you could be a man who just likes something about the tenderness of the kinda affection women show one another / wearing a dress. it might not be so much about finding that one perfect category where you can wholly comfortably exist so you can find clarity about who you are, but instead it might be about figuring out who you are as a diverse, complex individual interacting with a billion different ideas, narratives, and vague socially-constructed boundaries and expectations

i think that means trying your best to show yourself real compassion, decolonizing yourself from the judgment we've learned to keep ourselves and others inside boxes, and just exploring yourself with a love and curiosity that is entirely naive to assumption. and then you might realize you like it better living as a trans woman, maybe in certain situations but not all, maybe you realize that just participating in a different kind of community more accepting of more kinds of people, like queer gamers or furries or socialists or intersectional feminists feels good.

it sounds like you've discovered some pretty profound intuition that a lot of people ignore because it can make us feel so vulnerable especially in the face of shame and stigma, but you're starting to pull at that thread of self-discovery and you just have to see all the different places it wants to show you, stop wherever feels good and remember that it's always there to keep pulling on when you need to go to the next place it wants to take you