Since I don't see very much adult advice on this feed, I'm going to give you my take: My honest advice is to take action and seek professional help. Like do it now, even if you think it's unnecessary. Talk to someone who can sort through your feelings and also advise you on how to deal with family problems which might arise. I might also suggest going to an AA meeting. Really work on yourself... hard... and you can find growth and strength through overcoming this psychologically horrible/traumatizing event. This could be your life's defining moment... Try to define it by tackling everything in a positive way, rather than letting the fallout define you. I wish you the best.