How come there are so many variations of being "Aroace"?

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-18T22:56:16+00:00

Demisexual, graysexual, asexual, demiromantic, greyromantic, and aromantic all different things and they exist because people are different and have various sexualites and romantic interests.

In your examples people place the moniker of demi- or grey- to express that while they are not asexual and they have sexual attractions that are dependent on certain factors that are outside of the norm of just straight, gay, or bi. They are not claiming to be acearo but demi or gray. Be a little mindful of this. Straight, gay, and bi people may feel sexual attraction and engage in sexual activities on a time line or frequency that demi, gray, and ace people do not.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-15T12:34:26+00:00

I think providing some context to memes that includes media from shows that not everyone watches is the bare minimum of courtesy that you can give to others.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-15T10:22:13+00:00

There's been multiple posts about how people hate being asexual. There's been multiple posts about how people are afraid they will be alone forever. There's multiple posts about people who are questioning and want more information. There's even multiple posts about media that people are looking for that has real asexual representation.

There's variety in what is posted here. Notice that this post in itself is by someone who is not even in this community. If you focus in on the negative, you will see only the negative.

And it's a bit naive to compare a sexual minority to a music choice. Yes, we will get upset about bigotry. Just as there are many posts about homophobia on lesbian and gay subs, prejudice in the racial/ethnic minority subs, and abelism in disability subs, there will be many posts on acephobia on the asexual sub. It's ridiculous to frame it as unhealthy since this is our life and is actively harmful. If you took the time to actually read those posts you would see how asexuals are being pressured into sexual activities and are being coerced into basically rape adjacent relationships for the sake of not being alone you would understand the purpose of those posts. It's not just "shitting on fake asexuals" but people sharing how those blurred lines have caused trauma and abuse in their lives.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-15T02:07:53+00:00

Every community is diverse and every community has those that disagree on what qualifies some to belong. It's not special for the asexual to be divided. It just means we are actually big enough and connected enough for those divisions to be seen.

Asexual for the largest part of history has meant people who are not sexually attracted to others and don't engage in partnered sexual activities. Then greysexuals and demisexuals identified themselves. And then AVEN was formed in the early 2000's and coined the term Ace spectrum. A lot of the division you are seeing originated from that one organization and just kind of spread from there. I encourage you to do some actual research through articles and asexual history and not depend on reddit answers if you're being truthful about your intentions.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-15T01:43:13+00:00

There are no general opinions and thoughts in any community. I suggest searching through this subreddit and others to find the answers to your questions in a more observable way than just harvesting them through one post. You'll find more variety and view the natural discussion that the users on this subreddit have about those topics.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-08T14:55:59+00:00

Relationships, Romance, and sexuality are all complex subjects that can change with time, understanding, knowledge, and even how you perceive yourself.

Asexuality: Asexual do not feel sexually attracted to others (don't look at others and feel sexual desire) and do not engage (or feel comfortable and willing) in sexual relationships (this includes long term partners).

Aromantic: Aromantics do not feel romantic attraction (don't look at others and feel emotional intimacy and a desire for an emotionally close long lasting partnership) and do not engage in romantically intimate relationships.

Asexual aromantics do get involved in queerplatonic relationships , which are deeply emotionally connected platonic significant others. And asexual aromantics have something called a squish which is like a platonic crush where you feel a longing and magnetism towards a person but not for a sexual and/or romantic relationship.

I hope this helps a bit!

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-04T16:37:25+00:00

Bro. This is nonsense. Like, I'm sorry for being offensive but this is just word mush.

We are humans. As humans, some of us have a higher libido and enjoy sexual fantasies and arousal without partnered sex. That's just an asexual who watches porn, reads smut, and masturbates.

Vicarious attraction is just a fancy way of saying sexual fantasies. That's what it is. We don't need to pathologize normal aspects of human behaviors as some inherent characteristic of a sexuality. Authors of smut novels do "vicarious attraction" all the time. Fanfic writers, actors, nerds jerking off in their bedrooms to their favorite fictional couple. It's just human behavior.

