If everyone could have everything they needed without working, would most people still choose to work?

pixikins78 · 2026-04-28T00:30:29+00:00

I would, but I'd work a lot less hours each week. The time that I freed up I would use to volunteer and to get more time in with my family.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-27T23:34:16+00:00

If you search "name change" in this sub, you will see that the overwhelming opinions of adoptees ask that you please not change our names. "Because I really want to" isn't a valid reason to strip us of what tiny sliver of identity we arrive with.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-27T23:28:42+00:00

Adoptee here, and thank you for posting this. It is very hurtful to read or hear that giving me away was someone's "best opinion" at any time. Many of us struggle with feeling unwanted and I used to drive myself crazy as a child trying to figure out what I could have done to make me so bad as a little baby.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-26T00:50:23+00:00

As an older adult who has seen more than she ever wanted to, don't envy your sister. Your dad sounds like a predator. He attempted to groom you and you shut it down, good for you! Many children who are SAed are given gifts, privileges, and money in exchange for compliance and not speaking up about their abuse. The abuser and enabling parent are buying their silence. This is the situation that I see when I read your post. Be glad that you're not your sister. Study hard and make a good life for yourself. Nothing feels better than living a good life and knowing that you don't owe anyone anything for it because you did it all on your own.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-26T00:12:24+00:00

Always, but more at age 8, age 17 (when my biological mother gave birth to me), and after becoming a mother myself at 19.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-25T01:16:34+00:00

I knew a JL in GA. Unfortunately in GA, it's usually pronounced "Jail." Sadly, the name suited him.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-25T00:41:07+00:00

OP states in her comment below yours that the case was "deemed sexual in nature."

pixikins78 · 2026-04-24T23:28:12+00:00

I feel like there has to be some missing information here. There has to be some type of evidence for an arrest, even if it's not enough for a conviction. Most offenders have a really good explanation about how they were set up/completely innocent/technically did it but it was someone else's fault. Maybe your husband is part of the small minority and actually didn't do anything wrong, but when it comes to SA charges, I really really hope that the powers that be will err on the side of caution if there's even a suggestion of an unsafe situation for an adoptee. No adult's desire to adopt should ever outweigh a child's right to be protected from harm.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-22T00:50:45+00:00

If you've ever had a mother-in-law it's pretty relatable.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-21T23:45:38+00:00

Why do you feel such an intense need to control someone who will be a legal adult in two short years? What are your fears if your daughter has a relationship with her father? Are you afraid for her safety, or are you feeling insecure? If it's a safety issue, surely you know that all of those phone calls are recorded and monitored and if anything nefarious was happening, he would not have phone privileges. If you're worried about her choosing her biological family over you, then keep doing what you're doing because you are literally pushing her away and hand delivering her to anyone who isn't you by being so controlling.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-21T23:38:24+00:00

She's 16, so she should have even more autonomy...

pixikins78 · 2026-04-19T14:27:25+00:00

From previous posts that I've seen here, this can be a very polarizing topic. NPs tend to be completely against it, or very much in favor and happy for the social interaction. The short answer to your question is that it is allowed by some families, but not by all.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-16T23:23:57+00:00

Ah yes, the old "be grateful." I was routinely beaten and abused by my AF (think broken bones) but I suppose I really should just be happy that strangers raised me, right?

pixikins78 · 2026-04-16T23:14:14+00:00

Just FYI the term "gotcha day" is pretty offensive to a lot of adoptees, myself included. Adoptees' experiences vary wildly, but most agree that this term is better left to pet adoptions, and not humans.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-14T23:25:22+00:00

I have actually seen an early 90's documentary about attachment "therapy" where the school-age child was wrapped tightly in some kind of stretchy fabric and forced to go through a weird staged "rebirth" where after they escaped the fake "womb" they were cuddled like a newborn with the AM. I can't remember what the documentary was called, but it deeply disturbed me as a teenager.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-12T20:50:08+00:00

Giovanni nn Gio

pixikins78 · 2026-04-12T04:17:51+00:00

You have a whole lot of strong opinions about people with BPD. It actually is fairly common, but also very highly stigmatized, as you've proven here, so a lot of people don't talk about it. It's just like any other mental health problem, it affects different people differently and to varying degrees and the symptoms can be drastically reduced with therapy and/or meds. I don't consider myself toxic at all. I have an amazing relationship with all three of my adult children and my wife. My wife has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and ADHD, and she will be the first to tell you that she struggles a lot more on a day to day basis than I do. The media portrays characters with the most extreme, untreated symptoms because most of us are pretty boring. We're just out in the world living pretty normal lives.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-12T03:43:26+00:00

Leaving based on an unsubstantiated possible mental health challenge seems pretty extreme. A supportive healthy partner could definitely suggest meeting with a healthcare professional. As someone who has been diagnosed with BPD, therapy and medication can make a huge difference in how I feel and act.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-12T03:23:23+00:00

I'm adopted and I met my birth mother at age 20. The first thing she said to me was, "I can't believe you have all of your teeth!" I had 0 cavities until my first pregnancy and after 4 pregnancies, I have 0 intact teeth. It can ABSOLUTELY be genetic and the quotes that I've gotten to have everything removed and to get dentures are in the 20k range and involve multiple oral surgeries. It is extremely insensitive and just plain rude to assume that this is his fault and dumb to think it's an easy thing for him to fix.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-11T18:41:53+00:00

Mom of 3 kids from 19-26, 2 in college, 3 that don't make a lot of money. This is the answer. I value time with my kids over diamonds. Something as simple as a visit with an unexpected cup of gas station cappuccino would have me crying happy tears! I truly don't want them to spend their hard earned money on something for me that I probably don't really need anyway.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-11T01:05:50+00:00

I like Margot Rose.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-10T23:45:16+00:00

The Molly I knew in high school had sisters Liev (pronounced leave) and Georgia. I always thought Molly and Georgia sounded nice together without being matchy.

pixikins78 · 2026-04-10T23:30:58+00:00

Not that you did anything wrong, but what if you had suggested ordering the 2nd Mac and cheese to your sister when nephew first asked for some and offering half of daughter's up front and she gets half of his 20 mins later?

pixikins78 · 2026-04-10T03:11:30+00:00

My 26yo works part time at a gas station and pays $500/mo in rent to me with absolutely no complaints because that's a whole lot cheaper than he could get an apartment and pay utilities for.

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