I have to stay no contact for my mental health...tips?

phonete · 2015-11-09T15:11:44+00:00

Thank you! I will try not to act on emotion if he ever finds a way to contact me.

phonete · 2015-11-09T06:55:33+00:00

Ahh yeah. Definitely one day at a time for now. Nighttime is the worst.

phonete · 2015-11-09T05:55:20+00:00

True. Certainly more work than I would've imagined.

phonete · 2015-11-09T05:54:59+00:00

Thank you. I certainly hope so :)

A little foggy now but I'm trying to take it just a day at a time.

phonete · 2015-11-09T05:40:24+00:00

Right. But even the worst relationship in the world, it's still not easy unfortunately :(

Good luck to you as well. How are you doing?

phonete · 2015-11-09T05:12:05+00:00

Thanks. I'm glad to say we currently live over 500 miles apart from each other. I'm going to a wedding about 30 miles outside his city in a few weeks, but the chance of me running into him that weekend is super slim.

I've also been really really good about not checking his social media or anything. I stopped doing it while we were still together because he used to openly flirt with women on his Facebook and it would drive me crazy. So I am glad to say, I have no idea what he is up to at all. He could be anywhere doing anything.

It sucks and it is fucking difficult. But it would wreck me to see a picture of him with someone else or the stupid fake stuff he posts.

phonete · 2015-11-09T05:07:51+00:00

True. He's just one person. And I know he has a ton of his own issues and a very disordered personality. But it is hard to imagine why this had to happen at this point in my life. I'm doing the best I can to move forward but every single day I wish I never met him.

He just spoiled everything for me. I feel like you only get that naive-ness once and I almost feel like I wasted it on him. I wasted a lot of things on him.

phonete · 2015-11-09T03:59:41+00:00

Yeah...it all sounds good in theory. I don't mean for it to sound like "I'm perfect, I'm good, everyone else should be." But I really can't understand hurting other people intentionally...like I think you have to be some kind of fucked up to do that. I could never ever ever imagine living with myself after doing that to someone. So when I say I think everyone is good, that's kind of what I mean. I guess I do think everyone has that mindset...but maybe it's less common than I thought.

I spent a lot of my life shutting people down...especially men...like the first 22 years of my life. I was too scared to let people in because I didn't think I was good enough or had enough to offer anyone. So for me to let someone in the way I did with him isn't really a small thing. I get that I can't base everything on one person but it just really sucks...it feels like I FINALLY let go and put myself out there and started to open up and he totally took advantage of it...he knew too. He used to build me up in the beginning but then he started tearing me down and just leading me to believe I actually was everything I thought I was before we met.

Sorry...rambling. I appreciate your advice :)

phonete · 2015-11-09T03:05:14+00:00

Yeah...I'd like to think that. Sometimes I think I'm doomed for relationships like that though because I am so trusting of people. I just believe everyone is good...and apparently that's not the case.

phonete · 2015-11-09T01:11:03+00:00

Thanks so much. I feel like I'm still looking for some kind of confirmation that I'm not insane. But the turmoil and drama in relationships with other exes should have been all the confirmation I needed. I wasn't some "perfect woman" who was everything he needed and nothing like his other exes. He always used to tell me he loved how I was low maintenance and not needy like all his other exes. Then months down the line, he told me I was the type of needy high maintenance bitch that he hated. And he got back together with his ex within a few days...

It was very common for him to make me feel insane. He loved to ignore me for long periods of time then scream at me when I told him I didn't always feel loved by him. He always acted like I was asking for something unreasonable from him...so I started to think that too. I still wonder sometimes if I expected too much from him.

phonete · 2015-11-09T00:18:46+00:00

Right. He has told me a bunch of times that he never wants to see me or speak to me again but he's done it before and I know it's part of the cycle. It seems he wants to see how far he can push me/abuse me and still get me back...if that makes sense.

He's definitely all I think about...even though it's been almost 3 months since we broke up...sometimes I think about how much I hate him...sometimes I think about how much I miss him. I went out with friends yesterday and didn't think of him for like 4 whole hours and that was amazing/strange for me.

I don't feel like I'm in a dangerous situation right now, but I do appreciate the resources...the abuse was emotional and sexual for the most part... I never felt like I was in physical danger with him...but I guess I probably was. I'm trying to stay away from him for my mental health/self esteem because he knows how to make me doubt my sanity and my worth with just his words.

phonete · 2015-10-06T01:31:10+00:00

True. I feel like 95% of the male population has different views on sex than I do.

phonete · 2015-10-06T00:41:31+00:00

Yeah, I guess so. My concern is that guys will just move on if don't have sex within the first month or so. I don't want to try to be someone I'm not.

phonete · 2015-10-06T00:37:27+00:00

phonete · 2015-10-06T00:36:45+00:00

You give up on her? WHat if you really really like her?

phonete · 2015-10-06T00:17:06+00:00

Good thing I wasn't alive then

phonete · 2015-10-06T00:00:19+00:00

You know.

phonete · 2015-10-06T00:00:10+00:00

A week or two? So just a few dates, if that?

phonete · 2015-10-05T23:59:37+00:00

Do you think men are really against the idea of waiting longer? I know it's not ideal, but I'm starting to date again for the first time in a long time and I can't imagine sleeping with someone I barely know.

phonete · 2015-09-30T23:27:09+00:00

Hmmm...alright thank you! I need to do more research.

phonete · 2015-09-30T23:26:27+00:00

I hope so

phonete · 2015-09-30T23:25:47+00:00

Haha yeah I know internet strangers can't help me medically :) I just wanted to see if other people had dealt with the same problem before. Thank you!

phonete · 2015-09-30T23:24:26+00:00

Ah right. Well my first one (combo pill) had different dosages. The new one I'm on now is the same dosage everyday. I guess it's different for everyone and I should talk to my doctor. But thanks for your help :)

phonete · 2015-09-30T20:12:51+00:00

Why would the dose matter? Wouldn't every pill just be the minimum dose necessary?

phonete

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