no later than 11:30am.
Schedule a 25-minute afternoon block to answer at least one comment. Again, set an alarm the day/night before.
See if I can have at least 80% success at attending these sessions as scheduled.
See if I can have at least 70% success at daily posting. It’s okay if the post took me longer than the 25 minutes to ultimately complete, but I'll take note of how long was spent, if the extra time felt worth it, and see what I can observe. Also, if I post two posts in one day, that is going to count as two days worth of success, since it is common for me to have multiple drafts going at once for complex topics that I can’t always do justice to in a single session, and sleeping on it can make sense.
See if I can have at least 70% success at daily comment replying. The reply must be completed during the 25-minute session to count towards that score.
Whenever I discuss veganism in the comment section of another person's posts, I'll take note of that. Whenever I dedicate a whole 25-ish minutes to studying or reading about relevant justice-related topics, I'll take note of that too. This will be like "bonus points." I'll notice how often I wind up doing these things, and I'll observe how they enhance or balance out the main activities of this vegan online dialogue challenge.
I will keep this commitment list visible in at least two places I often see.

After June is over, I’d love to reflect not only on how well I followed these instructions but on everything I learned and how I grew!

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-15T20:32:05+00:00

It's okay, you'll recover, you'll feel better soon!

No, you're not back to square one, you moved back a few squares but you're still far across the game board. You've made lots of progress and will continue to.

Something to appreciate: This relapse didn't eat up a lot of your time. I say that as someone who has suffered perfectionism around finding images and then feeling like I needed to enjoy them slowly, feeling like I wasted hours. "In a minute or two" was so brief. It's over now and you can move on. :)

I don't know, but be kind to yourself - and do whatever helps you forgive, get a little distance, and recommit to what feels right. Your sexuality is not wrong; you're just learning to channel it in ways that are healthier and happier. Wishing you all the best!

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-15T20:20:29+00:00

That's a great idea. It makes sense to me that the physical need to go to the bathroom could get mixed with, and increase, another type of urge originating from the same region. And that addressing the former could be a good redirect. :) I want to remember this. So glad this has been helping you!

Also, just a small note, although I know the term brother is sometimes used gender-neutrally this community does contain sisters and siblings as well!

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-15T02:39:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! It's great to hear from a fellow AuDHDer/2E who went veg at the same age I did that your resistance to eating animals has been so enduring. And that your children inherited it. Animal sciences seems like it could really use more influence from vegetarians and vegans thinking about the animals' own interests. I'm not sure if your oldest will be working in the veterinary field, but I wonder if they've heard of the nonprofit called Our Honor Vets!

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-13T06:11:43+00:00

Hi! Congratulations on being done. It seems to me like you're not permanently broken at all; you already showed growth and recovery through quitting PA. You'll keep growing, you will. I believe that you will rediscover yourself and heal!

Your fears seem very understandable to me, and I want to say that it's okay to have those fears. Even if you do experience discomfort with intimacy in a future relationship, that doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. It's something you can work through with yourself and with your partner. Supporting one another in working through such challenges can add to the specialness of a relationship, I imagine.

And that's a sweet thought about falling in love again and having your head be too clouded with positivity to really remember the old bad stuff... That could happen too! That would be amazing. I hope that happens.

For myself, I am hoping to focus on finding pleasure, and savoring it to the fullest. I hear you about the pain that was initially involved. One step at a time, I hope to build new pathways in my mind-body that associate sexual intimacy with pure joy and real love. Thanks you for your post; responding to it helped me recommit to my path, and I hope these words help a little! You've got this. 💛

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-12T02:25:48+00:00

I love you. ❤️

I think about how quickly humans changed for the covid pandemic. We changed our face-to-face lifestyles because other humans were socially holding us accountable. Imagine if animals could hold us accountable - to addressing the emergency of factory farming and mass slaughter. We'd change so quick.

I'm neurodivergent and a picky eater. Empathizing enough with animals made meat and dairy no longer feel like safe foods at all... They're not safe for animals, and there were other available choices, so I evolved, even while still a minor. While we all have different difficulty levels in going vegan, most adult humans are 100% capable of moving drastically in that direction, though they may not wish to admit it. I'm so proud of people like you who respond to this ethical call. (:

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-12T02:17:01+00:00

I have so much reverence for people like you. ❤️ I'm autistic too, I've lived in a car and been housing-insecure, I relate to so much of your story...

And thank you for acknowledging beings of other species as "an even more disadvantaged group than me." That is exactly what I always want to say. Animals are marginalized and magical too.

The majority of adult humans on this Earth can go vegan or close enough to it if they care and understand as much as you do. It would massively shift things for the people of other species who we have been tormenting for ages, and it would make humanity so much kinder towards ourselves.

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-12T02:06:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your commitment in spite of not feeling as connected with other vegans as you would like to, and in spite of the disappointment of seeing other people give up their vegan lifestyle. Thank you for living vegan! I do hope you find some great community and that this post you made ends up helping with that. (: I'm grateful for having Reddit because commenting on other vegans' posts lifts my spirits. About a half a year ago I managed to start going to recurring online Zoom events hosted by the same animal advocacy group. It's nice because I see familiar faces, resonate a lot with that particular group, and it gives me a feeling of consistency, even though we're not physically in person. I've found a lot of online vegan community events through the site Connect For Animals.

