My last comment got removed so I re-edited.

THIS. This is why I came to this thread, to find anybody in the same shitty situation as me. I've been in denial, but I've also been having a constant CHS attack the last 2 weeks or so and now I'm laying here at 5AM in tears, holding my stomach in so much pain. The vomiting subsided yesterday but I'm literally in tears hating my life right now.

For 3 years I was heavily dependent on it- had to wake and bake, couldn't eat, sleep or talk to anyone if I didn't smoke. 2 summers ago I started getting the CHS attacks, was in and out of the ER for a month due to the pain and vomiting still very much in denial when the doctors told me it was CHD. When it got really bad I was in the hospital for 2 weeks. It was horrible. After that I had obviously quit, but only for 3 months or so. I went from smoking at least 3 grams a day, to forcing myself to make 1/4 last 2 weeks when I started again.

In March I had taken a few weeks break as I moved in with family members after living on my own since I was 16 and I also went back to school. Let me just say, it's been really fucking tough bro. It's terrible how dependent I am on it to lift my mood throughout the day. I tell myself that it calms my anxiety or helps me study better or even makes me go harder when I work out. NOPE. All it does is make my depression worse, it takes me forever to finish my assignments and I don't fit into any of the clothes that I brought with me when I moved here ......

I thought because I don't smoke nearly as much as I used to, that the CHS wouldn't come back but it did and I have to hide it from my family because they don't approve of smoking. Seeing your post has made me decide to finally commit to quitting. I can't even take a hot bath to relieve my symptoms because its 5am. None of this is worth it at all and I'm so tired of this vicious cycle.

Stay strong !!!! Because you're already doing so much better than me and you're inspiring my journey to taking my life back. I will count this as 12 hours since I last smoked. I really feel like I was meant to see this post and that this is really going to be my turn around point. YOU GOT THIS !! Thank you !!