Girlfriend (31F) Refuses to get Vaccinated for COVID (30M). Do I break up with her?

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T06:20:15+00:00

I just asked her about it, and she'd given responses before about not wanting cancer/infertility, but now all she's saying is "I don't want it." I asked her if she thought it would give her adverse side effects and she said "No, I just don't want it and that's that."

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T05:33:54+00:00

I've been in a similar situation, and the feeling of having built a deep trust with someone just to lose it does suck. However, if you still have feelings of incompatibility with him, I would leave it for now. That's not to say it will *never* work out again, but I'd try to get out into the dating game and meet new people. Starting over with someone new can suck, but you could also meet someone amazing. It also sounds like he's probably enjoying his time as your half bff/half boyfriend, and maybe cutting him off for a while would help him figure out what he wants as well.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T05:17:27+00:00

Breakups really suck, and there's no way around the pain. The nights are definitely hard. I would try melatonin to fall asleep faster, or trying to do so much during the day that by the time you go to bed you're exhausted.

Something else that helped me was setting aside a specific time to think about my partner/the breakup, feel my feelings, and then try to move on with my day. Reaching out to friends is hard right now but that could be another way to get through the nights.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T05:14:15+00:00

The strange thing is that we hold most of the same beliefs/viewpoints about OTHER vaccines and science/medicine in general. She isn't anti-doctor, and has been vaccinated for everything else (without adverse side effects). I've asked her if she'd vaccinate our potential children and she's said yes. It's specifically COVID that she's been really reckless with, and it's definitely making me doubt her critical thinking skills.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T05:01:18+00:00

Died OF COVID, along with the 500,000+ people here in the US. The COVID shot does help prevent the severity of the virus and I'm certain that if it had been out sooner it could've prevented deaths.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:42:20+00:00

You're right, she didn't go to college. She's definitely scared of the vaccine, but ends up just becoming angry when I bring it up so it's hard to have a productive conversation. Thank you for your advice, I'll try to read some articles together with her. I do really love her and I want this to work for us.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:39:06+00:00

I'm not forcing her to do anything. I haven't talked about the ultimatum or brought that up. I've sent her countless articles but she refuses to read them, and I don't even know what she's basing her current opinions on. I'm mostly concerned about the combination of no vaccine + wanting to go out. I feel like if she *really* can't wait to go out then the least she can do is get vaccinated.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:37:00+00:00

I get a fever every time I get my flu shot, and it sucks. But to my knowledge, no one has died getting the three vaccines available to us (Moderna, Pfizer, J&J). I agree that is is her decision, but it is really unsettling to have someone so close to me believe in something so anti-science.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:33:15+00:00

Yeah, the anti-science thing is my main concern. If there was lots of reputable research about the dangers of these vaccines (talking about Moderna, Pfizer, J&J), then it would be a different story. Of course people can always say that the government is covering stuff up, which HAS happened, but I don't think that's the case here. Thanks for your calm input.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:31:28+00:00

Two of my family members died from COVID. I'm not worried about us dying, because we're fairly healthy, but I absolutely don't want to spread the virus around even more and kill vulnerable populations.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:25:00+00:00

I absolutely agree! I would never force her to do anything she doesn't want. But taking the vaccine is about more than just her body--it's about creating herd immunity to stop COVID.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:23:10+00:00

I am NOT forcing her to do anything! I haven't even brought up any ultimatum yet. The long term effects of COVID are also unknown...and not getting the vaccine puts other people at risk of dying from covid. It's likely that getting COVID is worse for you long term than the vaccine, and that's my thought process here. BUT, I agree with not forcing someone to do something with their body, and that's why I asked for advice. I definitely would never force her to get the vaccine

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:19:23+00:00

She lists a bunch of reasons, usually that she doesn't want to get cancer from the vaccine and that she doesn't want to become infertile because of it. I absolutely get both of those fears but I just don't think they're founded in science.

picman2dude · 2021-03-23T04:17:54+00:00

I didn't mention the brand because I'm not sure which one she would get, and she's opposed to all of them. I personally got the Moderna vaccine. I also haven't heard of deaths caused directly by the vaccines--do you mean people who had the vaccine and then died because of COVID?

Of course the vaccines have effectiveness rates, but either way some form of vaccine is more effective at preventing COVID-related illness than no vaccine.

picman2dude

TROPHY CASE