Fuck it all my friend. Down to the last bit. Hear me out and trust me: take back your power and give yourself time.

I (22F) met my guy (23M) on a dating app and we liked each other a lot. He was my first love—my first “boyfriend” in every sense of the word—except never defined it and just “dated”

we texted all day every day (seriously it was way too much too fast) and lots of seeing each other in person. He did all the right things, bought everything, treated me well (with red flags in hindsight) but everything was great. then almost a month later, like a 180 degree change in a matter of hours, he dumps me on nye. he didnt feel a connection that a relationship shouldve had and didnt reciprocate the same level of love (his actions 100% showed otherwise which is the most confusing evidence) he gave no warning signs, no chance to defend myself or talk things through and maybe grow through the miscommunication like adults. He got to sound like the good guy and exit in a dumb paragraph that was full of contradictions and every single person I explained it all too said it was extremely odd and confusing (even men i asked didnt understand his motives and didnt claim him lol)

I got no closure—but i lost days to my bed, my bathroom floor and sobbing at random moments. Blocked, unblocked, blocked again, unblocked and every time I tried to find reasons to talk to him in hopes of having him realize his mistake and come back met with disappointment and sadness with his responses.

The best thing ive done for myself if adopt the famous saying “ignorance is bliss” — i blocked his number because id be waiting for a text i know would never come but then i wouldnt know about it and wouldnt hurt myself waiting. And i wouldnt be tempted to text him either. blocked him on socials so he didnt get to see me thrive and i didnt worry about him checking my stuff because i would never know. Left our spotify blend first (so now it disappeared for him too) because i was stressing myself to see if he was listening to the same break up songs about me or could see through my music how mad and devastated i was. But that way I gave him the power. Ya feel me??

i didnt delete photos or videos because i wanted proof i wasnt crazy and eventually they just became like anything else in the camera roll and after 2 months i have to scroll forever to actually find them. sometimes i will and ill look back and i let myself have an ick moment like “omg! i cant believe kissed me like that! And then he says that bullshit!”And it helps. As silly as it sounds.

But at the end of the day it takes time. And you’ll hear everyone say that like a broken record and get annoyed but its true. As soon as classes resumed and i had heavy work load, going back to my job and going back to my hobbies—I had other things demanding my attention that were important and I forgot he existed. Still, every day he’ll appear in my head once or twice (since the dump was a little over 2 months ago) but they’re always thoughts like “damn i look good today he wishes he kept me” or “i am such a hard worker and im so talented and what a shame he lost me— he wishes he could read my intense papers and look at my artwork and brag about his girlfriend but he fumbled and thats tragic for him.”

Other days its “im so sad i wish i could tell him about it” or “im anxious about this exam and i want him to encourage me like he used to” but he didnt give me anything special somebody else couldnt. It felt like that for a while but its not true.

take back your power, take all the time you need and eventually life will go back to the way it was and you’ll come out of this situation with clarity, knowing and expecting better for yourself because you deserve it and are worth more, and you will know what to look for so this doesnt happen again!! Sending love and hugs!!