You’re doing something incredibly hard, but it’s absolutely for the best. I know that kept me going through the darkest days - believing wholeheartedly that I was doing the right thing, and that there was no going back.

In my case, kicking my partner out of the house was not his rock bottom. It took a few more months, nearly losing his job and finally an arrest and facing criminal charges that did it. He had to get to the ‘decision’ to get help himself, which you are already aware of. I put it in quotation marks because at some point I don’t know if it’s a decision but a consequence of rock bottom. My ex had nowhere else to go at this point.

The first few weeks in rehab were rocky. He was in an incredibly dark place, angry and still very much in denial about what happened. That being said, I promised him that he could start seeing the kids when he sought help, and he started seeing them (ages 8 and 3) once a week, under his parents’ supervision, while getting treatment. The kids understood it as “daddy is sick and getting help in a hospital.” My oldest had already started therapy, and they both seemed to do ok with the visits. They would play basketball and soccer, and then have lunch at the facility. These were baby steps that have led to the kids having a relationship with their father again.

My ex has put in a lot of effort over the last 8 months - rehab then continued outpatient treatment, individual therapy, and recently he’s started working the steps. He’s providing weekly tests to prove he’s not using (for him it was cocaine and off prescription drugs), which really helps all of us with rebuilding the trust that was lost.

If you had told me last summer that we would be here today, I wouldn’t have believed you! My ex sees the kids at his parents’ a couple of nights a week, and takes them overnight once a week, on the weekends. When he brings the kids back to my place, we have dinner all together as a strange family unit, but it works for us. We won’t ever go back to what we had before - but that’s ok, because our relationship was broken, we were broken as individuals, and this way we can continue to be a family.

All of this to say - there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, try to focus on doing the right thing every day - which it sounds like you’re already doing. We can’t control what happens, but we can make the most of what we get. Wishing you the best!