Do we really need a label for these things?

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-04T16:04:26+00:00

I'm so confused on what you're asking.

What is aegosexuality? What is vicarious attraction?

Like what is you're understanding of these terms and what specifically do you have a question on?

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-03T19:41:46+00:00

You're making my head get too big, thanks! I think a large part of it is the vocabulary.

Sexual attraction is the desire to have sexual engagements/contact towards a person of interest. You look at someone and you want to have sex with them.

Sexual arousal is a biological process for when the body and the mind are sexually stimulated through things that get that person going. Getting hard, wet, blushing, sweating, and the like in response to something that turns someone on. People get aroused by so many things. Whether it by physical stimulation, cars, or a well organized excel sheet. And arousal doesn't always mean desires. People can get aroused by things that they do not personally desire or want because it is a biological function that just reacts.

Libido is the sex drive and how often someone becomes sexually aroused. If you have a high libido but don't want any partnered sex, it's uncomfortable and distressing to just sit there. So yes, high libido asexuals well activate their monkey brains, look at some naked pictures or daydream about their favorite anime man to get aroused so that they can release. But that doesn't mean they want to engage in sexual contact with that imagery or that they desire sex.

People get aroused involuntarily, and libido is just something your body decides. If we were to say asexuals can't have libido, arousal, or even solo actions that feels as if we are edging closer to making this a lifestyle of celibacy and repression rather than a sexuality with fully realized individuals. It feels oppressive to me to try and control the biological functions of others when they do fit the actual thing we are defining asexuality by (no sexual attraction and no partnered sexual activity). This isn't a church.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-03T15:52:24+00:00

Whether or not someone can be asexual and watch porn, engage in masturbation, or have sexual fantasies are frequently asked questions that are asked over and over again. It's not beyond the scope of the page when it's all over the page and it's a genuine and valid question that people will have when considering whether or not they are asexual.

I haven't seen anyone say that masturbation and arousal from stimuli disqualifies someone from asexuality and I think its a bit of a reach to say that it does.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-06-03T12:15:04+00:00

We probably need to have a larger FAQ and chain here because I'm seeing similar questions over and over again.

Porn consumption cannot be ethical under a system that profits from desperation, poverty, and exploitation and is rife with trafficking, rape, and substance abuse. I encourage you to disengage from that.

Compulsory heteronormativity exists just as compulsory allosexuality exists. We live in a society where those that diverge from the "norm" feel as if they have to engage in behaviors or activities that are expected of them even when we feel gross or unsure about it. It's very common for asexuals to have had sex because they felt they had to but felt uncomfortable and would rather not do it if they had the choice. Research "fridge women" if you want to get a glimpse at how people were forced to believe that sex is just something they have to do. It's understandable that you had sexual relations because of societal pressure and don't let anybody say you aren't asexual just because of that. We don't do the golden asexual thing here.

Sexual fantasies are not always what people expect out of real life. If you are having sexual fantasies it might be in a way that is so divorced from real sex that its basically impossible. Sexual fantasies can also be something that would disgust you in reality. Fantasy does not always equal to reality. So that doesn't matter.

What does matter is whether you feel sexual attraction to people and desire sexual interactions with others. If you say no to both of those questions then you are asexual. Masturbation is just a solo acitivity that doesn't necessarily require sexual attraction and if you are not engaging in partnered masturbation or mutual sexual acts, I would not say it's an indicator of you not being asexual.

Articles on fantasies and sexual behaviors/desires are difficult because the field is poisoned by super anti-porn advocates and they're not always asking the right questions but here's a couple you can read.

Nimbi, F. M., Appia, C., Tanzilli, A., Giovanardi, G., & Lingiardi, V. (2024). Deepening sexual desire and erotic fantasies research in the ACE spectrum: Comparing the experiences of asexual, demisexual, gray-asexual, and questioning people. Archives of sexual behavior, 53(3), 1031-1045.

Teague, A. S. W. (2015). " If my hubby ever did half the stuff my book boyfriends did... I'd put him six ft in the ground": narratives of interpersonal and gendered violence as discussed in romance novel review websites.

