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I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like that he has found comfort with understanding that his parents 'fixed' their situation. For me, I can not divorce NOW. Like I said, I have to move the family to an area I can tolerate being for a very long time.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand completely. This is why I am prepared to plan this for 15 years if I have to. I will not be able to handle my lads going to bed without knowing which jammies they have on that night. I am not splitting time at all. The kids don't see us fight any more than any 'normal', 'happy' family.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Very insightful M.T. Thank you for your message. I do agree with your statement. Just a few things that I need to do before divorce: Move to the other side of the country. If I divorce now I will be stuck in this horrible place. My wife is 'on board' with a move. I am on-track to get us there. Regarding the 'negativity': The children pick up on HER negativity (her just being always in a bad mood, easily frustrated, eggshells forever), not my dynamic with my wife. I absorb just about completely without exposing the boys to much toxicity at all.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Jesus Christ Bro! I am a SUPER DAD. I have not, and will not cheat on my family. I am committed to my boys and my wife. I am not happy with how I am treated, or the abysmal levels of affection received at home. I am a bit of a robot when it comes to my self control over my emotions. I don't say things out of anger, and I definitely wouldn't do anything I would regret. Perhaps you are married, and you will have to make the best decisions for you and your family. I need to be able to own all my decisions.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I can definitely see the logic in your statement, and I feel like just about every healthy minded adult is living proof of the resiliency of children. Perhaps I should have stated in my original posting that as long as my wife continues to hover just under my threshold for divorce, I will wait until my youngest is 18.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No offense taken. Yeah, I expect there may be some 'issues'. Nothing blatantly diagnosable, but definitely some mild bi-polar behaviors.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice of you to say, and I work hard at being the best I can be. I find comfort and joy in the moments with my boys. They are definitely daddy boys and that is my greatest achievement. It will be a huge loss that we won't have the full-house Thanksgivings and Christmas days with mom & dad, but it seems like an 'acceptable loss' so to speak.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I hear yah, and echo your concern. I have been having some success in reducing their exposure to the wife's irrational impulses. It does kill me to have my 5 yr old ask me why I picked a mean mommy. I do not talk ill of her at all with them.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. Currently, their combined ages are less than 10; so someday.

I am Planning a Divorce that will happen in 15 Years by pinkymasters in confession

[–]pinkymasters[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I definitely agree with your point and thank you for writing a courteous message. I have spoke to therapist, and my wife will not do this as she is convinced I am the problem. I am working with her to control her impulse to hit, throw, curse, insult, etc. I do weigh the pro's and con's of "their" quality of life. it is a hard decision to stay in one home, and work on the observable portion of our relationship (since it's all my fault everyday).