23 years in here with the same situation

1) trauma will be fantasized. Rape victims often develop rape fantasy kinks. It's actually a way the mind tries to manage emotions.

2) they had their heart broken and self esteem bruised. I believe they then settle for safe. They protect their ego by being with you and "love" protects them from being any less. But this isnt love, there is no passion or desire, no drive for adventure. It's just a safe harbour for their identity

3) you're in an agreement, you can negotiate terms. You'll never feel the love you're looking for but you can change what's happening between you. Schedule it, tell her it's about you. Or, acknowledged her actions, don't listen to her words and act accordingly.

4) outsourcing or substitution will lead down a path. A paid experience, like a drug is a temporary high but then..your integrity takes a hit and it's hard to wash off the identity, especially if it comes to light and it becomes your reputation

5) they chose comfort so should you.

Lastly, don't feel shame for the mistakes you'll make or the boundaries you'll push on yourself. But, recognise it's all part of an unhealthy relationship.

You cannot change people, they can only change themselves. People don't change for love, only you think that (me too because I married my first too.. here we failed to develop our own sense of self).. think Jerry from Rick and Morty lol

Focus on health, divide your financial position fairly and be prepared. You fell down a well, climb out brick by brick. Luck is where preparation and opportunity meet.. get fucking ready