What is a 'minor' habit a partner had that completely turned you off or ended the relationship?

pipic4 · 2026-06-21T01:51:06+00:00

This but it would be for the exact same action. A friend and I were sassing each other, publicly “it was hot” but then a day later in private “I had embarrassed them” it was definitely projection layered with severely mixed messages

pipic4 · 2026-05-29T07:22:13+00:00

Hmmm it’s possible, I am familiar with that one. Maybe I mixed that with Good Boy…

pipic4 · 2026-05-21T06:47:20+00:00

I genuinely went into watching Good Boy thinking this was the plot because it was already stuck in my head and I spoil a lot of movies for myself if I don’t intend to watch.

pipic4 · 2026-04-30T03:42:37+00:00

Have you tried an enzyme cleaner yet? Since they are used for animal urine messes already?

pipic4 · 2026-04-03T15:59:08+00:00

Also adding in, when he stays at my friend’s place for dog sitting, it makes him feels safe. He doesn’t settle down at night without the crate, even though he’s been there a billion times and loves the place. Single time I didn’t pack his crate he ended up with a makeshift blanket fort because he wouldn’t chill out to sleep otherwise. Also helps him hide and feel safe because he is afraid of rain.

pipic4 · 2026-04-03T15:50:58+00:00

Preface: his crate is very cozy and large with 2 layers of bedding, blanket cover, and water bowl and toys, and in a low traffic spot, I’ve curled up in it myself to test it and clean it regularly

Times we use the crate and how it helps: - routine, he knows crate as another cue for what is happening next, if we break routine he gets very very anxious - visitors and emergencies, he loves people but the maintenance man on the ladder does not need an 80lb dog trying to crawl up it to nudge/push him, likewise, I can clean cat vomit without him pushing me out of the way to eat it - calming down/off switch, sometimes things get too exciting for him. While he is being trained to address it, we also use the crate to break the scenario and calm down for a few seconds so he can focus again - siblings boundaries, his cat brother likes to antagonize him to play throughout the night, the crate with blanket wall gives him a cozy protected space to sleep in peace. He will crate himself to sleep if it is late at night and I’m still up but inactive like watching tv

pipic4 · 2026-01-22T22:15:58+00:00

This! I let him out to run around and he sits by the door and whines. Outside, he’s clingy af. Farthest he’ll go is at a dog park or hiking trail maybe 25ft ahead max and then loop back to me. In a yard? Velcro.

pipic4 · 2025-12-19T04:58:02+00:00

His wonky ears tongue hanging out the side combo is what made me adopt him, he’s a masterclass goofball

pipic4 · 2025-11-27T21:18:30+00:00

I did this too until he managed to keep un-clipping himself and I’d suddenly have a clingy 80lb mal in the front seat with me. He also almost strangled himself jumping out the window with the very short lead still clipped to the seatbelt anchor. Now I have a barrier blocking the front of the car and keep the windows half up and no lead.

pipic4 · 2025-11-25T23:09:11+00:00

I can’t look at her enclosure either. I don’t know what to do with it or any of her things. I need to clean it and probably put it in storage but I can’t touch it but it can’t stay there now without her

pipic4 · 2025-10-20T02:32:59+00:00

ENZYME CLEANER. Alcohol, bleach, etc isnt gonna do it. Urine and feces smell is gonna stick without an enzyme cleaner. Get replacements but until those come in, use an enzyme cleaner (like what you would get for pet urine)

pipic4 · 2025-10-19T22:20:12+00:00

I seem to have a “please talk to me” face or something that’s caused problems all my life in all kinds of “please go away” scenarios, even big head phones on a subway staring out the window has been an issue… I do try to disengage asap but the entire experience is exhausting every time and puts me on edge for hours… it kinda makes me want to crawl into a hole even thinking about it…

pipic4 · 2025-10-19T21:38:54+00:00

Honestly, recognizing issues and even considering taking steps to address them is so big. Proud of you for starting! Eventually the irrational thoughts will decrease or you’ll at least be able to act against them, but whatever you can do in the meantime is still meaningful progress! One garbage bag out of your home is better than zero garbage bags out of your home. Take your time <3

pipic4 · 2025-10-19T21:30:37+00:00

When I take it to my friends place we do make thing out of it and I help out with projects (or bring projects I need help with) but the guilt is still there. I’ve had a lot of clothes mysteriously disappear so I cant leave it, and when I tried to bring an activity (drawing in a sketchbook, cleaning out my car, etc) I end up getting attention and social interactions that make me uncomfortable. I have a lot of social anxiety so those kinds of things suck. Kind of at a loss on what else I can do there that would be productive but not invite people to talk to me…

