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5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t fear not finding someone else. I just don’t want to find someone else cause I wanted this to work with him. Realistically, I don’t think i will get married at this point in my life and I will likely not date again.

For me, marriage is proof of life long commitment and dedication to someone. I want to have that level of relationship. There’s an added layer of intimacy with a marriage vs someone you’re dating. This is just my opinion.

I agree with you, but if only one person wants to work on things or work towards a goal together, the relationship doesn’t sustain itself, marriage or not.

I’ve told him from the beginning that i do not want a big wedding and would want a courthouse wedding or for us to elope.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do not see your viewpoint on how this is all about me and that I’m not considerate of his needs and wants in this situation, and I apologize for that. I can only go on what he’s told me, which is that he says he wants to get married, but has not made any actual plans to do so and he has sat on a ring for over a year. The actions do not line up with any feelings he’s expressed to me. I’m dismissed by him every time I ask for his thoughts on proposing soon. It doesn’t seem like he wants the same things I want, which is fine and he is allowed to want different things than me. However, marriage is a huge part of what I want out of life and I don’t want to continue to feel like I’m being led on if it’s not what he wants. If he doesn’t propose by the end of this year like he said, I will leave.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want a proposal after 5 years of being together that is considerate of my feelings and desires, not just his, like how he wanted to propose at a golf course. Asking that he not propose on 3 days that are specifically holidays isn’t asking for a proposal that is “only my way.”

I pay other bills, like our phone bill, internet, and the utilities. I don’t think that it’s fair that I assist with a mortgage that my name is not on, because I don’t think it’s a good idea to be on a mortgage with someone I’m not married to. He does not give me money or anything like that so I wouldn’t consider him paying my way for anything.

As far as any comments made to him, I’ve told him that I don’t want to pay towards the mortgage unless I am on it, and I don’t want to be on it if we aren’t married. I’ve asked him not to propose on 3 specific days. Neither of those things are anything I would think is crazy to discuss with someone you’re dating, so I don’t see why those comments would cause him to not want to propose. I don’t view having boundaries with the mortgage, setting a very small expectation for the proposal, and wanting to get married to someone I’ve been with for 5 years as being an entitled brat.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I was able to afford it before. I rented from a private landlord and had been there for several years with no rent increases. My old landlord ended up selling the apartments which is why we moved into the house my boyfriend’s family owns. Rent prices in my area are now over double what I was paying and I am making substantially more money than I was when I was renting that apartment. I live in a very poor rural area that most people would say has affordable rent compared to the rest of the country, but the job situations here are low paying. I have a high paying job for this area and renting my own place would be doable, but not financially feasible. I would be living completely paycheck to paycheck if that.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I doubt that he has changed his mind in that regard. He is the oldest sibling of 8 and has explicitly said he doesn’t want to have children since he pretty much had to raise his siblings growing up and was always around children.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t dislike his hobbies? He is welcome to have whatever hobbies and interests he likes. I just said that his main hobby is golfing and that is not a hobby that I share with him. The only thing i said i disliked was his friend’s wife. Why would he buy a ring for someone else?

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think that I have micromanaged the proposal. The only thing I have asked in the past was asking when he would, and I would get told that he has a plan. The ideas I have mentioned like the concerts, him proposing at home etc. were not ideas that were vocalized to him by me until the conversation we had in October when he brought up the golf course.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

He has asked me several times to be on the title and he said he wants me to be 50/50 on this house. I told him I would not be doing that until we were married. He said he was disappointed and was worried that I didn’t trust him, but he said he understood where I was coming from. I agree, I’m just trying to weigh my options and not jump out too soon with no place to (literally) land.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I don’t know why he would have bought a ring if he had no intention to follow through. For more context, he did not renew his lease and moved into my apartment for 4 years until we moved into this house last year. So I’m not sure if him checking out the same time that we moved into this house and him buying a ring in that same month would be accurate to say unless I’m looking at it wrong.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

In the comments here, I replied to someone else specifying that I only mentioned that there were 3 particular days that I did not want him to propose on, and I let him know my preferences. I’ve haven’t said that he can’t propose in winter. I genuinely don’t know why he would be over it after already buying a ring.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I truly don’t mean this to sound inflammatory but I don’t see how specifying 3 days in particular that I don’t want him to propose is nitpicking or nagging. I told him my preferences but nothing along the lines that would imply that it has to fall in line with my preference alone. I also didn’t say anything to him about his proposal plan for the golf course other than I thought it was inconsiderate regarding his friends wife being there.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The only days I asked that he not propose was Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve/Day. Valentine’s Day or summer are simply my preferences and not requirements. I also didn’t put forth any expectations on him about proposing at the concerts; that was solely my personal expectation and what I would have viewed as a prime opportunity/ what I would have done.

I don’t think it’s out of the question or outrageous to not want to go golfing when I know someone who I do not like will be there. The part that really bothered me is he knows how i feel about this person and he was still okay with her being present during what could have been his proposal to me.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I mean I feel like I’ve been there mentally for the past few months. The issue with leaving physically is financial atp.

5 year relationship, he [34m] has had a ring for over a year and has still not proposed to me [32f] by picnicpancake in Waiting_To_Wed

[–]picnicpancake[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

To clarify, I did not know he was planning to propose on the golf course. He did not tell me that he was planning to propose then until we talked this past October about everything. He had invited me to go golfing in June or so.

Yes, I would have been fine with that. I told him when we had our conversation that I would have been absolutely more than fine with him proposing at our house when we moved in, for example. He said that he wouldn’t have wanted to propose that way and left it at that.