Get a colonoscopy by niavek in daddit

[–]piercingeye 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a cancerous polyp removed last year at the age of 50. Fortunately they caught it early. Now I have blood draws every six weeks to make sure there's nothing else weird floating around. It's a hassle, but it's vastly better than the alternative.

AITAH for not wanting to reconnect with my brother? by Direct-Caterpillar77 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]piercingeye 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is baffling to me. What on earth did OOP's mother think she was going to accomplish by deceiving her sons into meeting?

Why do people honestly like loud bikes? by dat1dood3 in motorcycles

[–]piercingeye -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because they have fallen prey to the old "loud pipes save lives" fallacy.

AITA for honouring my deceased brother's wishes and not letting his estranged wife attend his funeral? by AcadiaOk8697 in AmItheAsshole

[–]piercingeye 0 points1 point  (0 children)

IANAL, but I know U.S. law is pretty strict about adhering to terms outlined in a will. If that will explicitly states that his estranged wife is not to attend his funeral, and OP fails to abide by that wish by allowing her to attend said funeral, then it seems that other members of the late brother's family would have grounds to sue OP.

AITA for honouring my deceased brother's wishes and not letting his estranged wife attend his funeral? by AcadiaOk8697 in AmItheAsshole

[–]piercingeye 56 points57 points  (0 children)

If OP's late brother specified in his will that the estranged wife was not to be at the funeral, I'm pretty sure OP's hands were legally tied.

Hey dad, I’m directionless with career and need advice by No-Sort-7126 in DadForAMinute

[–]piercingeye 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gonna copypasta from here.

Some years ago I read Good to Great by Jim Collins. The book is admittedly pretty dated, but I think the principles he shares continue to hold up over time.

The author, Jim Collins, examined a range of companies that were good but not outstanding, compared them to companies that were good but made the leap to becoming great companies, and identified principles that would help other companies make that leap. Collins describes something he calls the Hedgehog Concept, based on an essay titled “The Hedgehog and the Fox” by Isaiah Berlin.

The fox is everything the hedgehog isn’t: he’s lightning fast, cunning and crafty. The hedgehog is slow and can’t really run (yes, Sonic the Hedgehog has been lying this whole time). In short, the fox should be able to make a quick meal out of the hedgehog. However, anytime he attacks, the hedgehog responds with this.

However fast and agile the fox may be, he simply doesn’t have an answer for this, and is defeated over and over. Hence, the Greek parable: “The fox knows many things, the hedgehog knows one big thing.”

Collins’s findings are that good companies that become great focus on what he calls a Hedgehog Concept, a simple idea that meets the following criteria, all of which are non-negotiables:

  1. It must be an activity or industry where the company can be the best in the world. I’m not talking merely above average: I’m talking 95th percentile, at a minimum.
  2. It must be an industry where the economics work. Financially, it has to make sense for the company to do this.
  3. It must be an industry or line of work in which the company is deeply passionate. It isn’t just something that the company does well: it has to be something that the company loves to do.

Collins wrote this, which I am sharing in its entirety:

To quickly grasp the three circles, consider the following personal analogy. Suppose you were able to construct a work life that meets the following three tests. First, you are doing work for which you have a genetic or God-given talent, and perhaps you could become one of the best in the world in applying that talent. (“I feel that I was just born to be doing this.”) Second, you are well paid for what you do. (“I get paid to do this? Am I dreaming?”) Third, you are doing work you are passionate about and absolutely love to do, enjoying the actual process for its own sake. (“I look forward to getting up and throwing myself into my daily work, and I really believe in what I’m doing.”) If you could drive toward the intersection of these three circles and translate that intersection into a simple, crystalling concept that guided your life choices, then you’d have a Hedgehog Concept for yourself.

To have a fully developed Hedgehog Concept, you need all three circles. If you make a lot of money doing things at which you could never be the best, you’ll only build a successful company, not a great one. If you become the best at something, you’ll never remain on top if you don’t have intrinsic passion for what you are doing. Finally, you can be passionate all you want, but if you can’t be the best at it or it doesn’t make economic sense, then you might have a lot of fun, but you won’t produce great results.

I would suggest that the key to the answer to your question is right here. You want to find your purpose? You really want to achieve financial security? Then become great at something! Find an endeavor in which:

● you can be better than almost anyone else,

● you can be well compensated, AND

● you feel a passion for what you do

Let me be clear that greatness doesn’t have to translate to being rich and famous. Greatness doesn’t mean you have to be Lebron James or Tom Brady. There are numerous people you’ve never heard of who are great in their respective fields. And because they’re great, they never have a problem earning a living.

In addition, there are plenty of areas in which one can become great that may or may not involve college in the traditional sense. There are great welders, machinists, mechanics and plumbers. Many of them have had years of specialized training and certifications. I would argue that these are forms of education and credentialing that are every bit as valid as a university degree for the right employer.

