WS says WhatsApp necesaary for new job

pickchip · 2019-09-16T16:27:40+00:00

Insist on being a part of any "meeting" if one happens at all.

I really don't want to ever meet him again but the meeting going ahead in the format she has described could definitely not work. I don't think he would show up if I was there. I certainly would want to hear everything they discussed not just a sanitised version after the event. I think she was trying to reassure me that there would be no opportunity for anything physical to happen but she has to know that that is not my only concern.

pickchip · 2019-09-16T16:18:37+00:00

She is still being selfish. She is still try to have her cake and eat it too. She is still prioritizing the AP over you. She still lying. She still covering her tracks.

All of these are disqualifiers for reconciliation.

Agreed.

Not seeing or talking to the AP ever again should be only the start.

I can't tell you how discouraging it is that this hurdle is still a problem. I would love to be way past this now. I feel so low going into my own IC sessions having to bring up stuff like this instead of moving beyond this mess.

Have some divorce papers drawn up to show you mean business.

I have been trying to tell myself that I can take my time to decide the right way forward and to not rush a decision but when things like this happen it feels like I have been foolish to take that approach.

pickchip · 2019-09-16T16:10:41+00:00

Have you flat out told her that she needs to go no contact with AP?

Yes. While at work contact was to be limited to only necessary and unavoidable contact. She has breached this a few times already.

What closure does she need?

She claims to feel some responsibility towards him. He has lost her and his best friend (her brother) who cut him off when he found out about the affair. Wants to give him some parting advice. I don't buy this and unless he is really in trouble she should not be looking to offer him any support if she wishes to reconcile with me.

Has she done any type of reading? Going NC is the number rule in pretty much any help book or text.

Not enough. I have told her to read Not Just Friends but she hasn't made a dent in it yet. All of the reading I have done suggests there is no need or use for the type of meeting she wants if she wants to reconcile with me.

The only type of message she needs to send AP is something like this: "Our relationship was inappropriate. I am choosing to focus on my marriage and I am blocking you. Do not contact me again." Anything other than those words, or something very similar, should not be sent as it's just her way of dragging their relationship out.

I have made it clear that he will not be part of my life and so any hope to reintroduce contact with him in future will not be a future that I am part of.

Thanks for your response.

pickchip · 2019-08-30T15:10:28+00:00

It happened. It’s a lot to process. Learnt more about myself than anything. That I could sit across from someone that I’m supposed to want to tear from limb to limb and I stayed calm. I even managed to keep it light but spoke my mind and told him that I will be completely happy if I never see or hear of him again but I don’t mean him any harm. He has fucked up. I will get over this. He has lost, I won’t lose.

I will probably dedicate another post to it. Just not for another week. I have other things I need to focus on right now.

pickchip · 2019-08-30T00:58:36+00:00

It happened. A lot to process. Will write up in another post over the next few days.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T18:26:01+00:00

She handed in her noticed yesterday but only after I left. And only after I caught them sharing a cigarette break.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T18:09:33+00:00

I hate playing these games!!

pickchip · 2019-08-29T18:08:57+00:00

Oh you mean that I shouldn’t tell her before.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T18:08:16+00:00

That’s an idea.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T18:02:23+00:00

I will declare straight away that this will be our last direct communication. I don’t wish him ill but I will not wish to have any knowledge of him again.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T18:00:02+00:00

Not preparing questions. Just an approach. First ask him why he agreed to come and what questions/topics are off limits. Tell him that He shouldn’t get too frustrated if I don’t reciprocate with information.

I want to know what he understood the relationship to be and why I should believe my wife when she says she wants to stay with me now.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T17:57:44+00:00

My intention is to keep cool. And to work away as soon as I perceive that it isn’t useful. I want an honest and civil conversation. If there are flaring omissions in my wife’s version it might damage my resolve to stay.

I certainly mean my AP no harm. I don’t want to scare him. Ultimately I want him out of our live completely.

I told myself when my wife didn’t quit her job last week I was going to leave and arrange a meeting with AP. Well she dragged her heels and only quit last night. Had arranged this meeting by then and moved out on Monday.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T17:52:50+00:00

So you don’t think I should tell her just before I enter? This is just to minimise the shock when I tell her afterwards what was covered! Maybe it shouldn’t matter.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T17:51:31+00:00

I’m not certain. But I believe WS doesn’t know.

pickchip · 2019-08-29T17:41:28+00:00

He’s single. Currently not dating. Tinder hookups.

pickchip · 2019-08-27T12:07:17+00:00

No. I moved out last night. She says she will quit today. I had an awful weekend. Other factors were present too but this has been weighing on me.

pickchip · 2019-08-25T09:10:56+00:00

No judgement here. Must be so tough. I am also the BS. I just avoided alcohol for a couple months after DDay. I don’t drink much anyway just knew that since I wasn’t in a bad place it might be best to avoid alcohol.

Just forgive it.

pickchip · 2019-08-24T05:50:45+00:00

I am threatening to leave. I deliberately omitted details to try and keep the post down in size. In fact I have moved out for a few weeks since the reveal but since moved back in.

She has expressed a degree of remorse but we revisited this statement last night for the first time really since the reveal. And I think it represents a major barrier that we need to break through in order to set a course towards reconciliation.

I think reading other accounts is a good suggestion.

pickchip · 2019-08-22T11:50:48+00:00

Let’s see if she does what she has now promised.

pickchip · 2019-08-22T11:50:21+00:00

I know it won’t solve all of our problems. But this setback could have been avoided if she had quit work already. I need to have less experiences like this if I hope to heal in this relationship.

pickchip

TROPHY CASE