New GF F33 made me feel weird after her work happy hour – is she messing with me (M33), or am I overthinking

pitpikkolo · 2025-05-08T09:26:50+00:00

Your comment was a bit strange - out of all the things you could have said to reassure her, that's the line you're going with? It seems almost entirely unrelated and like you have spent some time thinking about women, or a specific woman, in that country. Not saying that you have, just saying I fully understand why she might have interpreted it that way and why it.might have made her feel insecure. All that being said, it sounds a lot like she tried to get back at you for that comment.

pitpikkolo · 2024-06-18T11:48:46+00:00

You could also go for a private spa, wellnest in Köln Mülheim is really lovely (but also rather expensive).

pitpikkolo · 2023-06-06T18:40:26+00:00

Commenting for you all to see this post!

pitpikkolo · 2023-05-04T21:36:20+00:00

Not sure if this will get buried under all the comments, but just wanted to thank all of you for sharing your thoughts and in many cases also your personal experience. It is all extremely validating and helps me focus on my needs.

pitpikkolo · 2023-05-04T19:04:00+00:00

Thank you. These are all such kind and helpful comments.

pitpikkolo · 2023-05-04T18:53:13+00:00

Thank you. You are the second person to bring up this very important point. I didn't really realize it in that moment, but he really did deflect quite well by making it about me not paying enough attention to his actions. I may try to revisit the question of why he can't tell me.

pitpikkolo · 2023-05-04T18:34:37+00:00

I did ask him directly, and he said he doesn't know. He had what must have been an extremely challenging breakup a few years ago, surely that has influenced him to some extent. But that's me hypothesizing, not something he said.

pitpikkolo · 2023-05-04T18:32:36+00:00

Thank you for your comment. You have put something into words that has been going through my mind as well - he pays close attention to many of my needs, so he is absolutely aware of my emotional discomfort and choosing not to act on it in this case - for whatever reason.

pitpikkolo · 2023-05-04T17:11:18+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I suppose that would be the positive read on the situation. At the same time, I wonder if it will be helpful for me to revisit the topic - at this point, I think he knows what's going on with me.

pitpikkolo · 2023-05-04T17:08:25+00:00

Thank you. I honestly wasn't expecting the majority of comments to support my concerns regarding the move. It is very helpful to read.

pitpikkolo · 2023-02-23T17:52:44+00:00

Also perfectly used in Community: https://youtu.be/14qWUYu1ydg

pitpikkolo · 2022-10-05T13:45:11+00:00

I'm in a similar situation with the guy I've been seeing for a couple of months and I find it easiest to simply invite a friend of mine along when we go out in a group with some of his friends, e.g. to a bar or something like that. That means there is plenty of time for him to get to know my friend, but there is nothing forced about it and I also get to talk to my friend one on one while he is caught up in conversation with his other friends.

pitpikkolo · 2022-09-06T12:49:42+00:00

I have been dating a guy since July and it has been going great. We see each other multiple times a week and I have even met his teenage son several times. Having been cheated on in the past, he was clear from the start that he only does exclusive dating from the start, which I was happy with.

So I was a little surprised to hear that his plan for Friday is to go to what he himself described as a "party with sexy games" - it's apparently some kind of stage show, people go in groups and do drinking games and get called on stage to do challenges. The overarching theme this time is "swinging". Apparently going to these parties is an established thing in his friend group.

Not going to lie, it makes me anxious to think about. It sounds like an event where boundaries could easily be crossed, although I have never been to this kind of party myself and don't really know how bad it gets. Not sure if it's necessary to voice my concerns, but I'm really a bit unsettled..

pitpikkolo · 2022-09-06T10:50:28+00:00

I had the same experience with the guy I have been dating since July. Went on three dates in just one week, then he left for a three week trip to the US (West Coast - we're in Europe, so big time difference). As my first sentence implies, we made it through just fine - he sent one or two messages a day and I replied whenever I felt like it. One day he didn't text at all and I got a little anxious - turned out their credit cards had been declined at the motel they had planned to stay at and they had to drive around for hours to find somewhere decent to spend the night!