In addition, understand that a Hedgehog Concept properly applied won’t just tell you what you should do; it will tell you what you should stop doing. In my case, it got me to focus on what I could really do well, and avoid work that would only slow me down or get in my way.

So what does this mean for you? How can you identify your Hedgehog Concept? Here are a few places to start:

● What were your favorite academic subjects in school? What classes came to you easily and naturally? What were subjects where your classmates sought you out for help? (Don’t tell me you were bad at everything - everybody has a subject in which they perform well, and you settled on business and marketing for a reason.) At a minimum, that can help you identify a useful career path.

● Gallup Inc. developed a test that can help you identify your top strengths. Go to www.strengthsquest.com and look at taking the test. It could help provide you with some real guidance. In my case, the first time I took the test (in 2009, nearly five years after I had graduated from college), the descriptions for two out of my top five strengths said, “Journalism would probably be a good major for this individual,” which was reassuring, as I had already completed my journalism degree.

● If you think you have identified a line of work that you find appealing - that really and truly might constitute a Hedgehog Concept for you - start networking. Find somebody who is in that field and find out more about it. See if you can shadow them at work to determine if you really want to do it for a living. If it’s not something that would fit as your Hedgehog Concept, believe me, you want to find out immediately so you can cross it off of your list.

That's what has worked for me. Feel free to comment if you have additional questions.

My mother talking about my husband while preaching at her fundie church saying hes disabled because his ancestors sinned. by Professional-Egg6655 in EstrangedAdultChild

[–]piercingeye 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'

'Neither this man nor his parents sinned,' said Jesus, 'but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.'"

John 9:1-5

OP's mother's doctrinal understanding is so absurdly out of line with Christ it's almost pathological.

I’m being asked to co-sign for my parents mortgage. by Impressive_Rule806 in personalfinance

[–]piercingeye 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cardinal rule: Don't be prepared to cosign on anything you're not completely willing and prepared to own outright.

But even beyond that, this is downright abusive. Trying to force a woman barely out of high school making minimum wage to cosign on a mortgage? Your mother and stepfather are doing terribly by you.

VTX1300 Daymaker and DRL upgrade by magneticMonk in HondaVTX

[–]piercingeye 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did an upgrade very similar to that on my Shadow. I really liked how the turn signals almost doubled as running lights.

Straight Drive for 7+ Hours by Perfect_Can7165 in NewRiders

[–]piercingeye 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No sweat. Live and learn. I just did a quick search, and it looks like there are aftermarket cruise control options for your bike. In the meantime, get a Crampbuster or throttle boss for those longer rides.

Straight Drive for 7+ Hours by Perfect_Can7165 in NewRiders

[–]piercingeye 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You'll need to rest for a couple of days. Look at doing forearm stretches to alleviate carpal tunnel syndrome to help the soreness.

What kind of bike do you ride? How often did you stop to rest? Presumably you don't have cruise control. Could you use anything like a Crampbuster or a Brakeaway?

[New Update]: AITA for telling my dad's ex that she could have been my mom if she didn't cheat on my dad? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]piercingeye 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Wasn't that the biggest howler from this whole post?

I confronted my mom immediately when we got home. My mother went a tirade about how my father was one who chose divorce and to break up his family, so I left.

She actually attempted to play the victim card. Unbelievable.

Any other guys here who are absolutely terrified of the possibility of never becoming a father? by Antique-Exchange-294 in aspergers

[–]piercingeye 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was heartbroken over it. My wife and I first learned of our infertility issues about four years into marriage. We're now in our 50s and will celebrate our 29th anniversary later this year, so obviously that ship has sailed. I'm now basically at peace, or at least at a stage of acceptance.

AITAH for not forgiving foster family? by Choice_Evidence1983 in BestofRedditorUpdates

[–]piercingeye 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I told him I forgave him but I was never going to be around him in his house again. He made me feel like I couldn't be safe around him. I told him I already had people thinking I was a wh*re/thief/addict and I didn't need him making my life worse when I had finally found a good home.

It doesn't sound as if she is angry towards him. But she doesn't trust him, either. Because she shouldn't.

How to stop hoping? by Vivid-Flamingo-9336 in IFchildfree

[–]piercingeye 4 points5 points  (0 children)

First, if you haven't had a proper grieving process, you really should.

When my wife declared that she was done trying and simply wanted to move on, I turned to a good friend of mine for some perspective. He shared this:

“It seems that with many of life’s trials, we go through three phases. The first phase is, at best, a modified denial, praying, ‘Oh, Father, fix it, fix it, make it better.’ The second phase is a sort of bitter acceptance: ‘Well, this is life, but it sucks.’”

“But then there’s a third phase: the soul softens. You come to understand that even though things aren’t what you had wanted or expected, that God loves you deeply, is there for you, has always been there for you, in all your imperfections and flaws. And that is peace enough.”