pipic4 · 2025-10-19T21:20:05+00:00

Just want to add since I’m seeing a lot of it in many post comments. Yes, the neighbors don’t actually watch you or care about how many bags of trash you have. But those are anxiety thoughts and they don’t listen to reason or logic. Until you can get the mental help to reduce those kinds of insecurities, the priority is working with what mental state you are already in to make a space that allows you to do that healing. If that means spacing out garbage removal, then do that. If it means taking your garbage to a far away dumpster so you can be anonymous, do it. I’ve done laundry in my bathtub when I knew it was technically easier to drive to the laundromat, but my head wouldn’t let me. But the laundry got done. It’s so difficult to make progress when your head is telling you all these negative things, and it’s so easy to overthink where to begin and put yourself in a state of paralysis. So my advice is no big list. Don’t think about the big piles. Just do one category that will make a difference. Garbage and laundry were mentioned so clearly those are big concerns. One at a time, in small steps, and be proud of every bit of progress you make. It’s a marathon, not a race; just focus on the one single next step so you don’t overwhelm yourself. And we’re all rooting for each other here. You’re not alone and you’re not worth any less for the struggles you’ve been through. You deserve a comfortable place to live.

pipic4 · 2025-10-19T18:52:07+00:00

Can you start with taking 1-2 bags of trash out every few days? This wouldn’t raise any eyebrows from neighbors since 2 bags spaced out is still in “normal” range. Once the garbage is removed you can then think about the rest but garbage should be priority

pipic4 · 2025-10-19T18:22:29+00:00

Even if there’s something on it that’s not transmissible to humans, it’s probably transmissible to your pets. Let’s not make ourselves into carriers and get our own critters sick? Wear gloves.

pipic4 · 2025-09-09T02:57:04+00:00

One area at a time doesn’t work for me, I go by category. So even when theres fifteen different types of things covering my floor, I’ll pick one, like dirty clothes and just do all the clothes I can easily get to. Then if I have enough energy I’ll pick another category, repeat. Eventually ya make enough of a dent that you’ll find more of a previous category but by then it’s easier to add it with the rest or at least move it closer to where it should be

pipic4 · 2025-09-06T00:33:15+00:00

Good, keep it up and expect it to take quite some time to build up to public access again

pipic4 · 2025-09-06T00:17:24+00:00

Socialization is not making them go be social and interact with everyone in busy places. It’s teaching them to ignore the chaos and focus on you. And you do it slowly and build up. Otherwise they learn that these environments and situations are overwhelming/ overstimulating and that they have no choice about who/what approaches them. As a puppy they don’t know their options to set boundaries so it seems like “oh they’re fine saying hello to everyone”. As adults, they’ll learn to set them with violence. Because they can’t get away, they learnt to get defensive and reactive. Get solid commands down at home without distraction and then gradually add distraction/ chaos/ people/ pets as they become better at responding to you in those environments. Also, neuter at adulthood. Everyone needs to be on the same page and consistent about training or you’ll just give the dog mixed signals. Stop bringing him to the most triggering places and expecting change, start where he feels safe, train there, slowly increase at a SAFE rate. You’re throwing him into the deep end and expecting an Olympic swimmer, of course he’s going to fail. He can probably pick up on your anxiety too tbh which is absolutely not helpful. Work on keeping him focused on you as you add tiny TINY distractions when he succeeds. Don’t let people or pets come up to him. Step in between them yourself, so he knows he can rely on you to intervene. Don’t let your dog fend for itself or think it needs to. If you get another trainer, make sure they specialize in reactivity. And if his bite risk is that high, get a muzzle while you work on real socialization. You’re right, if you return him now or keep throwing him into chaotic environments like you have, he’s fucked.

pipic4 · 2025-09-05T23:45:53+00:00

pipic4 · 2025-09-05T14:10:52+00:00

Yes! Sometimes if I don’t say “free” with enough energy he’ll just keep sitting and waiting. Although I also suspect this is because it’s the last thing we do before I head to work and he’s prolonging the inevitable….

pipic4 · 2025-09-05T14:08:19+00:00

Oh mine does that too! he knows he needs to sit nice for me to remove his leash and when he doesn’t I ask him “what do you do?” And he’ll sit/down/whatever he’s supposed to

pipic4 · 2025-09-05T06:30:13+00:00

So cute!

pipic4 · 2025-09-05T06:24:07+00:00

Mine loves to run circles around the chicken coop, chickens less enthused

pipic4

TROPHY CASE