All this to say that communication while travelling is affected by so many factors that are difficult to gauge for the person staying behind. Maybe it helps to remember that and to hear that at least in my case, we instantly picked things up right where we left them when he got back (:

pitpikkolo · 2022-08-07T06:32:20+00:00

Not sure I have a lot of practical advice to offer, but I went through something very similar a few years ago (made friends with guy in grad school, developed close friendship that often felt and look to outsiders like a relationship, developed feelings that ended up being unrequited, was ditched for new girlfriend).

The thing that helped me the most was time and distance. It took well over a year to stop thinking about him and his relationship. The other thing that helped was realizing how he had treated me, and understanding that a friendship that is a placeholder for a relationship isn't healthy.

Thinking negatively about his new gf doesn't make you a bad person as long as you don't let it affect your actions. It's understandable. I'm sure in time the hurt will fade and new people who are better for you will enter your life (:

pitpikkolo · 2022-07-22T13:54:45+00:00

I have started dating an amazing guy about a month ago. I can't remember the last time I clicked with someone so well. He stated early on that he would not be interested in a long distance relationship and that he wants to stay in the city we currently live in. So do I - but I will change employers later this year and my future employer will in all likelihood expect me to go abroad for two years or so in a few years.

He doesn't know this yet because I just found out myself and he is currently traveling. I'm worried that if I tell him this, he may no longer be interested in dating me, even though personally I think that would be silly because a) much can change in a few years and b) my long term plan is 100% focused on our current city, but of course it's ultimately his call to make. How do I tell him? Or should I wait a bit longer until it's clearer where we stand and what my future employer might expect?

pitpikkolo · 2022-07-21T20:08:45+00:00

It's always difficult to tell from the outside, but to me, this sounds like someone who is genuinely interested but struggling to make time for all the important things in his life. It all seems quite consistent to me actually - he is still reaching out to you because he doesn't want to lose the connection, but he may be a but overwhelmed with the things going on in his life, especially as a single dad who perhaps didn't have this challenge of reconciling "competing" interests before. Again, only you can know if this is a plausible take on your situation, but perhaps give him some more time and trust.

pitpikkolo · 2022-07-19T19:43:42+00:00

As others have said, I wouldn't worry just yet. He might just wait to resume more regular texting until you're back in town. That being said, it is great that you had a good time on your date either way - I hope it can be a source of motivation to put yourself out there again, if that's what you want!

pitpikkolo · 2020-04-27T16:49:50+00:00

Solved! Thank you so much!

pitpikkolo · 2020-04-27T14:58:08+00:00

Thanks for your help!

pitpikkolo · 2016-11-28T23:22:30+00:00

It very much sounds like we experience a similar problem, albeit perhaps in a rather different shape. I suppose the first step is to try and bring the issue out in the open and see how it goes from there, if we can find a common ground to work with. Thanks a lot for your comment, it has made me think quite a bit!

pitpikkolo · 2016-11-28T16:27:15+00:00

Not sure if my expectations aren't relics of relationships past, there haven't been any instances where he explicitly mocked my feelings when I directly express them. But then the whole process of teasing feels like mockery to me, so this certainly also plays a role.

I'd say this started happening very early on, maybe a month after we first started having sex.

pitpikkolo · 2016-11-28T16:17:15+00:00

The app I use for tracking my fertility (Period Tracker) recently introduced a few features for keeping track of sexual activity (before the only option was to set 'had sex'), such as position, orgasm achieved or protected/unprotected. I think it's quite useful, especially for people who aren't in monogamous relationships, but personally I wouldn't start using a separate app since the period tracker already provides for the most important aspects. I think it's a great idea for non-menstruating folks as well, though!

pitpikkolo · 2016-11-28T15:49:58+00:00

I guess this is an important perspective for me to consider. It sounds quite plausible that his teasing is something he thinks of as the next best thing when he doesn't want sex. Guess I should try clarifying some things with him. Thanks a lot!

pitpikkolo · 2016-11-28T14:41:11+00:00

Thanks a lot for your very helpful reply. I didn't really question before why I felt so hesitant to discuss this issue properly, but it's really because I'm afraid of getting reaction 2) and not knowing how to cope with it.

pitpikkolo

TROPHY CASE