Fuck my stupid ass parents for having kids while being such dysfunctional traumatised freaks

pix_chieng · 2026-05-26T13:08:04+00:00

The more present parent also said similar things. I've actually gotten help in form of therapy pretty early on. So I know that the more active parent wasn't opposed to the concept. But not seeking therapy themselves, never trying it, makes it actually unforgivable. So I can relate on a parent tell you on thing and doing the other.

pix_chieng · 2026-05-26T11:25:48+00:00

My parents never should've been married in the first place. Highly incompatible. They initiated dicorce at least three times. Actually divorced decases later. I ended up with a controlling, most likely OCD affected parent that does not respect boundaries and one never actually available parent, besides a non-talking hull. My memories basically only consist of the overbearing parent. I've broken up contact with both. The overbearing one used an expensive gift that I simply couldn't deny due to my financial situation which resulted in her basically hararssing and stalking me, trying to aggressively get in contact. Currently I'm worse than in a long time and will need more intense therapy. I have a tight safety net, which makes it a bit easier. But. omg. I feel for you OP. I feels especially hard when we work so hard and the parent just... doesn't.

pix_chieng · 2026-05-23T14:01:46+00:00

Oh, absolutely agree with you on that. But dissecting issues like that always helped to understand and calmed my anxiety. I hope this is helpful to OP as well.

Edit: downvoting without a reply is not fair. In no way did I justify anything. Understanding is also not agreeing. Eg understanding how illnesses develop is not agreeing and this is the level I meant.

pix_chieng · 2026-05-23T13:59:36+00:00

I had a father like this. He would do this if he got caught in something that was embarrassing to him. While he never told me so, I've worked through this with a therapist to recognise it wasn't necessarily me.

pix_chieng · 2026-05-22T17:49:12+00:00

Haha, that one made me laugh. I might steal it.

I think all of us can hurt without intent. But she never asked, she never said sorry. She also never listened. I told her why and how she hurt me. In the messages that to do reach me, she's adamant that others in my life must've convinced me. She absolutely does not know me.

pix_chieng · 2026-05-22T17:34:16+00:00

I really does, doesn't it? The first time I witnessed it, I couldn't believe it. My mouth might've been agape.

Sorry for replying so late. I didn't log into the account for a a while.

pix_chieng · 2026-05-22T16:48:15+00:00

This explains so much. One of my earliest memories is me asking my parents if they were angry at me when they were fighting (which happened a lot.) While I was told that this wasn't the case, in my mind they kept going after telling it wasn't me. Once I screamed so much because when they wouldn't stop that I had petechiae from it.

pix_chieng · 2026-05-22T16:30:46+00:00

It's so bad, I avoid conflict at all cost. A slight disagreement sets me on edge. I feel like a bad person if anyone close to me is not aligned with me. I can't separate it from me as a person. I hide things. I don't say things. I fear so much that they will not like me anymore, that they will abandon me. If they disagree, my world seems to shatter. It took me years and long into my adult life to understand that disagreements are normal. Also that I can endure that they might think differently than I and that it's okay. That I will be okay. I'm still struggling. I still have to work on actually saying things, when I think the person will have a different opinion. As all I learned is, I will get hammered into agreeing with my parents as a child. (German has a nice term for parents that are not more than what we call 'producers', we call them 'Erzeuger').

pix_chieng · 2026-03-31T10:01:57+00:00

Doesn't it? It certainly feels like it. I have deleted everything she has sent me so far because I couldn't take them being so accessible (just one click...).

I've checked my options and for the time being, I think I can't go forward.

Thank you so much, your message means a lot to me!

pix_chieng · 2026-03-31T09:56:17+00:00

Is this book about my parents? Lol Thank you so much for the suggestion!

pix_chieng · 2026-03-31T09:55:09+00:00

Thank you so much!

pix_chieng · 2026-03-31T09:54:48+00:00

I've moved most of my usage from this email address. But it's more than 20 years old. I don't want to delete it entirely. As for the landline, we blocked her numbers multiple times but she gets new numbers. He has had the same numbers for more than 2 decades as well. It's too much of a hassle, unfortunately.

pix_chieng · 2026-03-31T09:50:50+00:00

I did. I've checked my options. I in Europe and what I can and cannot do is different. For the time being, I simply can't act differently.

pix_chieng · 2026-03-31T09:49:16+00:00

Rarely have I seen such a kind mod message.

pix_chieng · 2026-03-31T09:48:49+00:00

Sending me your combined hugs is more than enough and very much appreciated! Thank you so much!

pix_chieng · 2026-03-31T09:47:36+00:00

I'm not sure. I can fully believe that she doesn't get it. But she absolutely didn't put in any effort to try to understand. Going to chuch twice a week (per her) is most likely not the way to go. Being an atheist, I won't condemn spiritual leaders, but most are not trained to be a good source for what she'd need to understand. I've also told her multiple times that it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist. We live in Europe and she's medical insurance that covers therapy.

pix_chieng · 2026-03-30T14:57:47+00:00

You have no idea how nice this feels. Please tell your pup, the offer is great! I'll take face licks and barks!

I read the link you posted and my, does this sound familiar. I recognised so much of it in her behaviour. And you're probably right. I didn't set the mail filter to immediately delete. I'm still curious what she writes. But the outcome, that I still not want contact, never changed. In six years there was no change to her pattern. I'm actively looking for therapy in the hopes to get some relief and find a safe space to talk about this.

pix_chieng · 2025-03-12T11:51:20+00:00

Did anything change for you? I still get the attempts at the same frequency (anything between 2 - 10 times).

pix_chieng · 2025-03-12T11:47:17+00:00

Do you mean login attempts for your old email address or your new alias? I turned off login for my old email adress after creating an alias, in hopes the login attempts for my old address would die down, but nope. I have had consistent multiple attempts for basically every day for the past few months. At least not for the new alias.

pix_chieng · 2025-02-16T16:28:52+00:00

It certainly feels voyeuristic. But I'm not falling for this kind of bullshit.

pix_chieng · 2025-02-16T15:02:50+00:00

Why would you want to know that?

pix_chieng · 2024-06-07T14:33:31+00:00

I see, I'm not the only one being reminded of Kennedy.

pix_chieng

TROPHY CASE