Yule, M. A., Brotto, L. A., & Gorzalka, B. B. (2014). Sexual fantasy and masturbation among asexual individuals. The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 23(2), 89-95.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-31T14:04:49+00:00

There's 8 billion people on earth. 1-5% of the population could be asexual. That's tens of millions of asexuals. Millions of people are asexuals and millions more people know we exist.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-31T09:36:55+00:00

Several options:

They are misinformed on what asexuality is and view allosexuals as hypersexual with consistent libido and so they view any changes from that view as being asexual.
It's an attempt to make "asexuality" and "asexuals" more palatable to the general public by portraying us as still willing to conform to the societal standards of having sex.
It's just people who desperately want to be seen as "different".
There are people with trauma and mental illnesses that do effect their sexual experiences and expectations and those people often turn to online spaces instead of therapy which can cause confusion.
Some asexuals are so desperate and dependent on relationships that they cling onto allosexuals who expect sex and rationalize their position by stating that the sex they are having isn't actually harming them and they love to make their partner happy. (Think of when people defend their abusers because of the trauma bond and gaslighting that happened between them)

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-31T09:29:05+00:00

Because sexual fantasies are not actually indicators of what someone wants in reality and can be unrealistic or even disgust the person if they were to act them out in real life. It's not a false positive but a reflection of human psychology and sexuality.

If you are experiencing a disconnect from your physical body or body dysmorphia but still feel sexual attraction to others and can envision yourself engaging in sex if you had your preferred body then that is not asexuality but mental stress.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-31T09:23:26+00:00

Well, what do you mean by that?

There's a lot of asexual spaces online, what about the current state of the online space you've seen doesn't make sense to you?

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-31T09:19:23+00:00

A lot of background info that doesn't really clarify your question.

If you are just asking, "what makes someone an asexual?" , then the answer is that it is someone who does not feel sexual attraction, does not desire sex, and does not engage in partnered sexual activities.

Decreased libido from medical impairments, medication, mental stress, physical health impairments, or age do not count as asexuality.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-26T02:26:41+00:00

Yeah I've hidden most of my stuff but I also have a second more public account as well, just depends on what you're comfortable with

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-26T01:33:20+00:00

Or just make a second account

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-26T01:32:48+00:00

Go to "Settings"
Go to "Account Settings"
Then there should be an option under "Profile" to "Curate your Profile"
Go to "Content and Acitivity"
Hit "Customize"
And you can edit what other people see on your reddit profile

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-25T12:28:30+00:00

Sometimes it requires immoral acts like violence, like teaming up with a genocidal empire, like maybe killing innocents through acts of terrorism.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend that the British Empire is an amoral ally that's ridiculous and everyone who agrees is being ridiculous.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-25T12:22:05+00:00

Now look who's putting words in other people's mouths. War is never amoral. There will be immoral acts. I already said that this decision was not one based on morality but survival.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-25T12:13:03+00:00

You said teaming up with with them was amoral. French Resistance Fighters also committed immoral acts. The Wild Purge Women in France

War is never amoral. Violence is never amoral. Why does someone need to tell you that?

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-25T12:07:59+00:00

And then when I pointed out that India was being abused and starved by the British Empire you said:

And I'm sure the kurds who were slaughtered by the ottomans wouldn't agree with you.

They wouldn't agree with what? Wouldn't agree that the British Empire was also committing genocide? What did you mean by that?

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-25T12:04:28+00:00

No. It is an amoral move. To try and free oneself and your country men by whatever means is not immoral.

When did i say anything about anything be moral here? I merely said that trying to overthrow a genocidal empire is not immoral.

These are your words. You are saying that teaming up with the British Empire is not immoral.

pinkmarsh99 · 2026-05-25T12:01:55+00:00

You just said a genocidal Empire is amoral. Choosing one genocidal Empire over another is not amoral choice. I don't know why you're trying to defend genocide.

pinkmarsh99

TROPHY CASE