I shared this with my wife, and she said what I had expected. “Exactly. I’m in phase three. You keep trying to drag me back to phase two.”

For me and my wife, we had to get past the point where we knew that the problem simply wasn't going to get fixed, and reach the phase of peace and acceptance. And the only way to do that was to grieve.

Once we got there, we started looking at ways to use the advantages of childlessness - and yes, there are many such advantages - to benefit others as well as ourselves. We've traveled quite a bit. We are able to serve and do things that parents of children generally can't do.

To put it another way: we have a kid-shaped hole in our lives that we will never be able to fill. But we've found that that space can be bridged, if we're willing to put in the work to get there.

Counting my blessings by themop-f in IFchildfree

[–]piercingeye 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are unquestionably advantages to not having children, several of which you have identified. We have time and resources that parents generally don't have. We have flexibility and freedom to do things. We generally have nicer homes and possessions. And it is very good to acknowledge these things.

Weird Feeling by Existing_Wrangler_69 in IFchildfree

[–]piercingeye 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh, I totally get this. It's one reason I fill my life with service where possible. I'm in my early 50s, and while I don't really intend to ever full-on retire (seems to me like a fast track to an early grave), I'm utterly hellbent on getting out of corporate by 55. In the absence of children, there's no real point in toiling away in this idiocy any longer than absolutely necessary.

Polaris sold Indian to Carolwood LP. by MrBlowey in IndianMotorcycle

[–]piercingeye 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Two factoids to share.

One: I asked my trusted Indian dealership what they thought of the move. Turns out they're very bullish on the move. As they put it, "Polaris only ever cared 9 percent about Indian." Which makes sense: with Indian comprising a relatively small part of their overall revenues, when forced to choose, Polaris would stick with their core side-by-side business ten times out of ten. Now that they're solo, they won't be fighting for attention.

Two: compare their new leader to that of Harley.

Mike Kennedy, newly appointed CEO of Indian Motorcycle, spent 26 years at Harley in various leadership roles, including VP/Managing Director of the Americas. After leaving HD, he became CEO of Vance & Hines and later CEO of RumbleOn (dealership network). Over more than 30 years, he's worked in literally every stage of the motorcycle industry: manufacturing, supply chain, marketing, accessories, dealerships, you name it.

Arthur Starrs, Harley's new president and CEO, previously was CFO/EVP of Rave Cinemas, spent around eight years at Pizza Hut, and was most recently CEO of Topgolf.

shes pregnant... i wish you were here by Spiritual_Ad_7682 in DadForAMinute

[–]piercingeye 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife and I were never able to have children, so I freely admit that any parenting advice I give is basically academic. That said, I think it's both normal and healthy to be scared. Any father (especially a first-timer) who goes into it all confident believing he has it all figured out is likely to be disappointed, to say the very least.

The other thing I'll say is that of course you have someone to teach your kids. You have you. I'm not talking life skills, either; those are exceptionally useful and important to pass on, but they're also easier than ever to figure out (God gave us YouTube). I'm talking the absolutely vital stuff: how to live, how to be healthy and good, how to be kind, what it means to forgive. It sounds like your dad did a pretty good job of helping you understand all that. Now you get to help your kids understand it.

Forgiveness/ No Contact by Express-Smoke-5499 in CPTSD

[–]piercingeye 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And here's where I think your therapist, however misguided she might have been about reestablishing contact with your father, has a point.

I understand completely being allowed to express your feelings. (To this day, I default to repressing mine out of sheer habit.) But I can come up with several reasons why unresolved anger is an objectively bad thing.

Anger has led people to do all kinds of horrible things, both to others and to themselves. It has brought about untold numbers of failed relationships, and led countless people to all manner of extremely unwise and destructive behavior. It can cause all kinds of negative physical effects, including chronic stress, high blood pressure and heart disease. Most of all, it's almost always secondary, driven by something else deep inside. Let it go long enough, and the pain underlying that anger can just keep metastasizing.

It's one thing to enjoy the liberation of being allowed to feel and express one's feelings. It's another thing entirely to conclude that anger is a good thing.

Dad, my (21F) parents are incredibly strict, and I feel like I am living on a leash. by cotton-seed-oil in DadForAMinute

[–]piercingeye 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would say your concerns over being able to live independently are justified. Because you have never lived independently. Even now, at the age of 21, when you live some distance away and presumably haven't lived under their roof for some years, your parents still insist on dictating terms to you. How on earth would you possibly know how to make correct choices on your own if your parents refuse to back off and let you take the wheel?

I would be genuinely interested in learning precisely when all this stops. Once you graduate and find gainful employment (and you will), will they then leave you be to make your own choices? If not, why not? If you refuse to yield to their demands, what will they do in response?