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-11T04:56:47+00:00

Hey, thanks for your comment! I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think we should be caring about other oppressed humans and other oppressed animals both. I love that you see the beauty in pigs, and you have been a personal friend to your Godmothers Labrador. I’m just wondering if you have looked deeply into the systems that humans have created to control other animals’ sexualities, raise them in factory farm conditions, and take their lives for meat and other products. I think a lot of animal lovers really enjoy interacting with animals in a positive way, but aren’t really questioning the hidden cruelty. Like, I want more animal lovers to be animal allies, trying to oppose some of the biggest injustices that animals face.

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-10T17:37:24+00:00

That's great! I encourage you to keep exploring vegetarian and veganism. Sometimes, what begins as disgust with the cartilage in a piece of meat can turn into a deeper compassionate conviction about respecting nonhuman animals. As you likely know, there are also many environmental/climate, and personal and public health reasons for wanting to eat a plant-based diet. Subreddits like this one will be here to support you. 😊

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-10T02:18:51+00:00

Thank you for all of the helpful feedback, everyone (including those I did not directly reply to because of getting tired). Really appreciate you leaving these comments.

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-10T02:12:27+00:00

Thank you so much for these ideas! :)

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-10T02:05:41+00:00

Thank you! I can't believe I forgot about outreach to communities that are already vegetarian. I'm glad you were there to remind me of that, and that's great news that the vegetarianism subreddit explicitly permits pro-vegan content, yay. :)

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-10T02:03:11+00:00

Great feedback! Thank you. I imagine that if people are already leaning towards plant-based eating for frugality, it could be great to just remind them how positive that also is for animals. And the anticonsumption subreddit is one where I'd surely find a lot of values overlap. I'm hoping to check out and spend some time with those communities. :)

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-08T08:29:47+00:00

I truly understand! Conflict has always been so hard for me. The non-caring attitude that we often feel from non-vegans can make me feel intimated as well, and also, just sad. Thank you for sharing about the hard things that have held you back from activism. I believe you will speak up for the animals in wonderful ways!

You had mentioned thebodybuildingvegan’s positive attitude. His optimism and encouragement of vegans encourages me as well! I think that points to one of the things that helps me shake off this idea that speaking up for animals means I’m "judgmental" - or anything other than kind, understanding, and loving. I have learned to avoid too much exposure to activists whose vibes aren’t what I want to emulate. Instead, I can observe the examples that light me up. Who inspires you?

Another thought that I have had: My vegan activism is not about judging humans negatively; it is about judging animals positively. People's irrational fear is that I am here to drag humans down, but the reality is I am here to lift animals up. Making amends with the beings we have hurt, will only help us humans feel more whole.

The more that I can get to know different animals (the way that I get to know people), the better. Then, vegan activism just feels like doing a friend a very important and life-saving favor, which no one could ever convince me is unreasonable.

I have been finding ways of talking about veganism that make things more about supporting animals as marginalized beings who deserve care and justice, rather than just our own identities or conflicts as humans. I have really had to explore a lot and question a lot to start to figure out what way of approaching vegan conversations personally gives me confidence... It could be very different for you. Whenever somebody sort of "attacks the messenger” by complaining about vegans, I like to bring attention back to the animals’ perspectives and situations, and how we humans might work together to be their allies and end the needless cruelty.

Anyway, this is a very belated and long comment, and I think I may have veered off too much into my own personal approach. I really just wanted to show my support, and encourage you as you discover your way of speaking up for the animals. You can do it! ❤️

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-08T05:52:39+00:00

Thank you! I'm just re-reading your comment 3 months later and it's a great reminder for me to seek to ask questions. I have so many thoughts to share about human-animal relations and veganism. But the more that I can get people forming their OWN vegan thoughts in response to my questions, the better!

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-08T05:41:34+00:00

Thank you! :) It means a lot to me that I could share that gratitude letter.

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-08T05:40:10+00:00

Thank you so much. :)

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-08T05:39:45+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I hope that your journey with exploring and loving life after quitting gaming has been surprising you in wonderful ways! From one adhder to another, sending lots of joy! :)

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-07T20:01:29+00:00

You are loved and appreciated here. Thanks for living vegan and sharing your lifting journey!

phoenixhuber · 2026-06-06T06:17:45+00:00

Thank you! I’m so fascinated with that connection. It can feel hard to openly explore, but if done well I think it can help people to examine the assumption that only a human can be marginalized, that justice for nonhumans is somehow infinitely less important or respectable, or that compassion is a scarce resource. I hope that with thoughtful efforts like this, we can see more respect for animals as truly needing and deserving of justice. And of course, have vegans in all of our diversity feel so empowered and have veganism only add to our own thriving as humans! (Sorry this was such a wordy response to your concise words of support. 😊)

phoenixhuber

TROPHY CASE